Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Can You Turn a Booty Call Into a Relationship?

Episode Date: May 9, 2016

You like a guy. I mean, you really, really like him. So you get carried away and sleep with him before you’re actually dating. Next thing you know, you’re just “friends with benefits.” Is there any way to turn things around and move toward a real relationship? That’s what today’s caller, Natasha, wants to know. Well there is one way to do it, and it all depends on how you act from this moment on. Listen in as I give you and Natasha an actual script to use on Mr. Booty Call to gain his respect, attraction, and get him to give you what you really want. 

Hello everyone, this is Love Life with Matthew Hussey. You know, we've all been hurt in relationships. If we're not careful, we can end up shutting ourselves off completely to protect ourselves from more pain. But that cheats us out of opportunities to find the love we really deserve. So what should we do instead? I want to come back to this at the end of the show. But first, let's get into today's episode. We have another caller today.

I'm very excited about this. I believe we have Natasha on the line. Are you there, Natasha? I am here. Yay. So Natasha, tell me, what was your question? My question is, if I sleep with someone too early in getting to know them, is that literally, am I screwing myself out of getting a potential relationship? Or is there a way to backtrack and other steps to rearranging that situation?

How early are we talking? A month. A month? But I've known the individual for a year, more of an acquaintance level. So you've known him for a long time? Right. And did you, in that month, when you say after a month, what was the difference with that month? Were you actually dating or were you seeing each other differently?

He initiated flirting and then we got to talking and every time we would see each other, it was just more of that chemistry and chit chat and then one night we were out and obviously a little sauced and things led to another so i'm trying to understand if we can potentially backtrack a little bit and make this more than just a booty call what's he doing right now uh he, he's, I think he's asleep. I don't know. He works different shifts. I mean, like right now, I don't know. Not literally this moment. I mean, what's he doing right now? Is he, is he contacting you? Are you still seeing each other? Are you, yes. We've spent some time together and we've hung out and I wouldn't say they're like quote unquote official dates, but we're spending time together and we talk daily. So I feel like there's the potential there.

Have you been intimate with him since or have you not? Yes. Okay, you have. So is that like now a regular thing with the two of you? It's happened three times. Three times. Okay. And when he gets together with you, what do you typically do? Do you just go to each other's houses? Do you tend to... casual. And I guess I'm just nervous about, I don't want to be just a booty call because I really do have interest in this gentleman. Right. Okay. So always your actions have to reflect the

actions of someone who actually wants a relationship. And that's the key principle to remember is right now, do my actions reflect the actions of someone who is actually trying to be in a relationship? If, for example, a guy texted you late at night and said, I really want to see you and you went over there. Right. That may not be. I think we know what that is. Right. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with the booty call, so to speak, and it can go both ways. So I don't have a problem with that scenario. But if you want a relationship, when he does that, there is a way to react that might lead you towards a relationship. And there is a way to react that might lead him to thinking you're happy just being casual. If you wanted a relationship, for example, you might say to him um you know what i can't it's

late it's past my bedtime but uh i'm around during the day on sunday if you want to go do something now what you're really saying is uh it's too late for you to be asking me but don't worry i'm not taking it personally i'm fine um and you're being cute because you're saying it's past my bedtime but at the same time you're saying if you past my bedtime. But at the same time, you're saying, if you want to see me on Saturday and go do something, then let's do that. So what you're doing is he's given you something to work with, but then you're replying with what you really want him to do. That way, if you did that two or three times in a row,

someone starts to begin, they begin to understand. There's a hint there that, you know, this thing isn't really going to work for me. Um, but, but we can do more. We can go out, we can have a good time. We can see each other properly if you want to. Now, if he says, is everything okay? And he starts questioning what you're doing, you can say, yeah, of course, everything's fine. I know that for me, just hooking up at the end of the night or something like that, that's easy. I could do that with anybody. I'm not really interested in that right now.

You don't even have to say, I am interested in a relationship with you. Just make it clear that you're not interested in that because the relationship part, he will take care of for you if he feels like, oh, so I can't be casual with her. So if I want to be with her, what do I have to be? He will now do the math in his head. Does that make sense? He'll realize he has to do more, but it does start with you. And if you want to turn it around, there may be nothing to turn around right now, but if you want to turn it around, there may be nothing to turn around right now.

But if you want to start leading him towards a relationship, start behaving in the way that you think you should behave with someone that you want to fully respect you, to fully invest in you, to give you everything that you want. You could do one of two things. And I'll finish with this. You could do one of two things. You can either suggest going out instead. You know, let's go do something, and, you know, I don't know if I can at the end of the night, and I have to be up early or whatever. Or you can go around to his house,

but when he tries to sleep with you, which inevitably he will, when he tries to sleep with you, you just casually say to him, look, I don't know if I want to be moving as quickly as to sleep with you you just casually say to him look i don't know if i i want to be moving as quickly as i am with you given that you know i'm not entirely sure this is going anywhere um don't like that don't make it about i'm not sure that you think it's going anywhere because then you're really just putting everything in his hands in other words yours if you want me and if you don't want me that's fine you just say just say to him, I'm not really sure that this is going anywhere. So I don't, you know, right now I don't know that I want to move as fast as I am. So I don't mind

seeing you and having fun with you. But, you know, if there's no meaning to this, you know, that's easy. I can, I can do that with anyone, anytime, anywhere. That's easy. I don't, I'm not really out for that. Um, and his respect for you will go up. So will his attraction for you. And also if you know anything about my attraction formula, which is in my book, um, you know, that perceived challenge is an important part of attraction. And when you do this, it will also up your challenge. So, um, go do that. go do that and i look forward to finding out how you get on i am excited thank you thank you natasha i appreciate you calling in we'll speak to you soon okay you bet say my name one more time natasha i'm so delighted

you have my number that's all i have to say well thank you very much. Take care. Bye-bye. At the beginning of today's show, I brought up the question, how can we open ourselves up to love again when we've been hurt? In one of my live seminars, I actually coached a woman through this in a Q&A session, and I want to give you free access to it today. I call this video, The Three Female Mindsets That Drive Men Wild, and it's filled with empowering and practical advice that you can use today. To get your free access,

just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.