Love Life with Matthew Hussey - How to Know if He’s Right for You in 5 Minutes

Episode Date: December 21, 2015

If you’re sick of wasting your precious time on the wrong guys, today’s episode of LOVE Life is for you.  Too often, we get stuck in a “small talk” rut when we first meet someone new.  The problem with that, aside from the fact that it’s awkward and boring, is that it doesn’t tell us much about the person that we’re spending time talking to.  I’m going to give you a brilliant conversational technique that allows you to take the question, “How are you?” and turn it into an opportunity to discover whether he has the qualities you’re really looking for in a man.  All in 5 minutes.  This is a must-listen.

Welcome to another episode of Love Life. I'm your host, Matthew Hussey. Every few days, I'll be bringing you a new episode filled with practical advice you can use right away to improve all of your relationships, romantic, family, friends, career, and most importantly, the relationship you have with yourself. If you've been listening to me for a while, please do me a favor and leave me a five-star review in iTunes. In the iTunes app or on your desktop, just look up the show, click on ratings and reviews, and then click write a review. I'm not asking for the ego boost. It's simply because the highest rated programs get the most visibility in iTunes, and together we can help reach more

women by helping them find the show. Thank you so much for your help. Let's start the show. Welcome to Love Life, everybody. So excited to have you here for another call-in. I'm loving doing these. We're having so much fun on each one of them, and every one of them gives a new insight. Happy you're listening, and we have Marianne on the line right now. Marianne, are you there? Yes. Good morning. Good morning. How are you? I'm doing good. So tell me your question. Okay. My question is, how do you know when you're being too picky rather than being selective about the men you spend time with. How picky are you? I've been told that I'm incredibly picky. Can you give me an example of a time when you said something to your friend

and they said you're being too picky? Okay. I try to get some insight as to maybe some of their past, whether they even have an education at all whatsoever or how they even feel about it, because I know it's very important to me and I have a lot of education and I like intellectual talk. Let me ask you a question, Marianne. What to you is an education?

To me, an education, I want someone that's maybe, they don't necessarily have to have a degree, but is interested in learning. Right. So you don't, for you, it's not about whether someone has an education, really. It's about whether someone is intellectually curious. Intellectual, yes. I think that's the best word. I love intellectual talks and even things that I don't know.

I like to learn things from other people. See, I'm the same in the sense that I want to be around people where I can have great conversation with them. But I also know that I actually value curiosity far more than a pre-existing education. If I know someone is interested in learning and they want to go away and figure things out and understand more about the world and learn more and they're into culture or art or traveling or whatever, that curiosity to me is much more valuable than the education itself. Because I can give you many people, by the way, who are educated and who aren't intellectually curious. Yeah, I've met those too. Right. You're right. They're the most boring people in the world. I can give you a ton of people who have no formal education and are completely curious

about everything. They want to learn. They want to devour new information. So I'm happy that you're being fussy. I'm happy that you're picky. I just want to make sure that you're being picky about the right things. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. No, definitely. But, you know, I know that that's one area of my life where I, like you said, I do, when you put in those words, I do value curiosity and just a desire to want to learn new things. So maybe you need a better question. Definitely. Maybe the question you want to ask someone early on is,

maybe you throw out something that you're learning about, something that you're curious about right now, which is a great conversation starter. Someone asks you what you've been up to recently. You can easily segue into something that, oh, well, last weekend I went to this museum to learn all about this whole new area of art or history or whatever it may be. It is so fascinating.

Have you ever gone to learn about it? Great. You answered that on the how are you question. That's easy. And also, by the way, someone will thank you for giving them something more to talk about than how are you? I'm good. You?

Yeah, I'm good. So you come here often to this rock? Those questions are so awkward sometimes. They're really awkward. So you just say what you want to say. But the beauty of that is, of course, when you say, this is what I've been learning about, you say to him, okay,

I told you the geeky thing that I'm learning about was something you're trying to learn about right now. Okay. And if he says, no, I told you the geeky thing that I'm learning about was something you're trying to learn about right now. Okay. And if he says, no, I mean, I don't know. I just am really into Kardashians or whatever crap people say. Then you can go, okay, maybe my time is better with the guy behind him. But at least you'll be asking a better quality question than asking someone something that seems slightly to miss the mark when you say, where did you study or what did you do to get to your job and so on. That doesn't

necessarily tell you anything about someone. Someone could have just worked very hard in their own right to get to where they are. But find out if they're curious. And that little conversation technique is a great way to do it. Make sense? Oh, it makes lots of sense. I will definitely work on the quality of my questions from now on. Marianne, thank you so much for calling.

I really appreciate it. All right. Thank you so much for taking my call. You have a great day. You too. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. I hope you got a lot out of the show today.

I know I always do. Coming soon, I've got more amazing shows in store for you. So be sure you do not miss them. If you haven't done so already, click the subscribe button in iTunes and I'll deliver each new episode straight to you as soon as it's released. And just to recap that little bit of advice from Marianne, I want to make sure you guys are all doing this as well. When you go up to someone, if you want to use that little conversational technique, when they ask you how

you're doing or what you've been up to, just say whatever you wanted to say anyway. If it's what you've been doing that day, great. And then use that as an opportunity to say, okay, I told you what I did with my day. Now you have to tell me what you did with yours. It's almost like when you say something, you give someone else a license to do the same. Thanks for listening. Have an incredible week and I'll talk to you soon.