Love Life with Matthew Hussey - He’s Got a Close Female Friend? 2 Things that Will Help You Deal

Episode Date: February 27, 2017

It’s only natural to feel a little jealous of the “other woman” in your man’s life. But if your relationship is worth it, you can deal with a close female friend. However, the key is NOT his expecting you to just “get over it” – he’s got to meet you half way and be part of the solution. In today’s episode, I explain how you can adjust your attitude toward the situation, plus reveal the two, non-negotiable things you need from your partner to protect your ego – and your relationship.

Hello everybody this is Matthew Hussey with Love Life. Do you know the number one most powerful technique you can use to get any man addicted to you and only you? Take a second to see if you can figure it out. Don't worry if you can't guess what it is. It's simple to use but it's also easy to overlook which is why most women will never use it. I'll tell you what this subtle trick is in just a moment. But first, let's get to the episode. Question. How do you deal with the situation when your partner has either a close friend of the opposite sex or spends a lot of time with friends of the opposite sex. How do you deal with this situation? Well, I think in a sense, it's partly our situation to deal with and it's also 50% our partner's situation to deal with. The onus is partly on us to figure out a way

to be comfortable with certain situations. Okay, so let's deal with that first. We have to look at this in this way, that there are times when our partner will be hanging around people of the opposite sex, and we have to be comfortable enough in our relationship to know that it can deal with those things. And by the way, if it can't deal with those things, then it probably isn't a relationship that you need to worry about in quite the same way, if it can't deal with those things, then it probably isn't a relationship that you need to worry about in quite the same way, because the reality is it won't be worth what you think it's worth. So it may feel like it tames our insecurity in the short term to tell our partner that they can't be friends with this person, that they're not allowed to go out and hang around with

a certain group of people. It may make life more comfortable for us in the short term, but in the long term, it sets a bad precedent. It essentially makes you this person, this dictator over the friends that your partner can and can't have, and it feeds a level of insecurity and instability in the relationship itself. I also think that we need to be fluid. Not every situation is the same. We must try at all costs to avoid absolute rules before we go into situations on what your partner can and can't do. Because I know plenty of people who say, well, I thought this would bother me, but actually with this particular person, I'm really good friends with her and I think she's wonderful

and it just doesn't bother me because I know what their relationship is. There are those moments where we make exceptions because we realize that actually most of these situations have to be dealt with on a case-by-case basis. When we come up with blanket rules, we become unreasonable people and when we become unreasonable people, our partners want to rebel against us. They don't want to be the people that are team players because we're not being a team player. Now, that's also where our partner comes in because our partner is 50% of this deal. Now, there are two

words that I think are really important from our partner's side. One is involvement. The other one is transparency. Let's start with involvement. It has to be the case that your partner, where appropriate and where possible, tries to involve you in that friendship. When we're open about those things in the moment, and when we actually try and involve that person or our partner in the conversation, in the concert, in whatever it is, then it becomes far less threatening because we feel like our egos are protected in the situation. I mean, that's one of the most important things of any relationship is to protect our partner's ego. And when we have a friend of the opposite sex, we have to be careful to protect their ego and to make sure that they feel like number one, that they feel like the most important person to us. And that

means involving them. And the same is true the other way around. The second term is transparency. As I said, the more open our partner is about that friendship, about what goes on, the easier it's going to be. When little lies start occurring, that's when problems begin. That's when we start to distrust those moments that they have with those friends. That's when we don't trust them when they're out of sight. So we must take it upon ourselves to communicate this to our partners. You know, when our partners do have a friend and there's something about it that's making us uncomfortable, we have to talk about it. Look, I, I, I don't want to tell you you can't do something because that's not my style and I'm not insecure in that way. And I don't want to make you feel, I don't want to create

rules that, that just wouldn't feel good for our relationship. But I need you to understand that I need to feel important to you. Um, otherwise I won't feel like our relationship is what it is. And me feeling important is you making me feel involved and being honest with me about the situation. You know, not me finding out later that there are details that I don't know about. If you're honest with me, then everything gets much easier. And if I feel involved, then I don't feel hurt by the situation. So having that conversation with our partner is really important. And then they'll feel from us that we're not coming from a place of rules and trying to tell them what they can and can't do, but instead coming from a place of mutual respect. And ultimately, look, your partner has to put you

number one. That's just a given. You have to be the number one priority. And if you ever feel like you're not, then there's something wrong with the relationship. And that's a more serious conversation to be had. It's all very well people having friends, but when they're with us, we have to feel like the number one priority. We have to be the number one priority. That's what a real relationship is, is putting that person first. So good luck out there. Have fun. Communicate with your partner.

Don't hide behind these issues. Go out there and talk to them and let me know how you get on. Join me for the conversation on Facebook, facebook.com forward slash coach Matthew Hussey. If you haven't already become a fan on our Facebook page, please go there now and do that. That way I can keep you up to date on everything that's going on, all of the new content we have, and make sure that you don't miss anything. I'll see you soon. Now, on to the answer to the question that I asked you at the start of the show. What's the number one most powerful technique to get any man addicted to you? Compliments. It sounds simple and it is. A

well-given compliment will make him melt in your hands, but the exact words you need to use are crucial and easy to mess up. That's why I've created a special guide for you where I give you my five most powerful compliments that you can give to any man to create a deeper connection. To download your five compliments guide, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash compliments.