Love Life with Matthew Hussey - How Not to Be Jealous of His Past

Episode Date: March 18, 2016

When you’re dating someone, it’s hard not to wish that everything you do together would be a “first.” The truth is, your guy had a life before you. In today’s LOVE Life I share my advice on how to accept that fact and create new experiences together that will be meaningful for both of you.

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. Have you ever wondered whether you should date more than one guy at a time? Every dating expert seems to have a different opinion on this. But what do guys really think about a woman who keeps her options open? Well, I'll tell you how to get the answer at the end of the show. First, let's get into today's episode. Here's a question. How do you avoid being jealous about your partner's past?

I don't mean their ex-lovers or their ex-partners or their ex-husbands or wives. I mean, how do we actually not be jealous of the life they have lived before us? The fact that they have tried different things, they have traveled to different places, they have experienced different things in the world to do, different hobbies, different passions, different lessons, different books. They have lived a life before we came along. And sometimes it's tough, especially when we're dating people who are a little older and, you know, they have lived lives before us and potentially several different lives before they met us. It can be tough sometimes, especially when we feel like we aren't experiencing something for the first time with them. I remember once going to London with someone

that I was dating and knowing that that person had been to London several times and was very well acquainted with London. And I found myself getting jealous because I thought I would have loved to have gone to London with you for the first time and to have shown you that and to have seen your kind of excited gaze as you looked at this city for the first time through me. That would have been such a fun thing. And I remember feeling jealous of the fact that this person had been to London many times without me. And I expressed this to the person.

You know, I said, it kind of sucks that you've been here before and you've, you've done so much. And I said, you, you already know London, you've already experienced London. And she said something to me that completely changed it. She said, no, no, no, but I want to see your London. And it was such an incredibly sweet thing to say, because all of a sudden, whatever I had felt about the experience that she'd had before, she made me feel like she was interested in the new experience of it that we would have together,

that she wanted to see my version of London. And I think that that can apply even if I hadn't been to London before. Let's say we were going to Mexico for the first time together. And that person said, um, you know, let's say that person had been there before. And I was jealous of the fact that they'd been there before and we were now going again. And they said to me, no, I, I, it doesn't matter to me that I've been there before. I can't wait for us to have our experience of it, for us to go and see it our way and create our memories of it. It's going to be a completely different place to me. Seeing it through your eyes and seeing it with you is going to be so different than any time. It's going to be so much more special than I could

have done it before, knowing that I'm going to be doing it with you. That's going to make it new again to me. It's such an incredibly sweet thing to do for somebody. And if you're the person, by the way, who is the person who has traveled and experienced a lot of life, and your partner is the one who finds themselves jealous, because of course, ladies, you know, you could easily find yourself with a man like me who was saying exactly that. Then give them the gift of showing them that you really are excited about experiencing it with them and that whatever you've done before, nothing could excite you more than seeing it with them and having your unique experience of it with him because everything is better with him. There's that wonderful line from the Gatsby movie where Daisy says to Gatsby,

I wish I'd done everything on earth with you because somehow everything on earth done with you is better. I think that's such a beautiful sentiment and one that we should all hold on to for our relationship is showing the person we're with that whatever we're doing, whether we've done it a thousand times or never before, is something that we are more excited about than we could have ever been in doing it with them instead of without them. So thank you for listening. Don't be jealous of your partner's past. Everyone has one. We've all done things before. But we all know that when we do things with the person we love, there is a special kind

of magic that cannot be replaced. And that's what makes it special. Not that it's the first time. Okay, so what do men really think about a woman who dates more than one guy at a time? I'm going to tell you and reveal the three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild in a free video that I've created for you. You're going to get exclusive access to a Q&A session from a live seminar where I coach real women on how to deal with hot and cold men, how to find out if a guy is single, how to be strong and confident in a relationship, and much more.

To get your free access to the three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.