Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Getting Set Up: A Survival Guide

Episode Date: August 26, 2016

On your journey to finding your Mr. Right, you may find yourself getting set up on a date. Whether it’s a cultural thing, or thanks to the (relentless) suggestion of well-meaning friends or family members, suddenly you find yourself sitting face-to-face with a virtual stranger who knows things about you that you’ve never told him. In today’s episode of LOVE Life, I give you some creative ways to break the ice, address the awkwardness, and create a real-life connection of your very own choosing!

Welcome to Love Life, I'm Matthew Hussey. Now do you ever feel like you're stuck in a rut? We all do from time to time. The problem is just going through the motions cuts off our ability to grow and increase our happiness in life. Now what would happen if you actually began living each and every day with purpose? Let me tell you, it is possible to transform your life from ordinary to extraordinary. And it doesn't have to take months or years, but just a matter of days. Stick with me till the end of the show and I'll tell you exactly how to do it.

We have a caller on the line today. Nima. Are you there, lovely? I am. How are you? I'm good. How are you? You getting on well? Yes, I'm great. So, Nima, tell me, what did you want to talk about today? Sure. So I'll give you a little bit of background before I ask you my question. So I'm Indian and I'm being set up with someone by my parents. And I've spoken to this person,

but I haven't met him. But this weekend, he's flying into town from another city to meet me. From what I can tell, he seems really smart and quite shy. And so I often find myself in the situation where someone will set me up and I have a very short amount of time in which to sort of make a first pass or a first cut. And there's a lot of pressure. So I'm wondering, firstly, if you can channel some of his kind of fears or concerns that he might have about, you know, being fed up through parents. And also, you know, is it really possible to make a good impact in a short amount of time? I like what I know of him so far. So what can I do to sort of make this go well? I think firstly, it's really important,

even, you know, there are differences in culture, right? But human beings, they all carry certain traits. And a very human trait is we don't like to be sold something. We want to feel like we're buying it of our own decision. We want to feel like we're making that decision based on what we want, not based on what somebody else wants. So no one, people don't like to be sold. That doesn't mean you can't sell them, right? It just means that they want to feel like it's their decision. So right now, the difficulty of any situation where it's arranged is that both of you want to feel like that decision has been made organ not that this is just some arranged thing that he either doesn't have a say in or that he feels has been imposed on him. So that's the starting point is that he shows up.

He's like, well, maybe my parents think this person might be good for me, but do they really know what I want? Do they really know what sort of person I'm into? So I think that it's important in some way to expose that elephant in the room. So even if that means when you're on the date, you kind of joke about it. Uh, and you're like, well, my, well, my, my, uh, my parents seem to think you'd be great for me and, and laugh about it a little bit and say, you know, I'm still, I have to, obviously I have to figure that out. Uh, you know, I'm still, I have, obviously I have to figure that out. You know, I'm still,

I'm still working that out. I like what I've seen so far. And let him, I can say that. Yeah, of course you can, but you're saying it in a, you know, you're being kind of playful with it. You're not, you're not being overly serious with it. You can, even, even if you said that in the first five minutes, it's like, well, I like the first four minutes that I've seen. You know, you could joke with it. Don't be too serious with it.

At the end of the day, just because you've been set up, it doesn't mean that you're not going to like each other anyway. It just means that you have to help him feel like, oh, she also acknowledges that this is kind of a tough situation. That our parents decided we, we might go well together, but we don't necessarily think so yet. Um, now when you, you can say, well, obviously your parents thought I'd be great for you because I'm awesome. You know, I, I, that's, uh, you know, that's clear, but I, you know, I know you won't even question that you could joke about that as well. And, and, you know, if he's shy, he's going to enjoy you drawing out of him a little bit rather than rather than you being the exact same way. You know, be the person who shines a bit of a light on the awkwardness of the situation.

So that's the that's the first thing. And then secondly, in terms of you showing him or making an impact in a short space of time. You're not trying to, you don't need someone to fall in love with you in a short space of time. You just need them to be curious about you. Curiosity is the beginning of attraction. That moment where you, you know, you can get curiosity before you've even spoken to someone. You could see someone across the room be making eyes at each other. And then when you leave five minutes later you're going god i'm curious about that person you know like i want to know about them and it's not necessarily that you even consciously think you're attracted to them yet you're just intrigued by them and you want to know more so i wouldn't overly focus on you know how do i get him interested i would just focus on how do I, in this space of time,

make him feel a sense of intrigue about me as a person. And that's about, you know, you having stories that convey qualities that he might like. So if you have stories from your past that show a sweet side of you or a playful side of you or a strong side of you you know stories will always help you convey qualities in a short space of time because if we say if we spend six months together we'll have our own moments where you've seen how I interact with different situations and those might get you um get you going those might make you feel like god this person is is right for me I saw the way he handled that but But in a short space of time, you're not seeing each other interact with different experiences. So you have to transport those experiences into the now by talking about

things that have happened in the past. So telling stories from the past is a really great way to almost cheat and give him an impression of you that would normally take months for him to get. Yeah, yeah, I like that a lot. Very nice. Beautiful. Well, Nima, thank you so much for calling in. I feel like this has been such a, you know, it's been kind of a unique phone call. And I think the advice we've covered isn't just going to be relevant to you. I think it's going to be relevant to so many people out there because this even, you know, is relevant to people who just get set up on a blind date or matched by their friends uh you know and their friends think they'd be

great for someone but they don't know yet so i think this your question is fantastic and it's i'm sure it will have helped so many people out there so thank you i'm so glad for that and thank you so much again i'm so excited to have the opportunity to speak with you so thank you thanks nemo well listen have a wonderful day. Good luck with it and enjoy it. And just relax and have fun. And I look forward to hearing about it. Call in and let us know how it goes, all right? I will.

I will do that. All right. Thank you. All right. Thanks, Neema. Take care. Bye. So earlier we were talking about being stuck in a rut.

If you want to discover the secret to living a life of purpose and experiencing a level of joy that most people don't even dare to dream about, I have an invitation for you. I want you to apply for my Matthew Hussey retreat. Now I say apply because this is an exclusive program. There are a limited number of spots and I handpick the women who I think are ready for this radical transformation. I can promise you this, if you are accepted, I'll take you by the hand and lead you through a life-changing experience that will give you every tool you need to quickly achieve the things that you want most in life. To claim your spot for a phone interview with one of my expert mentors, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash retreat.