Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Don’t Let This Conversation Trap Ruin Your Relationship

Episode Date: July 25, 2016

Uh-oh. Here it comes. You’ve been dating a man for a while now and everything is going great until you mention a guy “friend” of yours. Suddenly, he’s obsessing about this “friend” and wants to know exactly how “friendly” you’ve been in the past. Before he hooks you into this conversation trap, listen to today’s episode of LOVE Life for my 3 tips on exactly what to say to diffuse his jealousy, ease his mind, and keep your new relationship going strong.   

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. Quick question for you. Do you know the nine words that you can text a man that will make you completely irresistible to him? No, I'm not talking about sexting. This is much more intelligent because it allows you to keep your standard and drive him crazy with desire at the same time.

Think you can guess what it is? I'll come back to this at the end of the show today. So make sure not to miss a minute. So there's a situation that I think ruins a lot of early new romantic relationships. I'm going to give you this scenario and I know you've probably been there before. You can play it out in the worst possible way. It starts like this. One person brings up that they have this friend. If it's a woman early on in the relationship, she'll be like, oh yeah, one of my guy friends, blah, blah, blah. And one of the immediate things that goes through his head is, well, who is this guy friend? And have you hooked up? We have this sort of initial insecurity and

territorial nature that immediately makes us question the opposite sex. Now, ladies, I'm going to be speaking to you in this episode because it's a guy problem, I think, even more than a woman's problem that guys get overtly territorial in this sense. You can have, for example, a woman who says, and this actually came up recently with a friend of mine. She said to me, this guy that I'm dating and I really like, he got really frustrated because I ended up telling a story and indirectly it referenced a guy that I knew a few months ago. And I said, you know, it's this friend of mine. And he said, well, have you hooked up with him? And she said, yes. Now she said, I was just being honest and I

don't like lying. So I just said yes. But ever since then, he's had this massive problem with it. How do you get around this situation? Because it's tricky. You don't want to get into the territory of always lying to your partner and saying, no, nothing happened there. I have a few tips for this. Firstly, I want to help you understand the male psychology here. One of the problems is men's unhealthy attachment to women seeming pure and innocent and never having been with anybody at the same time, by the way, as wanting her to be wildly experienced and amazing in the bedroom. Complete catch 22 there, but guys do go through this all of the time. The second problem guys have is if he's been courting you for the last three weeks because he likes you and you like him. And he's been taking you on dates

and great dinners and these romantic scenarios. And he's just now getting to the point of sleeping with you. And then he hears that you hooked up with some guy six months ago on a one night stand or someone you'd barely seen. And he was just sleeping with you willynilly, so to speak, without having to do anything, none of the fine dining. A guy thinks, screw this. So hang on, you're with me right now and it took me three weeks to get to this point with you. And then some guy you don't even care about was able to get this from you in one week without even trying. How is that okay? So that annoys a guy. It frustrates a guy. Now, women, I know where you're coming from. This is the backwards logic. No, the reason I made you wait is because I like you. How mental is that? But it's the truth. If you don't care about a guy, you're far more likely

to jump into bed with him than a guy you really like. And you go, oh, well, no, I just, I didn't want to ruin it with you. So when this issue comes up, understand that it both comes from a pig headed place and a wildly insecure place at the same time. And you have to deal with that with a certain level of sensitivity. Now, the first thing is do not use his language. The mistake my friend made is when he said, did you hook up with him? She said, yes. Use your own language instead. For example, you say, look, I think it wasn't hooking up. We saw each other for a little while.

Now, they may be the same thing, but you're using your language instead of his. A guy will always use the most self-harming language he can, because he's trying to be, especially when he's trying to paint a picture about you, he uses coarse language to describe it. But if you reiterate that language or you just affirm it, it's like you're the one saying it. Guys will lead you into that trap. Second, when you talk about it, be bored of it. Don't say, oh, this, you know, this guy don't look, he was an idiot. I can't stand him. Don't, do not start dissing the guy from the past or talking badly about him. All it shows is how much you care, how much that guy was able to hurt you and still is in your head right now. Be bored about it. Be like, look, yeah, you know, we saw each other for a

little bit. It's so done. So done. I'm so over it. Uh, and truthfully, I don't even want to be talking about it. It bores me. Because for a guy in your present, that's something that isn't intimidating to him is your boredom. But your anger, as soon as he hears your anger, he thinks, oh God, she really liked this guy. So be bored of it. Use your own language and be a little sensitive. In other words, you can say to him, look, truthfully, I'm with you now and I care a ton about you and you're my only interest and I don't care about anyone I've been with in the past. That's not my interest right now.

That's boring to me. You're interesting to me because you're who's in my life right now and I want to put all of my attention on you. Thank you, my friends. I will speak to you soon. I appreciate you listening to Love Life. So have you guessed what those nine words are that will make you irresistible to men no well i've included that and eight other equally effective scripts in a free guide i've created for

you called nine magic texts no man can resist the text i was talking about at the top of the show is number two of nine just copy and paste it or any of the nine texts tonight and he'll be eating out of the palm of your hand to get your free guide just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash Texas