Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): How To Recover When Your Ex Moves On Too Fast…

Episode Date: December 2, 2022

Breakups are hard. Really hard. Especially if you didn’t do the breaking up. You’re left with questions about your own self-worth. You punish yourself for your deficiencies. You retrace the steps of the relationship like a detective on a mission to find out where you screwed up. And so we meet Roy, the subject of our clip today. Now you know Roy’s story. What can he do to wake from this fever dream? Let’s find out. Please share this episode someone who needs to hear this message. P.S. And if you want a free guide to accompany this episode—one that can help you finally move on from someone and recover—head to MoveOnStrong.com

I've had a ex talk about you a lot, so I thought I'd come check you out, but... So, yeah, that's... Hey everyone, I hope you're doing great in your day today. I wanted to release this clip of me live coaching someone. So I think you're really going to enjoy this. I like to bring you any kind of moment where I'm actually coaching someone because if you've been through something similar, it can act as coaching for you too. Enjoy the episode. What's your name? Roy. Hey Roy how are you? Good Matthew thanks. I've had a ex talk about you a lot so I thought I'd come check you out but so yeah that's

I was well thank you for being here yeah yeah um I enjoy everything you have to say but I'm a man so I mean I'm just trying to figure out what I can take from the male perspective and also um how do I change the way that I like I'm I'm very, I guess, reserved and I dwell on my hurt because, I mean, we're people. But, like, I have a problem with my ex moved on fast and I was trying to, it hurts, man. You know, it's like we were together for, like, five, six years. And when they move on fast, it makes you feel like you're not good enough and i just want to know how how can i change my way of thinking and it was just they were waiting on me and i was waiting on them and it just they just decided to go one way i mean

how do i change my perspective on letting stuff go because that's what I need to do. I need to let stuff go or I'm going to be unhappy for the rest of my life. Yes. Roy, you're going through an incredible amount of hurt. When was it? When did this happen? When did she move on? I guess we split up in August of 18. Yep.

And I would say it was probably a good four months after. Yep. So, it's incredibly painful. Part of the pain is you continuing to convince yourself that this must on some level have been the right person and that your right person is now with someone else. Now I don't believe that. I believe that the right person can only be the right person when it's two people choosing each other.

So part of the pain we hold on to is believing still that we had this jewel that's gone. And as much as we may have loved someone, as much as we may have thought someone was incredible, they may have had wonderful qualities, we may have been incredibly attracted to them, there may have been all these great things, they cannot represent that true dream relationship

if they don't choose you. In fact, someone not choosing you is just about the biggest departure from your dream relationship you could ever imagine. So when we're saying, but we were so close, not being chosen by someone should be the greatest turn off in the world. Not because there's something wrong with that person, but because how on earth, when I was a kid and I dreamt about my dream relationship

or in my, you know, last 10 years or 20 years before I met someone, when I was dreaming of my dream relationship, it couldn't have been the one where someone decides to go be with someone else. That wasn't it. So this isn't it. Then there's the ego. The ego element. Of someone chose someone else. Why not me? What did that person have?

Why wasn't I good enough? And now we take the baggage of that forward. The greatest advice I ever received was kill your ego. Because that motherfucker has no place in your growth. None. None. I box a lot and when you go into the to the ring and you are worried about getting hurt, when you're worried about yourself, that's ego. When you're worried about the size of the other guy and this guy's skills, that's ego. When you're worried about, I came in here to do a job,'s my job then ego goes out the window

and there are certain we're all gonna die many many times in our life we're all gonna die you just died right a piece of you has to die right now you're going through fucking hell. It's been awful. Someone ripped your heart out. That's hell. But I want that version of you that goes through hell and comes out and has something to say at the end of it.

That's the version of you I want. Do I want the version of Roy who hasn't been through that shit? Nah, it's fucking boring. That's boring. I don't want that Roy. I want Roy who's been to hell and back. I want Roy who had to go die, resurrect himself, and then come tell the rest of us how to do that. I want that Roy. That Roy is interesting to me. I want weathered, scarred Roy who's been through shit, who has interesting things to say.

That Roy is much more interesting to me. And we learn far more, far, far more. We become far stronger by what goes wrong in our lives than what goes right. Far more. And so this, all this you're going through, this is just like, you know, like a, like a great stew. Like it's just adding flavor. Just like, it's just making you more and more interesting, more and more complex. It's going to make you more compassionate. It's going to make you kinder. It's going to make you more empathetic to other people. It's going to give you more to bring to your next relationship. It's going to make you such a strong person. And you get through this and you deal with this. What the fuck do you have to be afraid of?

I've died, motherfucker. You can't scare me. All right. You see that? So there's the ego element. Kill your ego. Kill that shit. That guy has to die.

So bigger me comes back. All right. And then there's the mourning because you think you've lost the person you're supposed to be with. I can promise you, you haven't. Because unless someone chooses you, they ain't the person you're supposed to be with. You could be disappointed. You could be disappointed she wasn't the person, but you can't grieve like she was the person because she's not. Disappointment takes a minute to get over too, but it's much easier to get over than true grieving of, I've lost the love of my life. You didn't lose that.

That's still to come. Something better is coming for you. I promise you, my brother, I promise. Okay. I hope you enjoyed that clip from the archives, everybody. A nice little bite-sized episode for you. Before you go, don't forget, head over to 3secretstolove.com where I have a free guide waiting for you to give you three secrets to finding love faster this year. If you want to recover from a breakup or if you want to get back out there, or both, this is a great guide for you. 3secretstolove.com is where you can find that free guide. And I will speak to you in the next episode of Love Life. Thank you.