Love Life with Matthew Hussey - How Soon Is Too Soon To Sleep Over Rewind

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

How many dates should you wait before going over to someone's house?If you're worried it's moving too quickly and you're becoming "like a couple" (or even just too sexual) faster than you want, here's what you can do.---►► Make finding love in 2026 inevitable—without making dating your whole life. Join Matthew’s free live Year of Love event on January 20 or 22 at MHYearOfLove.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We got an email in that simply reads, too early to go to his place. So they said, when it comes to the early stages of dating, i.e. first month or two, what would you say is the right balance between having exterior dates versus dates where you go to one another's place? Part of me wonders whether getting to the in-home dates too quickly or doing those too frequently in the beginning gets you to the cupily stage. prematurely which may scare the guy off. Hope to hear your thoughts on this. Sincerely, one of your original followers. I think there's not just a danger of you getting to the Cuppley stage too quickly and

scaring him off. There's obviously the danger of getting to the casual categorisation where it's just kind of all very easy. Yeah, well, those are two different things, right? Those are two different kinds of risk. Right. Yeah, cuply is like, scaring him off by getting to the cuply stage too quickly might be inviting him to dinner with your parents. Right.

But inviting him over or going over to his house doesn't necessarily get you to cut to the cuply stage that's going to scare him off. Right. It just might get you to the, you know, friends with benefits stage or, you know, just hanging out at each other's homes and it all being very easy and frictionless. or friction or friction full there's what you want to do and there's what's prudent to do you might want to do you might want to jump someone that you just met five minutes ago it doesn't mean it's prudent to do that it might not even mean that's safe to do that right so i'm just going to extremes here to illustrate this point i would say this to it people people make this gendered in a way that i think is is unhelpful and actually a distraction because I would say this to both men and women

that I would say to a guy if you really like someone you maybe don't want to have don't want to be in a rush with you know the things that you might normally do if you were being more casual because allowing things to grow more organically in some ways of allows, allow things to unfold in a bit more of a meaningful way. And it allows you to kind of attach a little more meaning to each stage of it. That's not to say that you can't sleep with someone quickly and then sort of retroactively and, you know, from that point on, start to create meaning around those events. And there are plenty of people that end up together that moved incredibly fast in the beginning. So I'm not saying that can't happen, but it, it sometimes

can be a bit of a distraction from the getting to know each other part when a lot of heavy intimacy and fast forwarding stages becomes a kind of surrogate for real connection and actually getting to know each other. And the time that you spend, you know, and that's not to say you could do that going to each other's houses, right? It's not, you don't have to have some, I'm not about rules. You don't have to have some rule that says I can't go to someone's house or they can't come to mine. It's just that sometimes it's misleading when you get into a relation or into a dynamic with someone in the first month or two where you're just always, like what it becomes is just a very sexual relationship with nothing else going on at the same time. You know, you, you know each other's

body's a lot better at the end of a month, but you don't know each other's minds a lot better. And it's an illusion of progress. Yes, exactly. There's an intimacy that's happened that can certainly make you invested. And it can absolutely mean there are now feelings involved and you can get hurt. But that doesn't, you know, you could still ask yourself, how well do we know each other? How much time have we taken to actually have conversation? You know, relationships, good relationships, relationships with solid foundations arise out of an abundance of conversation.

You know, you're in conversation with another person in a way that helps you extract their values, demonstrate yours, gauge your compatibility, to what extent you really do. think the same way, to what extent you have a similar outlook on life, to what extent your goals, your futures are aligned in what you want, at least where you are now. Those things arise out of conversation and intimacy can blind you to the fact that you haven't actually been having any conversation. Right. You mean physical, physical sex or intimacy? Physical intimacy, yes, sexual intimacy, yes. They can blind you to the fact that you haven't had any real intellectual or emotional intimacy that arises out of conversation as opposed to emotional intimacy that arises out of a physical

connection. Yeah. And then, of course, there is the argument of how, you know, is when you go and start spending time at each other's houses, are you giving it to someone too? There's that whole argument, right? The whole, is it too easy for someone? Am I, am I not in a relationship with someone, but I'm giving them everything as if I'm in a relationship with them? And is that going to make them not want to progress to the next level with me that I'm going to their house, sleeping with them, they're coming to mine and so on? I don't, we all know that life is a bit more nuanced

than that. You know, it's not, it's not about, make it, for me at least, everyone has to make their own mind up. But for me, it's not about making some rule. Like, I'm not going to go to your house until blah, blah, blah. It's more, I think, it's more looking at the situation with an honest eye and saying, has this become about one dynamic that is continuing whilst no other part of the dynamic is actually progressing? Yeah. Like, am I just getting the phone call at the end of the night or the text that, you know, to come over on a Saturday night, but we're actually never doing anything else. You know, we're not going out for a walk, you know, doing something that is like going for

coffee, sitting outside and having a chat at a restaurant or whatever. It's if we're not, if we're never doing any of those things, why is that? is it because they don't feel you know maybe maybe we've both gotten into this kind of dynamic where it feels sort of unnatural to do those things and I need to take responsibility for changing up that dynamic instead of just being like I'm not coming to your house anymore suggesting hey do you want to go for breakfast tomorrow I know this great place or do you want to go for a walk in that you want to go on a hike together or do you want to go for a walk in the park tomorrow.

You know, and if you consistently find that they're not interested in any other activity than hooking up at the end of the night, then you start to get your answer about the lack of progression. And ideally, we don't get ourselves into that situation in the first place. And by that, I don't mean that you never, you know, you always hold off on any physical intimacy until you see everything else because that's up to everyone's personal rules and standards. But what I mean is, ideally you wouldn't get into a situation where you realize that after four weeks, you've only been going to each other's houses to sleep together and nothing else

has happened because you want to, like, you want to be moving both in tandem if you're going to do it that way. And you don't, if you, if you only from the beginning, someone comes over at 10pm and you sleep together. It's not that I've definitely heard of couples who slept together really early and stayed together and they said, oh, we slept together in the first few nights. So it's not, like you say, it's not about hard and fast rules, but it's just that if that's the only thing that happens at the beginning, then you kind of have no gauge on their intentions as if they have any interest in moving things in another direction. If you suddenly, after four weeks, suggested, hey, why don't we go do this with my friends on this weekend? And they're like,

I don't want to do that. Then you realize, oh, it was just about coming over and sleeping together and they actually don't want a part of my life at all. It shouldn't come as a shock that they don't want to do any of those things with you after you've already gotten really physically and emotionally close to them. Do you not, that means you've, you've skipped a whole portion of organic relationship building. Yeah. And by the way, if you are someone, this is super important, if you are someone who feels easily used, or if you feel like it would make you feel resentful or it would make you feel

hurt to go down a physical road with someone and then none of that is forthcoming, none of the, you know, spending time together, getting to know each other, having real conversation, progressing the relationship is forthcoming, then don't do that. at that stage. See if you have the other things first. See if they are even interested in spending any time with you on that level. Gage if they are interested in asking you real questions and spending time getting to know you because those tend to be signs that someone is open to an actual relationship. You know, one of the surest signs that someone is looking for something meaningful is when they're actually trying to have conversation with you and get to know you. Because

they're not in the stage of trying to mindlessly hook up. They're actually in the stage of not wanting to waste their time with the wrong person. So they will try to get to know you more and they will be open to spending some time together because sleeping with you, although important to them, right? How many men is it not important to like want that sexual connection and women too? But we know men can rush, you want to have a tendency to want to rush into that, that may still be high on his list, but so will the other stuff. Or it may even be that the other stuff is higher on his list, that no longer is it like, I just want to jump into bed with you, but it's like, I actually am looking for someone serious. So my primary motive is actually trying to get to know you to see

if we're compatible. Do you think then you need to think about your balance of, hey, we're doing the in-home dates too much? We have to say an in-home date doesn't have to equate to physical intimacy, but, you know, sometimes that needs to be made clear to someone. Thank you so much for listening to the episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Before you go, make sure that you do this today.

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this Friday. Thanks for listening, everyone. I'll see you in the next episode. Be well and love life.