Love Life with Matthew Hussey - My #1 Tip to Take Control of a Tense Situation

Episode Date: February 17, 2017

I’m never too proud to use a personal anecdote to illustrate my point, even when the experience was a near-disaster. So, if for no other reason than you’re curious to hear the story of my failed TV show and the moment that a nasty contestant tried to tear my credibility to shreds in front of a live studio audience, you should check out this episode. But you should stay for my advice, because I’m going to use my own example to show you how to step into your personal power and control any tense situation without taking on anyone else’s negative energy. It’s my ultimate secret to having impact, and I’m sharing it with you today.  

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. I am super excited about today's show because we have a great topic to discuss. But first, I have a question for you. If I told you there were five things you could say to get a man positively addicted to you, would you try them? If the answer is yes,

then be sure to listen until the end of today's show because I'm going to tell you how you can get your hands on those five magic phrases. Now let's get to the episode. I'm going to reveal something that happened to me a little while back when I first got to LA. I got brought to LA for a TV show called Ready for Love, which if you don't know, the story of that show was a terrible, miserable failure. But there were some interesting things that the show taught me and being part of the show was a very interesting experience. difficult or could have been difficult and could have been disastrous for my credibility if it was handled wrongly. And I'm going to take you through this step by step because I think there are things that we can all learn from this in our own lives. Essentially, there was a woman on the show called

Taryn. And I was on stage during the live show. There was a big stage element to the show with a live audience. And the women were on stage and we were critiquing them on the dates and talking about what they did right and wrong and i was speaking to uh taran who i didn't have much love for i think it's safe to say and thought she wouldn't go well with the guy and also that there was a whole more negative side of her that we weren't seeing right now because she was playing it very well. She was playing a very kind, positive person, but actually underneath it all, there was quite a nasty person, I felt.

And so I went on this slight rant about what I think was the problem and why they didn't go well together. She didn't take this very well and I think probably had been building up for a few weeks because I hadn't shown too much love towards her since the beginning. And she proceeded to try and eviscerate me in front of the entire audience on TV.

She said, I'm sorry, how old are you, Matt? You're what, like this self-professed guru? I mean, are you even in love? What do you know about any of this stuff? I mean, most people in your profession have actually lived a little and know something. And she went on and on and on. Now, the first thing I didn't do was interrupt. Had I jumped in mid-sentence and interrupted, it may have looked like I was trying to cut her off and not allow her to make her point. That may have made me look weak. It might have made me look like I was scared about what she was going to say and that there might actually be some validity to it. Instead, I just sat back and watched. And I was able to ride it out and I let her talk and talk and talk until she was completely finished. Now it's time for

me to say something. Now here's what I also didn't do. I also didn't rush into defending myself against each one of these points. Because the danger, of course, of trying to prove yourself to someone is that you look now like they own you. I said, Taryn. And then I paused. Which again, by the way, all of this is, one thing I should say is all of this is buying me time right because if i can let her talk herself out she's likely to trip herself up on her own

logic she's likely to say something too emotional and show herself to be the one who is being unreasonable most people if you give themselves enough rope will hang themselves so i gave her enough rope to hang herself but at the same time while, while she's doing that, I'm thinking about what I'm going to say next. And always remember this in an argument. Allow someone to talk. Allow someone to take the stage for a little while. Because all it's doing is giving you time to think. Why do you think people are so much more witty and clever in text messages? Because they have time to think. They take a moment. So I said, Taryn, and I paused. And then I said, thank you for proving my point. Of course, my point all along had been that she was difficult, that she had a nasty side and that no one was seeing it. Of course, in the last three minutes of the tirade, we had just seen a nasty side. That then allowed me to win back the audience

because the audience are looking at it saying, he didn't try and prove himself. He didn't try and get in the mud and fight that out. He just calmly said, thank you for proving my point. This is what I've been trying to tell everyone all along. And rather than now focusing on everything that she just said, we're now focused back onto this person. One of the key ingredients for dealing with conflict is to not be drawn in on an emotional level, to allow yourself to remain separate and logical. And whilst, by the way, when she came at me like that, what do you think the audience was doing? What do you think the rest of the women on the stage were doing? All of them were chanting in a Jerry Springer-like fashion, waiting for me to

erupt. Now, if you take on the energy, you're screwed. If you can keep a cool head and ignore the emotions of everyone else and stay independent in your own state, you'll be able to control the situation. That's it for today, my friends. I actually have some videos of this lately in my YouTube channel. I've been making a couple of videos related to your personal impact and influence with others. People have been really enjoying them of videos related to your personal impact and influence with others. People have been really enjoying them. So if you want to see them, go to my YouTube channel. If you just type in Matthew Hussey in YouTube, it will be the first channel that comes up. You'll see me check them out. I think you'll really love them and get a kick out of a different

type of learning than just your love life. Thank you, my friends. I will see you soon. Well, I made you a promise at the top of the show that I would reveal five things you could say to get a man addicted to you, and it's time to deliver. These are actually five compliments, and I've put them together in a free guide that you can go download right now. To get your free guide, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash compliments.