Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Men Live for the “Maybe”

Episode Date: March 24, 2017

Ok… let’s answer this age-old question once and for all: Do men prefer women who are “hard to get,” or do they just want a woman who will take control and be the aggressor? The answer is – drumroll please – NEITHER! In this episode, I explain what “Men live for the ‘Maybe’” means, and tell you how you can attract the guy you’re interested in and challenge him to pursue you. In other words, you get to do the choosing, while he does the chasing. Hey, looks like the answer to that age-old question isn’t “neither,” but “BOTH,” after all. ;)

Welcome to Love Life, I'm Matthew Hussey. Now do you ever feel like you're stuck in a rut? We all do from time to time. The problem is just going through the motions cuts off our ability to grow and increase our happiness in life. Now what would happen if you actually began living each and every day with purpose? Let me tell you, it is possible to transform your life from ordinary to extraordinary. And it doesn't have to take months or years, but just a matter of days. Stick with me till the end of the show and I'll tell you exactly how to do it. We have a caller on the line today. Janae, are you there? Yes. Hi.

Hi. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm fantastic. I'm excited about your question. So my question is, how direct men, how direct do men like women to be? Well, there are, firstly, men are praying secretly that women will be slightly more direct because it would make life a whole lot easier for us. We spend so many of our evenings going out and looking across the room and wondering whether someone is interested in us. And we also know that we're expected to do something. We know that conditioning says it's our job to go and take that risk. But we'd love if you made that risk a little easier for us. It's not that we want you to suddenly shoulder all of the risk.

It's not that we want you to suddenly begin chasing us. We just would love for you to make that risk a little easier to take for us. Does that make sense? Yeah. If you look over and you're at the bar and you just even look at a guy and you say hi, and then you keep ordering your drink, you've made it just that bit easier for me to now take a risk. If I wanted to talk to you anyway, if I wanted to have a conversation with you,

you just saying hi to me, even if you then proceeded with your business, it allows me that moment to say, ah, I might not be so far off track in talking to this woman. There just might be something here. At the very least, this woman is friendly enough for me to approach her and not get my head bitten off. So in that moment, you wouldn't say saying hi to a guy and then turning away or continuing to order your drink is direct, would you? Not really. It's not walking up to a guy and saying, Hi, you happen to be the most attractive man in the bar.

Yeah, that's true. We should definitely talk for the next two hours. No, you're just saying hello and then you're carrying on, but you're giving him a license. You're just making it that bit easier for him to do what he already perceives to be his job. That's the thing that people aren't doing. So when I talk about directness in the initial approach, I sometimes mean just giving him that little bit of hope. Men live for the maybe. They don't live for the no, they live for the maybe. And when you say hi to a guy and then you carry on, you're giving him the maybe. If you talk to me, maybe it will work out. And he's definitely, he's much more

likely to go for the maybe than he is to go for the person who looks like they're going to be a definite no, or looks more likely, uh, like they're going to say no. So, so you're giving, you're constantly giving a guy the maybe. And that's what, if I could sum it up for you as a woman, it would be, be direct enough to close some of the gap between you and him. So that although he's still doing the work, he doesn't have quite so much work to do. And certainly not so much work that it becomes a daunting task that he never embarks on in the first place does that make sense yeah it does what if you kind of were just i find you very sexy and i find you interesting i want to say hi and then you just walk away. I, you could say, okay, let me try rephrasing it for you. Okay.

You could say to a guy, you look like you'd be interesting or you look like you're worth meeting. Now, saying these things still issues him an indirect challenge, doesn't it? Because you're still saying to him, I don't know if you're charming. I don't know if you're interesting. I don't know if you're worth meeting, but you look like you might be. And then you're allowing him to speak or perhaps I wouldn't, that would be a strange one to suddenly walk away on.

So I wouldn't walk away on that. It's certainly more direct than what I was giving you, but it can work. I've seen this work. You could stand there and say that, but I would say that if you were in the area, if you were in close proximity to him anyway, you, and I would say it perhaps playfully, I could use this on a woman in a bar. I could be standing next to someone and let's not keep saying a bar because the reality is you could say this anywhere, but I could be standing next to a woman and say, you look like you're a fun person to say hi to. And the chances are this woman will smile and be warm because I've given her that identity of being a fun person to say hi to. Um, but I wouldn't,

as a woman, I wouldn't recommend not that you, cause you can make anything work is the reality in life, but I wouldn't recommend going up to a guy and saying, you look sexy because you want to ease into creating that kind of tension. You might give him a look that says that that's a different thing. You might even say to a guy, I love your jacket. Those look really hot on guys. But what you're doing there, if you notice, is rather than saying to him, you look hot,

you're saying those jackets look hot on guys. And the message you're sub-communicating is, therefore, I find you hot right now. But you're not saying it. So can you see how there's a delicate balance between being direct with someone in a way that creates tension

and still issues him a challenge to come for you and being so direct that he feels like there is no challenge. Yeah, okay. I see. Perfect. Well, Janae, thank you so much and good luck out there. Enjoy yourself.

Oh, thank you. Have a great day. All right. You too, Janae. So earlier we were talking about being stuck in a rut. If you want to discover the secret to living a life of purpose and experiencing a level of joy that most people don't even dare to dream about i have an invitation for you i want you to apply for my matthew hussey retreat now i say apply because this is an exclusive program there are a limited number of spots and I handpick the women who I think are ready for this radical transformation. I can promise you this. If you are accepted, I'll take you by the hand

and lead you through a life-changing experience that will give you every tool you need to quickly achieve the things that you want most in life. To claim your spot for a phone interview with one of my expert mentors, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash retreat.