Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Matt Monday): How to Know When to Leave a Relationship

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

What do you do when you love someone deeply, but something still feels off in the relationship? In this week’s episode, I sit down with TV and podcast host Kamie Crawford to tackle one of the hardest situations in love: how to walk away from a relationship that’s full of love but missing the compatibility needed to really thrive. We break down why love—while powerful—isn’t always enough to sustain a happy, fulfilling partnership. We also share the key questions you need to ask yourself when deciding whether to stay or go. Whether you’re questioning your current relationship or seeking guidance for the future, you can’t miss this conversation. --  ►►  Grab your in-person or virtual ticket to the Weekend Retreat: MHRetreat.com   ►► Join the Love Life Club: JoinLoveLife.com

You know, when you hear something like that, it's worth asking the question, what is it about the roses? And then saying, what does that speak to in what's missing from this relationship? We have some people who are trying to communicate with us about relationship advice that they so desperately need. Are you ready to dive in? I think so. Well, you just never know. You made it sound like it something terrible was about to happen. I never know. Who's going to burst through the door? I don't know what they're going to say. I don't know what's going on. I think I'm ready. Okay. All right. Someone asked, how do you leave a relationship you know is not right for you, even though there is a lot of love there? Well, I'm assuming this question is not being asked.

It sounds like this question is being asked in the context of a relationship that's not satisfying, as opposed to a relationship that is in some way making her suffer. So, or him, I don't know if this is from a guy or girl, but that situation where you say there's just a lot of love there, love isn't enough. love is not all you need what you need is compatibility and incompatibility shows up in a number of ways and I think you have to ask yourself regardless of how much I love this person or how much this person loves me are we compatible do we have the same vision for what we want to build can I build what I want to build with this person if things stayed the way they are today could I be happy if it just stayed the way it is today 10 years in 20 years am I happy or am I unhappy and those things probably aren't going to get better right that in many ways your resentment your frustration may get worse

yeah so I would ask myself what is it I need to be different in this relationship to feel like it's not just one where we love each other but it's fulfilling and then if I had any doubt, I'd say, let me try to create that with them. Let me enroll them in trying to create that with me. And let me see if, let me also see if there's a desire on their side to get there. Because that's the other thing. Sometimes you're with someone who you say, I'm not satisfied here, but you don't have someone who says, oh my God, if that's the case, let's figure this out. you have someone who's like indifferent to it right or they don't want to know or they want to sweep it under the rug and that's a problem because now you have a desire for it to get better and they don't

and you that's why I think one of the highest values in any relationship is teamwork because if we encounter something like this together we could share it with each other and we might have a real stab at the two of us fixing it together yeah but if one person is really motivated to do something and the other one isn't that's a whole different problem even if you're both motivated to fix it it doesn't mean it will get fixed yeah but at least you have a shot so find i mean i would just wonder from all of the people that you've talked to advised like do people really know when they say like i want i just want to be happy or i just want to feel fulfilled like what that even means how do you even pinpoint what would make you happy because

One person could say, well, it would make me happy if my husband came home every day with roses. Okay. Like, okay. But does that make you fulfilled? Like, what actually fulfills you in a relationship? How do you figure that out? Before we continue with the podcast, I want to tell you something. The times in my life where I have taken the most satisfaction from my work are the times where I have just finished a coaching call.

Either with someone who has invested in time with me or in some case. cases just with a friend or a family member who has called me for advice and I know I can feel it in my stomach that at the end of talking to them for an hour, they are going away feeling completely differently than when they started that call. And it has always been my dream to be able to do that for more people, but I've never been able to scale myself. I have been able to do that in the last two years through a brand new product called Matthew AI. this is my digital mind that you can speak to in real time you can hear my voice or if you prefer text you can text it but you can literally call me as if you were my best friend and you needed to ask

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coaching you around the clock for a whole month for little more than the price of a latte go check it out it's at ask mh.com i'm so proud of this thing it has helped so many people by now and you are missing out if you're not trying it i'll see you there that link again is ask mh dot com yeah and i think it's the what's behind the roses like what are the roses about because it's never about the roses right you could buy yourself roses why is it you want your husband to buy you roses like what's what's beneath that is it you want to feel seen and you don't feel seen right now is it that you don't feel thought about. You feel like they work all day and then they come home and they sit in front of the TV and there's no thought for you. There's no thought for your experience.

There's no thought for the relationship. Maybe what you want is in that person's busy, busy day where clearly their work is a major priority to them, which is fine. You also want to feel like the relationship is a priority for them. And the roses just for you would be a symbol of the relationship gets airtime gets bandwidth in your mind at the same time as these other things and that could be shown in a hundred different ways but so what is it you know when you hear something like that it's worth asking the question what is it about the roses and then saying what does that speak to in what's missing from this relationship you know if it's your partner is I don't know always late for every day or they you know they are constantly yeah they you know

they arrive on every day in a late and chaotic way and it just makes you stressed and you feel like it's you know it makes you unhappy ask yourself what is it about this that makes me unhappy well you know again it might feel like oh the date is always an afterthought or they they can't prioritize that moment that they spend with me, or they don't put nearly the forward planning into the vision for our relationship as they do into all of these other projects in their life. And it might be for some people

that lack of satisfaction is sexual or it's in the chemistry that they don't anymore feel in the relationship. And again, it's like, okay, so, and this depends how deep you are into the relationship, of course. But if you're in a relationship where there's a lot of love there, then it might be, worth you saying what's what is going on here like what is really happening is it that we've stopped

communicating about who we are and what we might enjoy or what would excite us like have I stopped telling you have you told me in however long like do we even know each other still in that department like or are we pretending we do but really we don't we're speaking different And if there's a lot of love there, then, you know, I'm, there's, there's a lot of love there means one of two things. It either means I'm just scared to give up this love because I don't think I'll ever find love again. Or it means there's something worth saving here because we have a deep love for each other and we truly see each other. And we've been through a lot together and so you have to ask yourself honestly what that's about yeah is it that you think there's

something truly valuable to hold on to that you'd be dishonoring it by just cutting and and going yeah or is it that you're just that's a euphemism for i'm not happy this isn't the right relationship for me but i'm afraid to leave someone who cares about me yeah i've been there too and it feels like it's like a a guilt like you're like this person hasn't done anything wrong they haven't done anything to me personally like they're a good person and i love them and they love me so like what's wrong with me why i can't just be happy with this person but like i don't feel like in relationships and in love and we're talking about like long-term love that we should just be happy with whatever it is that we're getting if it's not fulfilling and sometimes our guilt is a cover for our fear yeah guilt is an

easier place to go a more palatable place to go than the bigger disappointment of i haven't found the kind of relationship i really want and And I'm going back out there to be on my own again. And that scares the hell out of me. And it makes me worry that I'll never meet someone who's right for me. And therefore I'm terrified of leaving. It's harder to truly feel your disappointment than it is to say I feel really bad about hurting someone's feelings. Well, that's the funny part of when I went through that breakup, the first part was guilt.

And the second part was, holy shit, I haven't been single in however long. Like, what's going to, who else is out? Who else is out there? Like, who else is going to put up with me? Like, who's going to, who's going to, who am I going to even be interested in? Because like I said, I never get that, like, visceral reaction. I have friends who my sister, one of my sisters falls in love every weekend. She's always like, I fell in love last.

I'm in love. And then the next day, she's like, who? Like, who are you talking about? I don't even know who that person is. But I never get that feeling. So when you give something like that up, it can be very scary to think like, oh, I'm out here on my own.

And this is like a new frontier and who else is even going to be out here. But I think that the fear of not finding out scared me more than the fear of finding out. And so I was like, okay. i have to and also it's an unfair to the person when you're not when you're not fully invested well you only have to consider what it feels like i i know i've been on the receiving end of someone else who's not sure and there's a special kind of hell when you can sense that it's like someone's not quite there with you and they may not be saying it but you can feel it it's a deep deep feeling of insecurity that you have around that person it erodes your self-esteem

yeah and it makes you feel crazy yeah because you typically don't find out for sure that they've been having doubts about you until the day they break up with you yeah and then on the day they break up with you you you feel like what planet have i been living on that you've been i've been happy and you've been questioning this for so long so it's you know you have to also consider that when you're unsure there's a very good chance the person on the other side of that is experiencing that uncertainty but because you're not saying it they're internalizing it as some form of something's wrong with them why am I anxious why do I not feel good why do I not feel as loved as I'm loving this person so that's a you know we we do we do as quickly as we can make our mind up and i and i and i

have no righteousness about this because my god the number of times in my life i took too long to make my mind up those are regrets i have hurting people but we do you know any anyone who feels guilt and wants to take that at face value should say to themselves if if i we're on the receiving end of uncertainty, it would be a very painful thing for me to experience. And you're giving them the real shot of finding what they deserve, which is someone who's actually sure about them. What we have to live with is that they might find someone who's sure about them. And we're the ones who now are trying to, we're the ones who are alone, not them, which is, you know, often happens. We leave because we're not sure. And then,

you know, we, they go on to find someone. else because we've made space for them to do that and we're and we're now going out into the world alone and and trying to find love and I know I used to have this feeling anytime I would leave something that didn't feel right I I would have this sense that I was going to be punished for it somehow I would have this sense that I'm this is there is some kind of punishment for me letting go of someone who loves me so much who and I'm not happy this somehow this is not going to end well for me yeah um but i i think there's no easy answers to these things but i know that my wife today there is a kind of bond

there and uh in in some really fundamental ways that are important to me and so happy that i made space for that to happen yeah because i really would have missed out on the greatest experience i've ever had of a relationship i would have robbed myself of that and i think that hopefully we get to a point in life where we start realizing some of the things that we've been chasing that aren't important and we start realizing some of the things that are really really to us. Like I know my, my connection, my intellectual connection with my partner where we could talk about anything and, you know, laugh about things together. And we can just talk. We can talk. And she's just, it's always interesting. And she's always, whatever it is I'm doing, she's quick on

the uptake. And vice versa. There's that to me is. like become one of the things that's most sacred to me. I could I you know it doesn't matter what level of you know attractiveness anyone in the world was if I didn't have that I would have it would have been a really lonely experience for me yeah being in a relationship and I think when you know that you realize like oh this is this has to be prioritized as one of the most important things in the world but what's hard is sometimes I think we're following our ego. without realizing it. We're not following what will make us happy.

We're following what will satisfy our ego. And that's what a lot of people do. They find someone who's like, looks the part. Yeah. Has a certain amount of cachet or success or status or something. There's some, or it's super charismatic or there's something about them, the way they are in a room, the way they are with other people. And our ego says, hold on to this person.

Yeah. They're popular. They're cool. They're sexy. It's bullshit, guys. And it and it, but it's bullshit. It's ego taking the wheel. And at some point we have to go, what's going to drive for me? Is it my ego or is it my soul? Is it what makes me happy? You know, this person might not be, like, there might be people you've brought home in the past who, you know, your friends are all like, I mean, this person's so hot, good for you. Like, and that feels really good. And it makes you feel like you should hold on to that person. Yeah. But the person that you bring home and the first time everyone's like, they're really,

they seem like a really nice person. Like that might not satisfy your ego as much. Yeah. Right? Like, he treats you really well. I remember when I brought home someone and you said they were gorgeous. Yeah. Oh my God.

You know, like you were swooning. Yeah. But that person maybe turned out to be the most hellish relationship of your life. Right. And meanwhile, you've got someone that. you know everyone doesn't swoon the moment they walk into a room but but guess what they make you happy you feel good around them you feel like I think this is always an important question who when I'm around them do I feel more of myself that's the most important thing that's the most important thing

I remember when my now boyfriend and I got together and I was describing him to my sisters I was like, I just feel like I can be who I am when I'm with y'all with him. That's a huge sign. Like, I can be my weirdest, most creepy, whatever. Like, my sisters and I are, we're weird. Like, we're fucking weird. There's six of us. Like, we're crazy, kooky, screaming, singing weirdos.

And I can be that with my boyfriend. And he joins in. And then when they met him, they were just like, he just fits. like he's just like it's like he's always been here and that that to me said a lot because I've always felt like in relationships I've had to hide or dumb down certain things or you know like just be a version of myself that I thought somebody else would like and that's not sustainable that's not sustainable and that's not that's not really what love is about especially not like when we talk about unconditional love or like love that can you know

withstand the test of time like that's that's it's something different well we want to be seen yeah that's the that's the i think one of the most important things is we want to feel seen by someone and that means that's incumbent on us to share things because that's how we get seen yeah is to actually share parts of ourselves but then when we feel acknowledged for those parts and we feel like the person opposite us understands those parts of us or learns to understand those parts of us and accepts them, that's like, I mean, that truly is the greatest feeling on earth. Yeah.

It's the feeling I'm most grateful for, honestly. Leave me a comment on this video before you go. I love hearing from you. And by the way, if you're watching this and you really want to find love and you see other people around you pairing off and finding what you've been looking for for a long time and you're feeling like, when's it going to be my turn? How might I be getting in my own way?

Is there something I'm doing to sabotage my chances in this area? How can I finally find what I'm looking for? I am going to be helping people uncover their deeper patterns, understand their blind spots, and find what they're looking for this October at my retreat. If you haven't got a ticket yet, you can get your tickets at mhretreat.com. And don't worry if you can't make it to be there in purpose. and in Miami with us, there is a virtual ticket that means you can participate in this event

and get the content from it from wherever you are in the world. Go check it out at mhretreat.com, grab your tickets and I can't wait to see those of you who are coming. Thank you.