Love Life with Matthew Hussey - How to Protect the Emotional Energy of Your Relationship

Episode Date: January 29, 2016

No relationship is perfect. You’re going to have your ups and downs, your disagreements and your rough patches. At times, you may feel the need to talk to someone outside of your relationship to get emotional support or even just another point of view. So what’s the appropriate way to do that without being disloyal to your partner or souring others’ opinion of him? Let’s dig into this delicate topic together and I’ll give you my two best pointers to protect the emotional energy of your relationship, even in its most precarious moments. 

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. Quick question for you. Do you know the nine words that you can text a man that will make you completely irresistible to him? No, I'm not talking about sexting. This is much more intelligent because it allows you to keep your standard and drive him crazy with desire at the same time. Think you can guess what it is? I'll come back to this at the end of the show today. So make sure not to miss a minute. Today, we are talking about the extent to which you should talk about your relationship with your friends and family. One of the most romantic things that was ever said to me in a relationship was when someone said to me, I want you to know, by the way, that whatever we talk about together is between us. And I never talk about us in that way with anybody else. You know, I talk to people about the good times we have and, you know, things we've done recently, but I don't talk to people about the things that we discuss together. Whatever you tell me or discuss with me is between us. And not only did it completely turn me on about this

person, it also engendered a much deeper sense of loyalty towards her than I'd even felt before that. Because, look, I mean, a side lesson, but one of the things that's really important in life is that there are two ways to set a standard in a relationship. One way is to wait until someone breaks your standard and then tell them that they were wrong for doing it and express what your standard is. The other way to set a standard is to express it ahead of time, to frame the relationship using that standard. What she actually did there, intentionally or not, was she expressed the standard proactively. She didn't wait for me to go and say something to someone else that she wouldn't want said. She expressed a standard for what she did and in doing so also created that standard in me. Now, why did I find this such a turn on? Well, for me, there's a certain loyalty that comes with a relationship. And of course, this depends on whether loyalty is high up in your list of values.

But for me, loyalty is important. And part of loyalty doesn't just come in the form of not cheating on someone. Part of loyalty is not betraying someone in the sense of expressing matters about them or about your relationship that they haven't consented together on what they're okay discussing with the world and what they're not. Sometimes I think we make the mistake of thinking that's just innate. I think in most people, it's not evidenced by the fact that when you watch most people talk to other people, they say things that I think the other partner wouldn't be comfortable with if they were in the same room. I think we have to be very, very careful with what we tell other people. And I will say this. Most of the time, as relationships evolve, what people tell their friends and their family on in relationships is that the when you start talking negatively about your partner eventually your friends and family won't like them anymore and it's a very hard place to come back from so we have to be very very careful what perception

we're creating out there now there's one situation in which I think sometimes we feel like we need to go and talk to somebody sometimes we really feel like we need to go and talk to somebody. Sometimes we really feel like we need to get something off our chest and we need a third opinion outside of our partners. We need someone who feels detached from the situation, but therein lies the key. When we really feel we must get some outside counsel about our relationships, make sure that A, it's with someone who is detached and doesn't have a vested interest either way, other than to make sure that you're happy, right? That's the first key. And by the way, part of that is making sure that they don't just irrationally dislike your partner, that they actually see your relationship for what it is and just want you to be happy. The second is that you actually find someone that you can go to regularly for that,

rather than spreading that amongst everyone in your social circle. Because what's acceptable is to find someone that you can confide in. Your relationship is a very special thing. And very often in the bad times, we forget to protect it and to look after it. But when things get good again, if they get good again, don't put yourself in a position that you wish you hadn't. Don't say things that you wish you hadn't or spread things around about your partner that you wish you hadn't protect the energy of your relationship and give the level of loyalty that you expect from your partner under the same circumstances that's it from today my friends i hope you enjoyed it i look forward to speaking to you soon if you're not on my facebook right now go to facebook.com forward slash coach matthew hussey we'll keep you up to date on latest episodes of the show

new videos i'm bringing out new articles and all of that good stuff. I look forward to speaking to you in the next episode. So have you guessed what those nine words are that will make you irresistible to men? No? Well, I've included that and eight other equally effective scripts in a free guide I've created for you called nine magic texts no man can resist the text I was talking about at the top of the show is number two of nine just copy and paste it or any of the nine texts tonight and he'll be eating out of the palm of your hand to get your free, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash Texas.