Love Life with Matthew Hussey - “He Won’t Commit – But He Won’t Let Me Go”

Episode Date: March 22, 2017

You love him. You want to be with only him. But he wants to keep his options open. He knows how much it hurts you that he can’t give you the commitment you want, so why does he stay in touch and keep stringing you along? The reason is simple. What you need to do about it, well, that’s the hard part. In today’s LOVE Life, I take a call from a young woman named Julia who’s in this painful situation. I explain what’s going on in his head and tell her how to respond. If you, too, have ever found yourself holding onto hope that a man will give you more because he’s not kind enough to let you go, don’t miss this episode.

This is Love Life. I am your host, Matthew Hussey, and I am so glad you're here that I wanted to do something special for you today. Since I get asked so many questions about texting, I've decided to put together a free guide for you called the 9 Magic Texts No Man Can Resist. These are literally copy and paste scripts that you can use in all kinds of situations to get a man to ask you out, to create attraction and desire, and to become the most intriguing woman in his life. Now, I'm going to tell you exactly how you can get your free guide at the end of the show, so stay tuned. First, let's get into the episode. We have another caller coming in today. Her name is Julia. Julia, are you there? Hi, Julia. Why don are you there? Hi, Julia.

Why don't you tell us your question? Okay, well, it's a little complicated, but I'll try to make it short. I've been with this guy for about two years. We broke up eight months ago. For the past eight months, I've been in competition with this girl online, like a girl he never met, most likely a girl he's never going to meet. So, and I also recently found out he slept with his ex a couple months ago. So my question is, he keeps telling me, I don't want to commit. I don't want to commit to a relationship,

but I feel like he's committed to her because he's always going back to her and me. So why is it like so hard for him to commit? Or is it just like he wants her because he knows she's temporary and he sees the future with me and that scares him? I don't know. Like, why is it so hard for him to commit from like a guy's perspective? Wait, so he slept with his ex once when? When you were in a relationship? No, it was when we broke up, but I just recently found out. Okay, so he slept with his ex after he was with you.

Right. And he's also been talking to this woman online. Right, and me all at the same time. Okay. How old is this guy? He's 17. I'm 18. Okay. So what do you think might be going on for him right now as a 17-year-old?

I don't know. Young man. What do you think might be going on for him right now as a 17-year-old young man? I don't know. I feel like he's just starting to mature, but it also scares me. Why doesn't he just let me go if it's so hard for him to commit? And yet I told him, just let me go. Because he's selfish. That's what I thought. That's exactly what I thought.

Because he's selfish. And because 17-year-olds are selfish. Right. That doesn't mean all 17-year-olds are bad people, but if you want to come up with a bit of a stereotype, you know, teenagers are selfish. And by the way, he may be selfish for another 10 years. You know, you say he's maturing. He might be maturing for another 20 years. You don't know

that yet. But he's not essentially looking out for your feelings. He's right now enjoying validation from every direction. Right. And by the way, what, you know, what do you like about him? Well, the relationship I think is what I'm really holding onto. And I really liked how he was so good to me. And he also helped me a lot when my dad passed away and he was also always there for me and he was just always there. And I really liked that, like how he was just always there for me, and he was just always there, and I really liked that, like, how he was just always there when I needed somebody. So there was a lot of stuff between us.

Chemistry for years we've had, and it's just we can't, like, let go. Well, he can't, and I'm trying to, like, understand why it's so hard for him to just commit to me. It just doesn't make any sense. But when you say he's selfish, I understand. Because he doesn't want commitment right now with,

with anybody, with anybody. It's not just about you. Chances are he doesn't want commitment with anybody. Um, and he may have chemistry with you and he may like you and he may care about you. And, uh, for those reasons, he doesn't like to let go. It may be he likes you so much he doesn't want to let go, but caring about you would be to let you go. And he doesn't care about you enough to do that. Now, it sounds like you're just addicted to the good feeling you have of someone being there for you.

Right. I can tell you right now that that is incredibly replaceable. There will be plenty of people in your life that will be there for you, especially if you're willing to invest in them and to love them and to create a great bond with them. There will be plenty of people who will be there for you. Now, by the way, Julia, you're how old? I'm 18. Right. So chances are you're going to meet lots more men and it's going to take you a few more men to even find out what you want. Because I know that when I was your age, I thought

I had some sort of clue as to what I wanted. Right. And then that changed every year since. So you're going to change a lot. And I think it's good for you that this person isn't someone who wants to commit to you and isn't someone who's right for you right now, because I'm not so sure that you would be ready for that either. I think you have a lot more to go through and a lot more people to experience. And I think it's good for you to experience selfish men at this age

because that's something that you're going to experience later on too. That doesn't end. You'll still experience selfish men in five years, in 10 years, in 15 years. But you know what? The women who I meet who are 30 years old or 35 and they're really good at dealing with guys and sifting out the good ones from the bad ones, usually they are that way because they've been through the bad ones before.

They've been through the guys that aren't ready, that are selfish, and they get to be much quicker at seeing those guys for who they are instead of letting those guys in to their inner world and their inner circle and allowing those guys to do too much damage. So this is all good. Meeting a guy like this and feeling attraction for him is good. The pain is good. The rejection is good. It's all very important. And I wouldn't wish for anything else for you. If you called me today and said, if I had a magic wand that could take away all of this and make him right for you and make him commit and not have you have to experience being in competition for anybody,

I still wouldn't waive it. I would still want you to go through all of this and have this experience because it's really important for making you an interesting and developed person. Wow, you're amazing. Oh my God. Everything you just said was like on point. So have fun out there, Julia. Enjoy it.

Don't waste any more time here. You know, you don't have to be mean about it. You don't have to cut yourself off from him completely if you don't want to. But he's not denying himself other experiences and you shouldn't either. Okay, got it. All right. Be brave, be courageous, go do your thing. I know you will. All right. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

All right. Big love, Julia. See ya. Thank you for listening. Now, I didn't forget. At the beginning of the show, I promised you a special gift. To get your free nine texts guide filled with copy and paste scripts that you can use on any guy, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash texts.