Love Life with Matthew Hussey - My “Rule of Thirds” Formula for Dating Success

Episode Date: July 11, 2016

Is there anything worse than going to dinner on a first date and realizing that you’re not a match before your appetizer even hits the table? Now you have to sit through another two courses, make excruciating small talk, AND do the “I’ve got this,” “No, really, I’ve got it” dance around the check before you can make your escape. Do yourself a favor and listen to today’s episode, because I’m going to share with you my “Rule of Thirds” Formula that guarantees you’ll invest exactly the right amount of time in someone you date (that way you can cut your losses quickly OR if you really hit it off, you can keep on going all night!). 

Hi, I'm Matthew Hussey. Welcome to Love Life. It's a privilege to be able to offer you bite-sized bits of advice on this podcast that you can use every day. But what if you're ready for a big transformation and you want to do it now? You want to reinvent your career or finally find lasting love or break free from the self-doubt that's holding you back from living the abundant life you were meant to live. If you're saying, yes, Matt, that's me, I'm going to tell you exactly how to do just that at the end of today's show. So make sure you stay tuned. First, let's get to today's episode. I have a fun little concept for you today. It's going to be quick, but it's important, and it's something that's essential for your dates. See, a lot of things that go wrong with dating relate to the

way that people organize their dates. When they go out, they spend a lot of time in a restaurant or somewhere pretty awkward for a long period of time. And they don't actually set themselves up to win. They set themselves up for a very awkward, stressful date that they cannot escape from. I mean, that, if you think about it, is the problem with going to dinner for a date is if you're having a bad time and you just ordered your main course, that's a problem because you know you're now going to be there for another 45 minutes minimum with no ability to escape until the check arrives. And that's without dessert. So don't set yourself up for dates that are hard to escape from. And it's not just about the negative of how do I get away, but it's also

about the positive. How do I create a date that eases into it and makes me look like I'm high value, gives us lots of opportunity for spontaneous fun and doesn't feel like this weird ordeal, this thing, this process we have to go through. Because that's what dating feels like for far too many people. It's this process and it gets really, I almost think you've lost the battle the moment you call it a date. Because the best ones are the ones where you don't think of it as a date. You're just hanging out with someone you really enjoy. And during the course of hanging out, you end up kissing or having something romantic. And then it feels real and spontaneous. It doesn't feel like a date. Dates create pressure. So what's my rule for this? I want to

introduce the rule of thirds on a date. Imagine your date as three unique compartments. And how you arrange those compartments will either create awkwardness or fun. Let me give you an example. Let's say that you arrange the first third of your date in a bar where you're just going to have a drink. The same logic could work sitting in a park, just talking. But the first third is very important. Now, I'm in favor of having the first third operate on its own at the beginning of the date, as opposed to if you think of a typical dinner date, you're either doing all three thirds in one go at the dinner table,

or what a lot of people do is they do two thirds at dinner, and then if they're having a good time, they do the final third, having a drink somewhere else. To me, that front loads all of the pressure. I prefer to do it the opposite way around. So you have a drink first somewhere, and maybe you don't even plan the rest of the day. You just say, let's go grab a drink somewhere. And let's say, for example, you know that there's a bowling alley nearby where you're going to have a drink. You assess whether you're having a good time, whether it's going well. At the end of that drink, you say to him spontaneously, let's go do something fun. You know what? There's bowling nearby here. Let's go bowl. I'm going to kick your ass. I guarantee you, you aren't the bowler that I am. Now you have this fun, spontaneous moment where you can go bowling together. Now bowling isn't a quick

activity. That's going to be a two thirds part of the date because probably you're going to be there for an hour or more. So now you're going to the part that's two thirds because you already know you're having a good time with the guy and you can go there and spend time with him there. Arranging that as the start of the date would create awkwardness, but flowing into it from a fun first third of the date is going to be something that feels spontaneous. And of course, it also sends the message to the guy that you're not the type to arrange an entire evening out with someone that you barely know. But what you will do is be flexible and spontaneous enough to spend more time with him if it's going

well. So now he really feels like he earned it. When he goes bowling with you, he feels like he's actually earned that part of the date because the first part of the date went well and you weren't even planning on the other two thirds. So he doesn't need to know that there's three thirds in your head. He just knows that he's come to meet you for 30 minutes or an hour to see what's going on and have fun. So the rule of thirds, you don't always have to do three different venues. And of course, you could do all three of them in one place. But wherever you can, have one third to begin with somewhere that is easy to escape from or continue after if it's going well and then have the second two thirds after that so that you backload the pressure to a point where you already know you're having a

good time. That's it. I will speak to you soon. Follow me on Facebook. Coach Matthew Hussey is my name on Facebook. Follow me there and I will speak to you in the next episode. Now, if you said earlier, yes, Matt, I'm ready for a big life transformation now, then I want to invite you to apply for my retreat program. Now, spots are limited, but if you're accepted onto the program, I'll lead you through a series of powerful coaching sessions and enlightening exercises that will remove every barrier standing in between you and the extraordinary life you deserve. You'll walk away with a practical set of tools

to achieve the career, love, balance, and fulfillment you've always wanted. To claim your spot for a phone interview with one of my expert mentors, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash retreat. Take care and I'll speak to you soon.