Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Matt Monday): How to Tell If a Guy Is Love Bombing You (3 Ways to Find Out)

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

Protect your time, energy & your heart... Reserve Your Space for FREE for My Live Training Here → http://www.DatingWithResults.com --- I’ve heard this story so many times before . . . You go on a date with a guy and instantly, you feel a strong connection. What was supposed to just be drinks turns into dinner, which turns into a 12-hour affair. When you do eventually part ways, you look down at your phone and find a message sitting in your inbox saying, “Can I see you tomorrow?” You feel amazing. Over the next few weeks, it’s a whirlwind. He wants to spend every waking minute together, he’s outspoken about his feelings for you, and upon waking, you always have a “Good morning, gorgeous!” text waiting for you. He may even go so far as to introduce you to his friends and family. . . or say those three little words that so many others have struggled to say to you in the past . . . It’s intense and fast, but it feels so good that you just let the romance sweep you off your feet. Overnight, your life has turned into one of those romantic movie montages that show the highlight reel of a perfect relationship, except instead of the montage spanning a year or two, it’s hitting those milestones after a few weeks. And then, of course, it happens . . . something feels wrong, the communication slows down, he starts to pull away, and before you know it, he vanishes completely. You’re left dazed, shellshocked, and wounded—fully relating to the term “love bombing” and wondering if any of it was even real. If this sounds familiar, then this episode is for you as I share 3 tests that will help you spot a love bomber. --- Email us! You can get in touch with the show and give your feedback/thoughts at [e-mail]      

What's up guys? I just wanted to let you know I have a free guide for you over at 9texts.com. In this free guide, I give you nine very specific messages that you can send to anybody you want to attract to create more attraction. Go check it out. 9texts.com is completely free and you can be reading them in the next 60 seconds. How do you spot a love bomber? Is the person you're seeing right now love bombing you or are they just some sort of wonderful romantic that you should be throwing yourself into the arms of and enjoying all of the beautiful feelings that are being created. Well, let's perhaps first define a love bomber. A love bomber is a sort of love vampire. They know that love is both the objective and the weapon. The objective because love is that feeling they're trying to get and

it could be different forms of love. It could be making love, it could be sex, or it could be the giddy feelings that they really enjoy in the early stages of a relationship, treating you like you're some sort of fresh canister of love to be used up like an aerosol. And then when you're running empty, they move on to the next person and get the giddy feeling all over again. They use love as a weapon because the way that they create those giddy feelings is to give them to you, is to give a huge amount of energy and investment early on to tell you very grandiose, dramatic things about how wonderful you are, about how strong their feelings are. They do things that aren't earned at the level of relationship you're at with them, all in pursuit of a stage of connection that is not organic to where you are right now. It's kind of a hack, isn't it? If I can get you to fall in love really quickly, if I can get you to feelings of love really quickly, then you'll start doing for me the

kinds of things that you wouldn't normally do this early in the game, which might mean more attention, more sex, more investment, or just a portrait of myself that feeds that feeling I want to get about how wonderful I am. If I can make you fall in love really quickly, then I get to feel awesome. I get to prove yet again that another person has fallen for me this hard, which is especially desirable in people who don't feel enough themselves. If they can make you fall in love, then it's the latest representation, the latest evidence for the fact that I am enough. The problem, of course, with someone like this is because they don't feel

enough, because they are in pursuit of something that can never be achieved that way, it's never enough. So your love is never enough. They will keep searching for it and searching for it and searching for it. Even if you give it to them, they still won't feel good enough. They still won't feel whole. So they start looking for it elsewhere and the cycle continues. This is a very dangerous person to be around. Not every love bomber is incredibly conscious about the fact that they're doing it. I would actually argue that in the real world, it's not filled with these malicious love bombers i would say that in real life there are lots of people who don't realize that this is their pattern of behavior i think that a lot of people use someone up and then move on to the next person because

they don't feel satisfied at the end of it and they think that what they're looking for must be available in the form of a different person so they keep doing the same thing over and over again hurting people deeply breaking people's hearts and not being able to fix the pattern of behavior in themselves in the process but this video isn't about empathizing with that kind of person, who I do still believe deserves empathy. It's about protecting you from that kind of energy that can not only waste incredible amounts of your energy and time, but can leave real wounds that you then have to heal from. I wanted to give you three tests in this video that will allow you to know if the person you're seeing right now is a love bomber or someone who can make you happy. Test number one, is the level of attention

you're getting from this person or the words they're saying organic to where you're actually at with this person? If you go on a date with someone and all of a sudden they're writing you poetry and saying these very grandiose things, if they're going well out of their way for you in ways that feel like, my God, why are they doing all of this? You know, or they say things about their feelings for you or about how incredible you are when you know you don't even know me that well. I can't possibly feel accepted and loved by you when you only know a tiny slither of who I am. If that's the case, then we have to have our wits about us because what we're receiving from someone is not based on us. It's based on a projection of who someone thinks we are or of who they've decided we are

so that they can feel a certain way. It doesn't mean we're not wonderful. It just means at this stage, how they feel or how they're saying they feel can't possibly be personal on the deepest level because they don't know us on the deepest level. The danger with a projection like this is we're not safe. Their feelings aren't based on a real connection. It's based on something they want to feel. And it won't be until they actually get to know us

that we'll know whether that feeling is sustainable or not. Now look, is it true that some people are just romantics? Some people just, you know, they're more flowery in their language. They feel intensely and they want to express it. Sure. And that doesn't always come with bad intentions. It's also true, by the way, that some people are insecure and they want to go out of their way to make you happy or to please you because they want you to like them. While what you're experiencing from them might be an indicator of how they're feeling right now, it's not a good predictor of whether that feeling is going to last once they actually get to know you. What this point proves, if anything, is that when someone moves at an inorganic pace, it doesn't necessarily mean they're a love

bomber, but there is a way if you're starting to feel uneasy about the pace of things that you can confirm whether they're a love bomber. And that is with test number two. Do they react badly when you try to slow it down? If you feel the pace is too fast for you and you say that to them, hey, I like you, I'm having a great time, but I feel like this is a little fast for me, or I want to get to know you a little better before that, or before we take a trip together, or before we do some of the things you're suggesting, or I don't have every night this week to see you. I'm going to see my friends, I have other things I'm going to do this week, but I'd love to see you. I'm going to see my friends. I have other things I'm going to do this week, but I'd love to see you on Saturday. If you say those things,

how do they react? Do they get angry? Bad sign. Are they frustrated? Bad sign. Or do they just not listen? Do they say, yeah, yeah, yeah, we can go slower. That's no problem. But you know, I really, really want to see you. Why don't we go to Italy this weekend? In which case, you know, they're not listening at all. Now, the reason they're getting angry or frustrated or not listening is because they want a feeling. That's what they're in the market for. They're not in the market for a real relationship, which is built on listening to someone, which

is built on an organic progression of getting to know each other better. They are in it for the feeling. They're like a junkie wanting their fix. Don't get in the way of my fix. And if you do, you're going to be the target of my frustration and my anger. Test number three, they don't apply the basic rule of invest in who invests in you. Now, let me explain this. I have said for years to people, if you want to protect yourself in love, don't invest in someone based on how much you like them. Invest in a person based on how much they invest in you. Investing in someone based on how much you like them is a recipe for masochism. When someone is investing in you and you not investing on that same level doesn't make them say, you know what, I'm going to settle down a bit because I'm probably

coming in a little hot for them. I'm going to meet them where they are. If it doesn't make them do that, if they continue with their love offensive of bombarding you with all of their grandiosity and their big words and their big gestures, in spite of the fact that you're not giving the same to them, then it's not the result of a genuine mutual connection. It's them trying to get something. Think about it. When a guy approaches a woman cold in a bar, in a coffee shop, in any part of life, for most men, that's a little scary. It's not the easiest thing in the world. It's actually a very normal, natural thing for a guy to feel some fear about approaching someone because he doesn't want to

get rejected. The kind of guy that goes through life brazenly, approaching everyone with zero fear, it could be seen as ultimate confidence or it could be seen as a sign of something else, a kind of level of detachment, an ability to just see someone as a target. And it's just about the result, but I don't even care if I get rejected because I'm not even connected to it in that way and ladies you can tell me in the comments if this bears out for you when you look at your history and guys that have been that way did it turn out to be a bit of a red flag that they had absolutely zero fear in the beginning about talking to you that they didn't take no for an answer? Did that turn out to be something to worry about? My guess is in several situations in your life,

it did. Well, you can think about the love bomber in the same way. A healthy relationship is one where someone tries and the other person tries and they go, oh, that was nice. That's been rewarded. This person feels the same way. I'm going to keep trying. If you're in a situation where someone goes, I'm going to do all of this for you. And then you go, hmm, if they then keep going, I'm going to keep doing all of this for you. That's not a sign of a real or a healthy connection. And if they're not even, if they don't even feel rejected by you not giving as much, then they don't have that normal kind of skin in the game. What they're trying to do is just bombard you, bombard you, bombard you, bombard you. And if they don't get what they want from you, they'll simply go and get it from the next person.

Now, if you want to avoid all of this nonsense this year, if you would like nothing more than just to find a healthy relationship with an amazing human being, I have just the thing for you. It's a 90-minute free training that I'm hosting on the 19th of April called Dating With Results, which gives you a roadmap for finding a real relationship and avoiding the casual trap, the game playing and all of the toxicity that we so often find in the wild west of dating today. I wanna invite you to join me.

It's gonna be a lot of fun. We've had 20,000 people take this live training already. And this, if you've missed the first two times, is your chance to experience it. Go to datingwithresults.com to reserve your spot. Again, it's totally free. So what do you have to lose? Before you go, don't forget to like the video, subscribe to the channel and hit the notification bell so that you don't ever miss a video. Hey guys, Matthew here. I hope you enjoyed the episode. Listen, we're really putting a lot of effort into building this podcast right now so it can help more people. One of the things

that you can do that would really help us do that is leave us a review and tell the rest of the world what you think of this podcast. Please go over to iTunes and leave us a review. I am reading all of them and some of them will even air on the wife. Shorty got a new boo. Yeah, love beautiful. I'm looking for love.