Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Matt Monday): The #1 Thing Men Say to Avoid Commitment

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

In the early days of dating, figuring out if someone is actually open to a relationship is key. But what does it mean when you ask them whether they're interested in a committed relationship and they respond, "I could be open to that. . . with the right person"? This sentence can make us feel safe to dive in, but do we really know whether they're truly looking for a relationship. . . or just telling us what we want to hear? In today's episode, I give you three things to look for in those early days to limit the guesswork and know if things are actually progressing toward real commitment. --- FREE download: "9 Texts No Man Can Resist" >> http://www.9texts.com FREE download: "5 Compliments to Get Him Addicted to You" >> http://www.SayThisToHim.com

If we're excited about them, we're looking for excuses to see them. So when they say, yeah, you know, it's possible, we go, it's possible. Now I can go and have sex with them. There's a line that men use in early dating that is a little bit swindly. This is a word that me and Audrey coined from the show, tinder swindler to swindly to Do something that is not in the other person's interest for your own ends i.e. Don't you fucking swindly me? Now one of the ways that a guy might try to swindly you in the beginning of Dating is when you try to bring up the idea of relationships. You say to them, what do you think about relationships? And they say,

I could be open to a relationship with the right person. Now, some people may be saying this sincerely. I could imagine someone saying, yeah, I'm open to a relationship with the right person. Or I could imagine the swindly who says, I could be, I could be open to a relationship with the right person. I could be an astronaut. I could be a pillow. I could be a Pokemon.

I could be anything, you see. I could be a dancer. When that person anything, you see? I could be a dancer. When that person says it, it's exploiting a loophole that says, yeah, there's a possibility. Now let's not talk about it anymore. And with that person, you can find yourself going down the path of dating them. Also, it's not just that they placated you by saying that,

it's that in the back of your mind, it's a way of pushing off any difficult conversations yourself. Because if you really wanna, we're a biased judge, aren't we? If we really wanna see someone, if we have a lot of chemistry with someone, if we're excited about them, we're looking for excuses to see them.

So when they say, yeah, you know, it's possible, we go, it's possible. Now I can go and have sex see them. So when they say, yeah, you know, it's possible, we go, it's possible. Now I can go and have sex with them. So I want you to be very careful. It's okay to continue to see a person like this, but don't let the blind hope of something they said early on stop you from measuring the actual progress

or lack of progress that you're seeing in those first couple of months. Progress means there's more consistent communication as time goes on. More frequent, there's more of it. You feel like you're getting closer. You feel like you're getting more comfortable with each other.

You feel like you're being more vulnerable with each other. You're letting them in, more comfortable with each other. You feel like you're being more vulnerable with each other. You're letting them in. They're letting you in. Progress looks like him actually inviting you into his world, into what I think of as the constants in his life. When someone is trying to keep you at arm's length, often they won't bring you around the constants in their life. The things that it would be more difficult to extricate you from if it was to end tomorrow.

So it could be stuff that's to do with their work, it could be stuff that's to do with their friendships or their family. They won't bring you into that inner circle because it makes for an easier exit the moment they don't wanna put in any more effort, the moment they don't wanna see you again. It works for them to be able to pick you up and put you down at their leisure. And the third way that you can measure progress is

whether you've actually been able to have a conversation about not seeing other people, exclusivity. Are we temporarily cutting off our other options in order to focus on each other, to see what this might become. And if you're not feeling any of those three things, then there's likely not much progress in the relationship. It's probably a situation where this person calls you when they want to see you, and then is off living their life the rest of the time until they need their next hit. At that point, you've got to be able to say to them, hey, I am really enjoying spending time with you when we spend time together. And I know that for me, I'm looking for a relationship with the right person. And I know

you said you were open to a relationship with the right person, but I don't feel that there's any progress between us. And so it leaves me wondering whether anything has actually shifted for you in the sense of seeing what this can be together or whether nothing's changed, that tells that person exactly where you stand. Because you can literally say to them, it makes me wary of giving any more to this situation. You can spell that out for someone. You know, the reason I'm bringing this up is because I really enjoy seeing you, but I'm wary of investing more in time and energy seeing you when I don't necessarily feel like anything has shifted from your side since that original conversation. And feel free to tell me if I'm wrong.

We have to be willing to have that difficult conversation. Remember, if you're looking for a great relationship with the right person, the right person to you is not just someone you are charmed by, it's not just someone that you think highly of, it's someone who's ready. The right person is both right and ready. And if they're not ready, they can't be right. And someone demonstrates their readiness by actual progression that is seen through their actions,

by the ways they invest in moving things forward with you. If you do not see that, don't allow the hope that arose, that originated from this person at one point saying to you they might one day be open to a relationship with the right person to blind you from the facts. Now, if you like this advice and you want more of it, I have a tool at yourdatingsolution.com.

You can tell it your challenge and it will recommend you my best solution that suits your needs from the last 15 years of doing this. So check it out. It's at yourdatingsolution.com and I will see you over there. Bye.