Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): 6 Behaviors That Kill Relationships

Episode Date: December 16, 2022

Do you know what really makes relationships fall apart? I do.  Having now coached for over 10 years on the topic of dating, I’ve seen the worst behaviors over and over again.  And if we don’t work on eliminating these toxic relationship habits, it doesn’t matter how attractive we are: we’ll always find a way to self-sabotage and drive our partner away. I don’t know about you, but a lifetime of painful arguments and emotional mind games isn’t something I ever want to settle for in love. So here are 6 relationship-killing behaviors to avoid at all costs if you want to keep an amazing guy... --- Download my free guide and give your love life a kickstart today.  ►► FREE download: “3 Secrets To Love” → 3SecretsToLove.com

🎵 Hey, it's Matthew. I wanted to share this powerful clip with you today about the behaviors that we engage in that can subtly damage our relationship if we're not careful and how to recover quickly if you've done any of these things. Check it out. Tension and conflict are an inevitable part of any relationship. It might be a moment when he said he would text you at the end of a night out after being with his friends and he didn't. It might be the moment where he interacts with someone in a way that makes you feel jealous. Or maybe he was blasé about something that was really important to you or forgot something, a promise that he'd

made to you. Tension in these moments is inevitable, but damage to the relationship is not. You see, it doesn't necessarily matter what you argue about, but it does matter how you argue about it. And most of us have some kind of reactions that we do when we're feeling scared and hurt that destroy instead of develop the relationship I want you to take a moment to be really honest with yourself and think about what yours are what's your pattern I'll name a few and I want you to see which of these you relate to number one we go silent when our partner does something we don't like,

we go into ourselves and we give them the silent treatment. Number two, we storm off. We make a point of getting out of their vicinity, not giving them a chance to talk to us, but instead just disappearing. Number three, we label our partner. Instead of saying that was a selfish thing you did, we say you're a selfish person. Four, you make the argument black and white. He's wrong, you're right, and there is no room for interpretation or for listening to both sides of the argument. Number five, instead of communicating with him, you simply vent to your friends, often vilifying him in their eyes in the process. On number six, you go on the attack with vicious comments that are designed to inflict pain, not solve problems. What we have to remember about these reactions is that they are reactions to fear. Fear that we're not enough,

fear that we won't be loved, fear of abandonment, or fear that we chose the wrong partner in life. When we're afraid, we do crazy shit. Why? Because we're all a little fucked up. We all are. And although we're working on that, we know that in the meantime, while we're working through our own issues,

we have to have better response systems for dealing with conflict. Because even though we might not fully have a handle on every single one of our emotions in every given moment, what we can control is our reaction to those emotions. So what are the trained responses that we should be working on? Instead of going silent, speak. Instead of disappearing, stay and solve.

Instead of labeling your partner and denigrating their character, focus on the behavior you didn't like. Instead of making things black and white, allow for nuance in the argument. your partner and denigrating their character, focus on the behavior you didn't like. Instead of making things black and white, allow for nuance in the argument. Allow for complexity. One of my favorite phrases in life is, why can't both be true? Why can't it be true that something he did was selfish and also that he didn't really mean to be, or that maybe you overreacted in the moment? Why can't both be true? Instead of going to your friends with a propaganda campaign on how badly he acted, choose one person or two people that are grounded

that help you organize your thoughts and then go back to him to talk. And use restraint with the kind of words and phrases and attacks that tomorrow you will wish you could take back. Look, when we're feeling vulnerable or afraid, we all have our own special brand of crazy. But when the intoxication of fear wears off, all we will be left with is a reaction we are ashamed of. When I see someone acting in weird or wonderful ways,

I don't see a crazy person. I see someone who's scared. But what we have to be big enough to realize is that relationships are made or broken in the moments of conflict and tension. We have to learn how to navigate those moments because that will be the difference between finding and keeping lasting love or losing it forever. Thanks for listening to the episode and before you go anywhere if you are struggling to move on from someone right now i have something that's really going to help it's a video at moveonstrong.com that shows you how to build up your confidence again so that you're ready to go and take on the world check it out at moveonstrong.com.