Love Life with Matthew Hussey - How to Do What You Want (Without Being Judged)

Episode Date: October 21, 2016

Do you ever feel judged by the people in your life for the decisions you make or your desire to try new things? Ever wish you could just do what you want without worrying about what other people think? Well, you can, and I’m going to show you how. First, it starts with an internal mindset shift. Then, there are two external reactions I’ll teach you that will instantly disarm those “judge-y” friends and possibly even win them over to your side. Either way you’ll be free to do what you want, and they’ll be left without a leg to stand on. 

Welcome to Love Life, I'm Matthew Hussey. Now do you ever feel like you're stuck in a rut? We all do from time to time. The problem is just going through the motions cuts off our ability to grow and increase our happiness in life. Now what would happen if you actually began living each and every day with purpose? Let me tell you, it is possible to transform your life from ordinary to extraordinary. And it doesn't have to take months or years, but just a matter of days. Stick with me till the end of the show and I'll tell you exactly how to do it.

We have a caller on the line today. Alexis, are you there? Hi, Matthew. I'm here. So Alexis, tell me, what was your question? Sure. So a few years ago, I had a bad car accident. Since then, I've been trying to feel like myself again. But now at 33, I feel like I have a back of a 55-year-old. So it's changed how active I've been, but I'm trying hard not to let it define me. Wondering if you have any advice on how to keep it out of my personal narrative, especially when meeting new people. Wow. What a great, your phrasing of that question is really articulate. How to keep it out of my personal narrative. That's fantastic. I love that. So your question

is perfect. I mean, we all have this, we all have something that we feel like features a bit too heavily in or has the potential, I guess, to feature too heavily in our personal relationships when we meet people. For example, you can imagine how much, if I'm not careful, my job, what I do as my career features in my personal narrative if I'm not careful. And I find that for a time, I felt that, found that very difficult because everyone I would speak to, the moment I would start talking about what I did, it would become the subject and it's all that would get talked about for the next 30 minutes to an hour or whatever. And they would keep coming back to it. And I found that tough because there were, you know, there coming back to it. And I found that tough because there were, you know, there are so many things in life I'm interested in that I wanted to explore all of those topics and those ideas. And I also wanted to show that I was multi-dimensional,

that I wasn't just this person who gave advice. I was this person that had interests in all these different parts of life. So I would be very proactive in creating the focus where I wanted it to be. So I would really, I would talk about areas where I wanted to talk. I would almost be a bit more selfish about it. I'd be like, well, this is, this is where I want things to go. This is what I want to feature as a part of me. Now, obviously your back is a slightly different issue, but, but not that much different because your back can either be the thing that, you know, for, if it's on your mind a lot, the natural thing is for you to talk about it a lot. And when you talk about it a lot, all of a sudden you, without even knowing it, it can be the focus of a conversation. It can feel like the thing that you put in other people's heads. What I would be

doing is really proactively saying, what is it I want to be? Rather than saying, what don't I want to be a feature of me? Think of it in this way. What do I want people to notice about me? What do I want people to realize about me? What do I want them to go away saying about me? And when you ask that question, rather than saying, here's what I don't want them to say. And of course, when we go into that mindset, we tend to just focus on it more and more anyway, because it's on our mind.

It's a bit like before I go on TV shows, there are certain shows that say to me, now, I remember going on a tv show in canada where they said um just please avoid using the word mad um when you're on air because we we right now have this mental health campaign going on and we don't want anyone to be using the word mad because it's derogatory towards people with mental health issues and um and the problem was I wasn't even thinking about using that word, but the moment they said it, it's all I could think about. So when I went on air, all I'm thinking, when someone says something to me that seemed to be a little out there, I was, all I could think in my head was, Oh wow, that's mad.

And I, I kept being on the verge of saying it all of the time because they put it in my head. So rather than thinking of the thing that you want to avoid being part of the narrative, I would actually think of, you know, do an exercise today, write down three things that you really want people to notice about you, whether it's your amazing energy, whether it's your kind of, you have kind of a sexy voice, by the way, when you got on the phone, I was like, oh, wow, she's got kind of this sexy thing going on. Thank you. Whether it's that, you know, whether it's an interest that you have, whatever it is,

focus on, okay, I want, I really want people to go away talking. If they were going to go and talk about me, Alexis, five minutes after meeting me what do i want them saying and if you focus on that i think it's going to be really easy to move away from this one feature being something that really defines you in life because your focus is going to be proactive on other areas which there are many seemingly similar to the way you just described yourself, having so many different interests. So there's a lot to discuss. It's just moving past that one segment of life. And trust me, you know, my, my career for nearly a decade now, you know, what I do in the dating realm has featured so heavily in my life that, um, it can, as much as it can be something that, you know, you've has served you, it's also something that

can become a crutch and it can become something that you really end up, uh, disliking because it's all you ever talk about. Well, um, that's why for me, it was so important to develop other parts of myself, to develop other muscles in my personality so that those came to define me just as much as this area over here. And then, you know, that area kind of gets crowded out because people realize, wow, this person really is diverse. There is a lot to this person that I need to tap into. And that's the same for you, clearly. So just make sure you proactively put the focus on the areas that you want people to notice the most. That's wonderful advice. Thank you. I appreciate it. Of course, Alexis, thank you so much for calling in and do call us again sometime

and let us know how you're getting on. And if you find a little, you know, if you find that it's working and if you find a little technique or a tip that you want to bring back to us, call us and let us know. Okay. Right on. That sounds great. Thank you. So earlier we were talking about being stuck in a rut. If you want to discover the secret to living a life of purpose and experiencing a level of joy that most people don't even dare to dream about, I have an invitation for you. I want you to apply for my Matthew Hussey retreat. Now, I say apply because this is an exclusive program. There are a limited number of spots and I handpick the women who I think are ready for this radical transformation. But I can promise you this, if you are accepted, I'll take you by the hand and lead you through a life-changing experience that will give you

every tool you need to quickly achieve the things that you want most in life. To claim your spot for a phone interview with one of my expert mentors, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash retreat.