Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Don’t Wait for the “Perfect” Man

Episode Date: May 6, 2016

If you don’t have a lot of experience in the dating world, how are you supposed to find the perfect guy? My answer: You’re NOT. Listen in as I explain how making mistakes in dating takes the pressure off and opens you up to ultimately find the guy who’s right for you.

Welcome to Love Life, I'm Matthew Hussey. Now do you ever feel like you're stuck in a rut? We all do from time to time. The problem is just going through the motions cuts off our ability to grow and increase our happiness in life. Now what would happen if you actually began living each and every day with purpose? Let me tell you, it is possible to transform your life from ordinary to extraordinary, and it doesn't have to take months or years, but just a matter of days. Stick with me till the end of the show, and I'll tell you exactly how to do it.

You're listening to Matthew Hussey. This is Love Life, and we have Morgan on the phone. Morgan, are you there? Morgan? Hi. Hello. You were not saying anything for a moment, or at least I couldn't hear you. I was worried that you ditched me. I would never do that. I'm so sorry.

Can you hear me okay? I can. I once got stood up on a date when I was in high school, and everyone else found out about it the next day. And the story of how I got stood up got more and more elaborate all the time. So it started with where I just went to meet her at the movie theater and she didn't show up. But then someone added rain. So it was raining in the next version of the story. And then in the next version of the story and then in the next version of the story I was well overdressed I'd wore a top hat and was wearing a blazer and a shirt so I was just standing there in the rain sullen in my formal outfit waiting to go to the movies with a woman who never showed up so when I when I had that nervous twitch in my voice it was more a fragment of a memory that's never quite faded it wasn't to do

with you Morgan I apologize well that sounds like a nightmare so I'm glad I'm talking to you now well I'm glad you're here what's your question so I'm 22 and I've never had a boyfriend or really been in a serious relationship although my friends would say that I have a lot going for me. You know, I'm used to being independent. I'm pretty comfortable on my own. But I want to know how I can start to be, you know, more open to meeting guys and able to actually give guys a chance. So what's stopping you being open?

What are you worried about? I feel like I'm just waiting for this perfect guy to come along and just sweep me off my feet. And I feel like I'm just waiting for this perfect guy to come along and just sweep me off my feet. And I feel like the guys that do show interest, I just automatically find something wrong with them. And then I just kind of brush them off and then I end up, you know, alone. And then I'm like, well, why am I lonely? And, you know, it's kind of a recurring cycle there. How many friends do you have? I have a group of about six great girlfriends from college. Okay.

And do they have some things wrong with them? Do you mean imperfections? Yep. Yeah, everyone does, I guess. That was very diplomatic on behalf of your friends, I have to say. So you have friends. Why didn't you wait for the perfect one to come along before you made those six friends? Because nobody's perfect.

Ah, so no one's perfect. So you said, I'll make six friends because no one's perfect. And what an unreasonable expectation it would be for me to wait for the perfect person to come along. Except you're not crazy because there is a fundamental difference between friends and a boyfriend. What's the difference? How many boyfriends are you going to have at the same time? Just one. Just one, probably, right? No one's against you having more than one, but I'm guessing that you're looking for just one at a time. So if you're looking for just one at a time, it would sort of be the same as saying you're only allowed one friend at a time. If someone said you could only have one friend at a time,

you would say, well, I better wait for the perfect one to come along because I don't want someone who's imperfect or someone who's not up to my standard being my only friend in the world. So you might be a bit more scrutinizing with the friends you had if you could only have one of them.

That makes a lot of sense. So maybe you're not crazy. Maybe you have a good standard for the type of person that you want to spend your life with. But maybe starting from that place is looking at it the wrong way. It might be that right now it would just be fun to find a cool guy to go to the movies with. It may be that it might be fun to have a flirtatious guy or an engaging guy or someone who's intelligent or handsome or whatever it may be to have dinner with or to go and enjoy some other parts of life with or to be intimate with. It might be that there is someone out there right now who is good in some ways and not in others. And maybe you look at him and you say, okay, this guy doesn't have everything

I want. I know that, but he has some good qualities and he's fun to spend time with right now. Is there any big problem with that? No, not at all. And that makes a lot of sense. I think that I just need to get started somewhere. And that doesn't have to be the guy I married. But, you know, I'm never going to meet that guy if I don't, you know, get started at some point. And you know what is, it's even better than that. You're absolutely right. Of

course, but it's even better than that because the guy that you marry, even though us guys, when we, when we think of our girlfriends or our wives lives, none of us want to picture too much of her past relationships or who she's been with. It's not that much fun. But at the same time, what guys often forget is that we benefit from a woman's past relationships. We benefit from the guys she has dated in the past and the experiences she's had because those experiences have taught her something. They have helped her become who she is today. They have given her a sense of what she likes versus what she doesn't like. And that's really powerful because sometimes you only end up with the right person because you've dated people that showed you what you didn't want.

I would say that right now. And how old are you, Morgan? 22, you said? Yes. So right now, I would say that you finding your way to the right guy involves dating some different guys, interesting guys, even some guys that don't turn out to be good for you, because those are the ones that are actually going to educate you on what you really like. Right. So I think it's an important part of the process and I think you should be prepared to go and screw up. I think you should be prepared to go on some bad dates. I mean, if nothing else, you'll have some wonderful, funny stories that, trust me, you'll love them. I mean, look, don't you want to be stood up and standing in the rain somewhere in a top hat and a jacket yes i guess in some ways i do yeah you don't when you show up but later on it becomes funny and you look back and you go oh these are the wonderful rich

experiences of life and dating and this this has made me who i am today so i think you've got to be prepared to go and screw up right now. And here's what I don't want you to do. All of your friends right now are going to tell you, you're wonderful and you're this and you're that and you should definitely find someone because look how beautiful you are.

You have so much to offer, Morgan. And the first guy you go on a date with, they're going to be like, that was the first guy. That's the guy she's dating now. He sucks. I don't even like him. And they're going to put all this pressure on you because when they see you with someone, he's never going to live up to what they think you should be with. So you're going to have the added pressure of feeling like you have to get it right, not just for yourself, but for everyone else who has really high expectations of you. I've had to put up the same thing with my mom, my whole life.

My mom, every woman I date, she's like, oh, she's lovely. And then she'll be like, and then she'll have something. Right. And I'm like, okay, mom, that's fine. Maybe I'm not going to marry this one, but I'm just dating. It's fine. Relax. And you're going to have to ignore all of the comments from your friends and family who really put too much emphasis on the guys you start dating because they're going to, if you, if you date a guy that isn't their version of the right guy for you, they'll all get worried and they'll be like, oh my God, she's going on the wrong track. Why is she dating people like that?

And all you're doing is dating someone now for five minutes. So just tell everyone, relax, leave me alone. Go do your own thing. I'm fine. Right. I'm out there. I'm making mistakes. I'm fine.

And that's exactly what I want you to do. Okay. Okay. I will do that. Morgan, you're so lovely. I'm so glad to have you on the call. And I think you're the fact that you're even asking how you can go out there and be more open is a great sign. The only thing I'm going to tell you before you leave is just because I'm telling you to go out and make mistakes, it doesn't mean you have to give chances to crappy guys.

So when guys aren't meeting your standard of respect or your standard of etiquette, politeness, chivalry, you don't have to give those guys another second. So I'm not suggesting you go out and give chances to the worst types of guys. I'm simply suggesting that some of those guys who have some great qualities but don't have all the qualities you want, go out on a date and have fun. You don't have to marry them. Okay. I will take everything that you said. This has been so helpful. Thank you, Morgan. I'm so glad you called in. We'll speak soon, okay? All right. Take care, Matthew.

Okay. Bye-bye. So earlier we were talking about being stuck in a rut if you want to discover the secret to living a life of purpose and experiencing a level of joy that most people don't even dare to dream about i have an invitation for you i want you to apply for my matthew hussey retreat now i say apply because this is an exclusive program there are a limited number of spots, and I handpick the women who I think are ready for this radical transformation. But I can promise you this. If you are accepted, I'll take you by the hand and lead you through a life-changing experience

that will give you every tool you need to quickly achieve the things that you want most in life. To claim your spot for a phone interview with one of my expert mentors, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash retreat.