Love Life with Matthew Hussey - How to Talk to a Ridiculously Hot Guy

Episode Date: February 3, 2016

Chill for a minute… So that guy you want to talk to is super hot.  Before you let your nerves get the best of you, leaving you a giggling, babbling mess, listen to today’s LOVE Life.  I’m going to tell you how to take your power back and remain in control of the conversation.  That’s right – YOU are going to set the pace and tone with this guy, which will make you seem confident and magnetic on the outside (no matter how nervous you are on the inside).  Who’s the ridiculously hot one NOW???

this is love life with Matthew Hussey I'm glad you're here now if you're new to the show don't be fooled by the name love life yes we talk all about love and relationships but we also go deeper into every other area to give you advice to explode your career get the most out of all of your relationships, create amazing opportunities in your life, and so much more. If you've been following me for a while, or if you're new and you like what you hear today, please go to iTunes and give this show a five-star review and leave a comment. It'll help more women like you find and enjoy the show. So we've talked recently about the idea of feeling like someone is too hot.

We put them on a pedestal, we get nervous, our intentions get the better of us, and all of a sudden it's game over before it's even started. Well, I want to carry on that concept for a moment and talk to you about how you can make the most of a situation with someone you think is hot by remaining unfazed and in control in a moment where normally your nerves get the better of you. Now let's think about this for a moment. What normally happens when we get nervous? We start to fidget more. We start to move more. We start to talk faster. Our breathing gets more shallow. We get reactive. When someone says something to us, we immediately want to jump in and carry on the conversation. We don't want there to be an awkward silence. Everything that happens with us starts to move faster.

And this is very dangerous because, of course, as soon as you start moving everything faster, as soon as you become reactive to everything someone says, and by the way, that can take the form of laughing too much at jokes. You know, very often when we get too reactive, we laugh at everything someone says, even when it's not designed to be a joke. We laugh at everything we say. We have that nervous giggle at the end of what we say. Or when someone says something, we get overreactive in trying to

impress them, trying to agree with them all the time, trying to stay in rapport with someone. And as soon as someone sees us being overly sensitive, overly reactive to everything they say, then they realize that they hold all the cards. They have the power in the situation. Now, what's a classic way to take power back? A classic way is to actually start to be less reactionary to what someone else is doing, remain unfazed, and you dictate the pace, the nature, the tone of the conversation. Now, how do you do that whilst remaining nervous, right? Because we can do a whole separate show about how to eliminate nerves internally,

but how do you just do it externally? Because I want to give you a quick way of going and doing this today without having to change your whole internal makeup right now in this moment. Let me tell you how. When you're speaking to someone, you can still be nervous and slow down. You can still be nervous and not answer someone immediately when they say something to you. You can still be nervous and keep your body still and just relax. The way you do it is you take the pressure off yourself to say anything intelligent, smart. You even take the pressure off yourself to say anything quickly. Just slow everything down because what will happen is, look, your brain is freaking out either way. But would you rather your brain freak out and be speaking or your brain freak out and you be sitting there kind of casual and chill, giving yourself more time to react? Imagine why people

are more charming, witty, charismatic through online dating messages and text messages and emails and Facebook than they are in person. Why is that? Well, it's not because they've fundamentally changed between the two mediums. It's because when they're in those mediums, they actually have time to reply. If you write me a message on Facebook, I have minutes, sometimes even hours to think up a great response before I reply to you. And that means that generally I come across better in those messages than I do in person. Well, if we apply that logic to being in person, then let's give ourselves an extra one to two seconds to respond to someone before we feel the need to answer. When someone says something

to you, slow down, slow down your body, slow down you, even your mind. Don't try and race to find an answer. Let them talk. If there's a silence, so be it. It takes two people to have an awkward silence. If you're just sitting there, chill, it can't be awkward. You're just putting the ball in their court again. And they're the one who's having to fight to keep the conversation going. That's okay when you're nervous because all you're doing is taking a little power back and dictating the pace of the conversation. Don't talk slower, slow down, move slower and be unreactive. And of course, part of being unreactive is also not feeling the need to giggle at everything

they say, laugh at every joke, agree with everything they say. Part of being unreactive is when they say something that you don't agree with or when you want to tease them, you do it without fear of the consequences. When you can do that, someone will immediately see that you're in control and that you're not completely phased by how attracted you are to them. It keeps them guessing. That's it for today. Go speak to someone you find attractive.

If you're nervous, relax, slow everything down. You can still remain nervous inside, but on the outside, put everything in slow motion. I will see you soon, my friends. This is Love Life with me, Matthew Hussey. If you're not following me on Facebook yet, go to Coach Matthew Hussey, and I will see you there on Facebook. Take care. Thank you for listening to Love Life. I'll be back soon with another show packed with advice you can use right away. To make sure you don't miss a thing, go right now and click the subscribe button in iTunes and I'll deliver you a fresh new episode very soon. Talk to you soon.