Love Life with Matthew Hussey - If You Would Never Marry Him, Should You Date Him?

Episode Date: March 22, 2017

Today’s caller has a really interesting question: She knows for certain that she wants to marry a man who’s Jewish, but she just “accidentally” had a great date with a man who isn’t. What should she do? We all have our dating deal breakers, religion-based or not, so this is an issue most everyone can relate to. I break down this tricky situation and, together, we’ll weigh the pros and cons of enjoying the now vs. cutting things off quickly before anyone gets hurt. 

Hello everybody this is Matthew Hussey with Love Life. Do you know the number one most powerful technique you can use to get any man addicted to you and only you? Take a second to see if you can figure it out. Don't worry if you can't guess what it is. It's simple to use but it's also easy to overlook which is why most women will never use it. I'll tell you what this subtle trick is in just a moment. But first, let's get to the episode. Rachel, you are there. Yes, I am. I'm here.

Thank the Lord. I am so excited to have you on. I would love to know your question. Well, so I met a guy, and I met him randomly. And we went on a date, and it was fantastic. It was actually unexpectedly a really good date. And he's not Jewish. And at the end of the day, I know that I want to end up with someone that's Jewish. And I know religion can always be a touchy subject but I was having such a good time that I didn't want to ruin it with talking about that he did ask me if I would date

someone that wasn't Jewish and I said that I had but I didn't get into the you know the specifics of how at the end of the day I do want to end up with someone that's Jewish so the truth is this could be one date, it could be two or a month, I don't know. So I didn't want to just end it, you know? Okay. Just how certain are you that you must and will marry a Jewish man? Well, I'm a Jewish man, yes. So you know you're certain on that?

Yes, I am. I you're set on that i know yes i am i'm very certain on that okay so if you know you're certain on that what would be the purpose what would be the motivation right now of dating this gentleman who is not jewish just to have another experience and to you know to enjoy myself and I learn about myself even more. I don't know. I think that it's important to, you know, to put yourself out there and to date different people. I'm really glad to hear you say that.

Thank you. It certainly is going to equal a lot more pain for you. Yes. But I am glad to hear you say it. Rachel, this call became more interesting than I even thought. I think this is really tough because I actually agree with you. I'm all about experiences in life. But very often in life, when we decide to go for the experiences route, we come out with more bruises and more scars we come out a little more weathered and that's

okay but you have to be prepared for that because the reality is if you decide to carry on with a guy like this and and have fun um which you will of course in the short term you'll have an incredible time i'm sure and it will. And ironically and frustratingly, it will become even slightly more fun because you know that it's not going anywhere. You will also have the pain at the end of it because the reality is you may get a little too close for comfort with this guy see you may end up really liking this guy and it it's strange but because you think it's not going anywhere you'll allow yourself to be more vulnerable and you'll just you'll be so carefree that you'll end up really enjoying yourself and then you might get really close to him and then when might get really close to him. And then when you're really close to him, what is a superficial dilemma right now? In other words, right now, it feels like

the dilemma is, do I carry on dating this guy who I like? Or do I get rid of him now because I know I'm not going to end up with him? That's a far more superficial and lighthearted dilemma than the one that could happen three months from now or five months from now or a year from now where you say you're then calling me and saying matt i'm in love with this guy and it's now i'm going through this utter torment and heartache because i'm letting go of someone i love for this idea i have in my head of what I'm supposed to do. Um, that's a, that's a much tougher place to be. So, um, I can't possibly tell you that you shouldn't go for this guy as someone who also throws themselves into experiences and loves having them. Um, I can't

tell you that, but I can at least forewarn you that if you do get close to this guy which if you're having a good time will inevitably happen right you are potentially setting yourself up for much more pain down the line unless of course you you truly can just carefree in a detached way, have fun and sleep with this guy and get close to him and let go without any feeling at the end of it. But that's unbelievably uncommon amongst healthy minded people. Well, maybe I'm that rare one. But, you know, it was one date and I'll see where it goes. But like, at what point do I, you know, say that that's something that's important to me or do I just see how I feel? Well, the next time around, I would possibly say, if you know for certain, if you didn't tell me you knew for certain, I would tell you something

different. If you really know for certain the next time around, I would tell that guy at the point that you were talking about it. I would say, you know, I do honestly see myself marrying a Jewish guy. I do see myself long term being with someone who's Jewish. I think that's probably appropriate at that stage, rather than giving someone the idea that you might be changeable. Right. So for this time around, I would first find out what he's looking for. Okay.

And then if he says, well, yeah, I am looking for someone, and you can say, well, I only ask because the truth is I really enjoy your company and I'm having fun with you, but I also know that probably I will never be able to overcome my idea that I'm supposed to be with a Jewish man and I'm having fun with you right now, but it just, uh, you know, that, that kind of is something that is important to me long-term. He needs to manage his expectations with me.

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. That's fair to him. And, and if it were the other way around, any woman would say the same, that she would want to know that before she starts to invest her feelings and get too close to someone. At least then he can put you in a certain category so that both of you can say to each other, we're both just having fun without any false expectations. But if you're truly, you know, I'm always skeptical of, you know, I know I've been in many situations before where I've told myself I'm just having fun. And then once I'm in it, all of a sudden that shifts. So just be honest with yourself. I know that from where you're standing right now, it may feel like, oh, this is just fun.

It's not going anywhere. So I'm just going to have fun with it. That's fine. But just really be brutal with yourself and say, okay, but if I'm, if I'm honest, could there be a lot of pain down the line for me here? And if there is, and you still want to do it, do it, right? At least then you go in informed, but don't let it catch you off guard. Okay. Well, thank you very much for the advice. It was very good advice. All right. Take care. Bye. Now, on to the answer to the question that I asked you at the start of the show. What's the number one most powerful technique to get any man addicted to you?

Compliments. It sounds simple, and it is. A well-given compliment will make him melt in your hands, but the exact words you need to use are crucial and easy to mess up. That's why I've created a special guide for you where I give you my five most powerful compliments that you can give to any man to create a deeper connection. To download your five compliments guide, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash compliments.