Love Life with Matthew Hussey - One Crucial Conversation Skill Most People Don’t Use

Episode Date: September 14, 2016

What makes a great conversationalist? Sure, being knowledgeable about a lot of topics and sharing about them in an interesting way is a great start. But there is one crucial conversation skill that most people don’t use. The funny thing is, this skill is so simple to implement; it actually takes the pressure off of you, helps you to grow, and makes the person you’re speaking with feel amazing about themselves around you. You don’t want to miss this quick but useful tip in today’s LOVE Life.

This is Love Life and I'm your host, Matthew Hussey. It's so exciting to hear feedback from women who say things like, Matt, I tried the advice from your podcast and I met someone incredible that same night. But occasionally, I'll hear something like, when something finally starts to go right in my life, I have trouble trusting that it's real and I just can't enjoy it. If you can relate, I want you to stay tuned until the end of today's show because there's something really exciting I

want to share with you that has the power to change your way of thinking forever. But first, let's get to the episode. I have an interesting subject for you today, which is based around conversation, but a particular problem that I have actually found myself having somewhat recently with conversation. I've been on a bit of a book high recently where I've been reading a lot of different books that wouldn't be the normal sorts of books that I think people would just pick up in their day to day. It's not like the latest novel. It's, you know, historic books, books that are about science or you name it, all different things. And one of the difficult parts of that

is that what you've just been doing that day, if you've been reading a book like that, isn't necessarily relevant to anybody else when you go out that evening. So what you find is the things that are immediately on your mind couldn't be the furthest things from everybody else's mind. And what you think should actually be a helpful thing in conversation, and you know me, I've been the first to say, if you want more to say, read more. But at the same time, the adverse effect it can have is that you feel like I've got all these things to say and no one cares. So where did my thinking graduate to? Well, I began to realize that there are two things you can really do in a conversation.

The first is you can teach people about what you know. Now that in itself can be very interesting, especially if you can be compelling with something and you can find a way to make it relate to them. You have to be able to help people understand and relate to it and feel like it's interesting. People are much more likely to be interested in the fact that Thomas Jefferson slept with his slave than they are about the interests of Thomas Jefferson in biology and growing seeds at that time. You have to pick your battles in a way when you're talking to people. But one thing you can do is teach people something. The other thing you can do if you want to get off your high horse for a second, and this is me talking to me now, but maybe you'll relate, is you can look at what others can teach you. What can this person talk to me about that they know better than I do? And that could

be anything. I mean, people do different jobs to you. People have different interests, different hobbies. If you can zone in on the thing that they're actually interested in, the thing that the conversation that would put them in their element, and then ask them to talk to you about that and be genuine. I don't mean be fake curious, be genuinely curious, because if you're somebody who has a thirst for life and knowledge, then whatever the subject, you'll want to know more about it. You'll want to be able to talk eloquently on any subject. In fact, the best socializers I know, the ones that really know how to talk to people, they have, and the most interesting people I know, they can talk about anything. But guess why they can talk about anything? Because they've asked people about everything.

They've been in every conversation and someone, it doesn't matter if the person knew that that person for the last 10 years had been waiting tables in a restaurant. They could understand and appreciate that that person knows more about waiting tables than they do. So let me find out what it's like. Let me find out, you know, how do you get bigger tips than the next person? What frustrates you most about waiting tables? What's the most interesting thing about waiting tables? What discipline has it taught you? What's the worst part? What's the best part about that job? They know that if they can find out about that, they can now have a conversation with anyone who waits tables anywhere

in the world. It's something that becomes a gift in its own right. So here's the way I've begun to look at this. I think that we should treat people more like books that need to be read. That when we start a book, very rarely do we look at the first two pages and say, oh, I know all of this already. I'm not going to read the rest of the book. No, we read the book and we see what we can gather from that book. And at the end of the book, we may say, oh, I knew most of that already. And maybe the book gave you one new piece of information or one new interesting angle. And you say, okay, well, at least I got something from that book. I think that people can be the same way that we should go and approach people and talk to people as if they are a book that needs to be read.

And that to me is the real skill of conversation. It's not just to lecture people and show what you know. It's not just to find common ground. It's to discover people. And the discovery is endless and exciting in that sense. So thank you guys for listening. I hope you enjoyed that. Two ways to have conversation. One, teach other people something. The other is to learn from them. I will see you soon. Join me on Facebook for the discussion, facebook.com forward slash Matthew Hussey. I look forward to seeing you there. I'll see you in the next episode. Now, if you can't enjoy the good things that come into your life because you don't feel worthy i have an incredible opportunity for you i want you to apply for my matthew hussey retreat

on this powerful program we'll go way beyond the tips i teach you in my podcasts straight to the core of your deeper issues so that you can overcome them once and for all i'll give you the tools to change the relationship you have with yourself Straight to the core of your deeper issues so that you can overcome them once and for all. I'll give you the tools to change the relationship you have with yourself so that you can finally achieve the core confidence you need to get the love, the success and the happiness you deserve. Right now, there are extremely limited spots available on the retreat, but one of them could be yours. To book your phone interview with one of my expert mentors,

just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash retreat.