Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): 8 Revealing Questions You Can Ask Someone On A Date

Episode Date: February 9, 2024

Dating is tough. The person we’re meeting up with may have been on multiple other dates this month. How can we stand out when there seems to be so much competition?  The #1 way to separate ourselves is through great conversation. And yet most of us spend all of our time trying to look hot without ever thinking about what we’re going to say when we get there.  I’m sure you already have the “looking great” part taken care of.  But in today’s episode, I cover the “what to say” part—specifically, how to stand out by asking one of 8 tried-and-tested questions I’ve put together for you. --- ►► Pre-Order My New Book, "Love Life" at → http://www.LoveLifeBook.com ►► Access My Happiness After Heartbreak Series for FREE by Pre-Ordering Your Copy of Love Life Now. . .→ http://www.HeartbreakSeries.com

It's a bit scary if someone says, I don't like what I do. And then if you say, is there something else that you're working towards that you would love to do? And they say, not really. Hey everyone, I wanted to give you something super practical today. Eight questions you can ask on a first date to get beneath the surface, out of small talk, learn a bit more about who someone is, see if you're compatible with that person,

and in the process, make you appear more interesting and likable and unique to the person you're on a date with. Pay particular attention to question number eight because if you do it right? I believe that when we ask someone who they admire, we start to actually learn their values. What is it they value? What traits do they think are important in another human being? Because that says what traits they feel are important for themselves to aspire to. And by the way, the key to this question is asking why? What is it about that person? For me, Jameson, Mr. Rogers and Steve Irwin. Mr. Rogers because of his just kindness that was consistent in every situation and Steve Irwin because of his just insane passion for what he did

that made you get excited about whatever he was doing because of the energy that he fired out like a cannon. Ask your date next time who's someone you really admire. Number two, what kind of vacations do you love the most? I think this is just a fun question in general because it gets you talking about something fun. It gets you away from work. Even if someone hasn't taken a vacation in a while, it just gets us into that kind of fantasy of where we like going, what we like doing,

when we're being carefree. Oh, as a follow-up, you can ask someone, if you had to spend a year in a different country altogether, where would you choose? I think I would choose Japan. And by the way, with all of these questions, you get to ask why, what is it about that place? And what's more fun than describing the soul of a place that you love? Number three, what book do you think everybody should read? This book for me is 4,000 Weeks by Oliver Berkman, which talks about basically FOMO on an existential level.

The fact that we don't have enough time in life, there's so much we wanna do, and that leaves us all overwhelmed and despairing and constantly doing too much. I love this question. What book do you think everyone should read? Because it's another way of saying, what's a message that you think everybody should hear? And when you hear the

message that someone thinks everybody should hear, then you're learning what they think is really important in life. Question four, what do you love most about what you do? Now, not everyone loves what they do, but what you're going to learn is A, whether they are passionate about what they do for a living. And B, even if they're not, can they find something that they love about what they do? And if they say, oh, mate, I really struggled with what I do. I'm not enjoying it. Then say, what do you want to do instead? Or is there something you'd much rather be doing? And then you learn about something they're moving towards, but you're seeing if they can find passion in things. I always think that it's a bit scary if someone says, I don't like what I do. And then if you say, is there something

else that you're working towards that you would love to do? And they say, not really. I would find that troubling because I'd think, oh, we don't have a lot in common. I could live with the fact that you don't enjoy what you're doing now, as long as you were working towards something that you did enjoy. But the fact that you're doing neither scares me because it makes me feel like we have a different passion towards life or we have a different standard for passion in our lives. Number five, what's something you love doing but don't do enough?

Traveling. Probably everyone's answer right now after the last two years, I realize, not just mine. I always feel like this activates a part of our brain that really loves doing something and gets excited when we think about it or when we talk about it. But maybe we haven't gone there in a minute.

You're inviting them to tell you about hobbies or passions that they're not indulging nearly enough. And so you learn what their thing is. Number six, I borrow this question from my dear friend and publisher, Karen Rinaldi, who wrote a book called It's Great to Suck at Something. And the question is, what do you suck at? By the way, you can even use Karen's book as the inspiration for this question. You can say, you know, there's a book that I saw on the bookshelf recently called It's Great to Suck at Something. And it got me thinking like, what do I suck at? What do you suck at? When you ask that question, you invite someone to a place of humility that a lot of people can't go to, a vulnerability that a lot of people aren't comfortable with. But I like being around

people who can be vulnerable. Can you have a moment of actual vulnerability? I suck at karaoke. I get very shy when I'm in an environment where I might be called upon to do something like that. You know, some people just, they're like a duck to water when there's a microphone around. I am the opposite of that. And it's probably because I can't sing. Number seven, what is a film you are embarrassed you like so much? I had to really think about this one. Deep Blue Sea. That is a pretty bad movie.

For some reason, Deep Blue Sea, there can't be a screen that Deep Blue Sea is on that I don't end up watching for the full two hours? I just think this question's fun. I also think you find out how seriously a person takes themselves. A bit like asking someone, what's the most embarrassing song?

If I looked at your top 25 most played songs, what would be the most embarrassing one among them? Firstly, it's adorable to learn something that someone listens to or watches that's bad, but it's also revealing of their ability to laugh at themselves. Number eight. Now this is the one I said I think is the most revealing.

How would your closest friends describe you? What I like about this question is it gives someone an unselfconscious way to talk about themselves. It's very hard if you say to someone, describe yourself. That's really difficult. And most people are too self-conscious to do that. But if you say, how would your best friend describe you? Then you're allowing that person to ventriloquize the person that knows them the best and say things from an objective standpoint from some distance but actually say things about themselves. Now of course all of these questions one of the

things they do is they give this person a platform to talk about things that are important to them things they love things they connect with and it does it in ways that a lot of people don't ask. So inherently you giving someone a platform to talk about all of these things that they enjoy talking about is gonna make you more interesting to that person. I also wanna add that it's incumbent on us to have good answers to the questions we ask.

Anytime you're going in with questions like these, have a sense of, if someone asked me these questions, I would have rich and interesting opinions and things to say about the very things I'm asking. I'm not asking someone else to be interesting without being prepared to be revealing and vulnerable and interesting myself. Before you go, I wanted to let you know that we have a program that is great for anyone in early dating right now who wants to make sure they don't keep ending up in casual situations, but gets into a relationship that actually goes somewhere. It's called the Momentum Texts. It's ridiculously practical and you can get it for seven dollars over at momentum texts.com