Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): Getting Less Attention Than You Used to? Listen To THIS

Episode Date: January 26, 2024

Do you feel like everything has changed in the dating scene? Is it making you feel like you have to settle because so many people no longer want commitment? In this clip, Matthew talks about what it's like when we go through difficult experiences and come back onto the dating scene, what happens as we get older and are looking for a relationship, and how you can approach finding love with a new perspective. ►► Pre-Order My New Book, "Love Life" at → http://www.LoveLifeBook.com   ►► Transform Your Relationship With Life in 6 Magical Days. Learn More About The Matthew Hussey Retreat at. . . → http://www.MHRetreat.com

It's like if someone when they were famous was going, when I was famous everyone wanted to be my friend and now I'm not famous anymore, no one wants to be my friend. Is being young like being famous? A little bit. Hey everybody, Matthew Hussey here with the Love Life Podcast. Excited for you to hear the episode today. Let's get into it. She says, Hi Matthew and team. I was lucky enough to find personal growth in my early twenties and learned everything from self-esteem, interpersonal communication to Kundalini yoga and Vipassana meditation.

I'm happy to say it all worked. I became someone that attractive men would ask out and step up for. There was never any hesitation to commit. There were problems, yes, but commitment was not one of them. Then my mum got sick. I, alongside my dad, endured a traumatic five years trying to save her. It was heartbreaking seeing her suffer every day. Every bit of life was slowly squeezed out of her by an unknown illness until she suffocated. After three years in solitude, slowly losing every part of my own life from my successful career to dating, I started online dating and opened up a new relationship category, casual. The intense grief and isolation led to me saying yes to relationship dynamics I never would have considered before. It was amazing, deep, healing, sexy, and fun.

But now I'm not so lonely anymore and I'm starting to feel happy in my life. I stopped all casual relationships and have been single for a year. I have a new successful career, amazing friends, I lost 10 pounds, and I'm doing well in all areas except my romantic story. Guys not wanting to commit or just wanting to be casual or not available or really awesome available guys asking me out, but the attraction is not mutual. I feel like something in me broke. What happened to me and what can I do? When we go through difficult things in our life, they can really kind of mess us up in a way that makes it hard for us to have that same energy that we had before. Life can kind of beat us down and make it hard for us to come back with that same play, sense of play, that same sense of, of the suffering that you've been through is one of

the things that makes you more attractive but it's a different kind of attraction you have to be really careful of comparing the attention that you're getting now to the attention that you got when you were in your early 20s because the kind of attention you got in your early twenties was different. It may have felt the same. In other words, it may be like, no, no, no. It wasn't just people wanting to go home with me. It was people who wanted to commit to me. Well, I would argue that in many of those cases, it was coming from a different place. I worry that you're kind of holding onto a story of how many people willing to commit to you in your early twenties. That isn't, it doesn't actually have any bearing on real life and real commitment in the same way

that it's like, it's like if someone, when they were famous was going, when I was famous, everyone wanted to be my friend. And now I'm not famous anymore. No one wants to be my friend. It's like, yeah, but when you were famous, they weren't real friendships. 99% of them, they weren't real friendships. So it, I actually value more the friendship you have now the one friendship you get when you're not famous i value more than a hundred friendships or 500 friendships you got when you were famous i love that analogy that's really sharp it's being young like being famous a little bit a little bit it's sort of a superficial status like it's a yeah you might be you might be sexier to some

people and they just suddenly put you on a certain level yeah but it's like real literally skin deep i mean it doesn't it's not durable the attention that you get as a woman and i speak from experience in your 20s it's like it is a bit like being famous you know whatever it's and it's just a natural thing that as you get older you don't get the same kind of attention but I don't really think that's a bad thing because as you say the intention you get is far more meaningful and you actually come across people who you know want to get to know you to see whether you could be a good life partner I just think it's it's incomparable there's just a different phase of your life and then your 40s is a different phase and your 50s is a different phase and you know you just you have to make peace with the things

that are better in different decades and worse in different decades and I think you know I always say this to my friends but it's like I'm 32 years old and I always say this to my friends, but it's like, I'm 32 years old. And I always say, I will never be 21 years old again, I will never look like a 21 year old, I just I just won't. And that's okay. Because I don't that that cannot be your value. And it's just because it means that you have half or, you know, 90% less attention as a result of it it doesn't matter you know it doesn't matter it was just a different phase and that's just life as it is now and it sounds like you still have options and still people people are still attracted to you so it's all good i think you answered so many things but there is that one part where life can happen to us and it can steal our mojo or at least it can just sort of like suck

that youthful vibrance out of you and and yeah the death of her mom here and a long a long painful sickness that can have a huge effect on just how you're interacting with the world and how and how you're entering that space and how people are seeing you. So what do you do in that scenario? Well, I think for one thing, everything that you've been through, what it does is it opens you up to humility. It opens you up to a feeling that, oh, I am like other people. And I can, my God, just given what I've been through, I can relate to more people now.

I can relate to the struggles that people go through. I can relate to the difficulties. Man, I can relate to the women now that say that no one is committing or that I feel like I'm gonna get left on the shelf or I feel like something changed and I'm no longer as attractive as I once was. I can relate

to all of these things. And that relatability is really, really powerful. It's powerful in attraction because when someone gets to know the depth of you, if they've suffered, if they've been through things, which by the way, doesn't make them any less attractive. You can get incredibly attractive people who still have the depth and the humility of someone who's been through a lot. But when they see that in you, there's a chance at a real connection. What you might have to get used to is the kind of humility that you have begun to arrive at in your life does not announce itself as loudly as 22 year old charisma. It's quieter and it takes longer to appreciate. And you know, when you, you know, when you say like about a friend, you know, you get that friend who's like immediately like exciting and glossy

and whatever. And you're like, Oh my God, they're amazing. And then you're not friends a month later. And then there's the friend that after a year of knowing them, you're like, you know, I really appreciate about that friend of mine. They never talk shit about people. They never like, they're not a gossip. They don't, they're not mean. I really, they don't, they don't talk shit about people. I really trust them because there's lots of times where I've known them long enough to know they could have said some really bad words and they didn't. And you come to appreciate that about that friend

and it creates a much deeper connection. But that's not something you say on week two of knowing someone. That's something you can only say when you've known someone for a little longer. So none of this means there won't be immediate attraction for you in the future. But it's just to say that I don't think walking into a room, I get the attention that I might have gotten at a different stage in my life.

But I also know that that's because I walk into a room differently. I also know this because there's a kind of understatedness or humility about me today because I don't need to announce myself in a loud fashion I don't feel the need to make everyone like me I don't feel the need to work the room at the party and be the life and soul I just don't feel that need anymore and so I don't get as much attention as I used to. But the kind of attention that I tend to get is real. It's people who see me and go, oh, I like that guy. I like

what he's about. What I feel like on some level coming to terms with is that you're coming back out into the dating world and you're actually having to exist without so much attention and to be patient. You don't have to be patient for attention. You even saw that when you started dating again and you made it all casual, right? When you go into the dating world and you're like, I'm going to have a year of being casual, is attention in short supply? For a lot of people, no, because there's people willing to give you that attention at the drop of a hat. If you say, hey, I'm available and there's no strings attached, you're going to get attention. And that attention initially is going to feel good, but what it left you feeling at the end of it is not really fulfilled.

So you decided, enough with that. I'm going to go down a different route. But that different route might be a route where you have to be a little more patient and actually exist in a world where attention isn't the main currency. And I know you're not asking for attention i know you're asking for commitment but the kind of commitment you really want isn't men all falling over themselves to marry you right that's like imagine beauty and the beast who's the character in beauty and the beast that women are all falling over themselves to to marry gaston gaston gaston's an idiot gaston is the best disney character yeah you love gaston oh he's brilliant but you love him because he's such a textbook narcissist yeah i i

but you know gaston's a moron and those people don't feel a real connection with him they've just got this image of him that they're all running towards and they think that they're going to be more by getting him. He can eat a dozen eggs as well. According to the song, he eats a dozen eggs. No, when he was younger, he used to eat a dozen eggs. But now he's a grown man. He eats five dozen eggs.

Five dozen eggs. How many eggs? No, now he's a grown man. He eats five dozen eggs. So he's roughly the size of a barge. Yeah. Obviously. I'm very constipated.

Which may explain the size of a barge, obviously. I'm very constipated. Which may explain the size of the barge. But I kind of liken it to that. It's not real. You want commitment. Take your time. Be patient. Keep being the right things. Keep having the character but one adjustment I would make is

really focus on having a character of openness and and push forward with that humility in a way that invites people into your world without judgment with curiosity and then with a little you add a little playfulness and flirtation into that mix too. And I promise you, you have a cocktail that is going to, um, that is going to create commitment in the right person. Before you go, if you haven't already grab yourself a copy of the momentum texts program in this program, I give you very practical things that you can do to move an early dating situation forward. Avoid messages that don't go anywhere. Avoid dates that never result in follow-up or situationships that never result

in a commitment. This is the most practical early dating program you will find. And it's super reasonable to get your hands on at $7. Go check it out at MomentumTexts.com. Bye.