Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): If You Want To Heal Your Heartbreak, Listen To This...

Episode Date: October 14, 2022

I’ll keep this short. If you’re experiencing any kind of pain right now from a “situation” or a relationship ending, this clip is a must-watch for you today. It could be the pain of having been ghosted . . . It could be the pain of someone you were seeing regularly going cold on you . . . Or it could be the terrible heartbreak of a long-term relationship falling apart when you didn’t want it to end. In this clip, my brother Stephen and I are not merely talking about how to get over your pain, but how to deal with it while you’re still in the middle of it—perhaps even in the worst phase, when it feels like it’ll never go away. I’m here for you. P.S. This video may be the greatest gift you can give a friend or family member who is experiencing this kind of pain right now. Who could you send this to to help them get through the day? --- Follow Matt on Insta @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen on Insta @stephenhhussey --- Email us! You can get in touch with the show and give your feedback at [e-mail] --- Join our next Virtual Retreat (November 11th - 13th)! - Claim Your Spot Today at MHVirtualRetreat.com

When I see them with someone else, I'm going to have a full breakdown. They're the love of my life. I'm never going to get over this. I'm going to miss them like this forever. Hey, it's Matthew here. Welcome back to Love Life. Short episode for you today. I wanted to share a clip of a conversation that I had with my brother Stephen because it resonated with so many people who heard these two simple words that I share for getting over heartbreak. Check it out. When you first have the moment of a breakup, it's like you have the shock and all the tears and the moment where it happens, and it's kind of this shocking, traumatic moment. And then it's kind of like that bit in The Dark Knight where bruce wayne is thrown into that pit

you know that that prison with the big circular prison and up somewhere is the light but you are just stuck in this dark hole and you have no idea how you're going to climb out of it what's your initial thought on when you're faced with that kind of black hole you're in what do you think people's what's kind of your first instinct with your wisdom and experience now of when that moment happens you know steve this reminds me of a episode of clarissa the teenage witch do you mean sabrina the teenage witch yeah i do but i was getting a mixed up with clarissa says it all clarissa explains it all explains it says it all i'm getting like mum where i can't remember the names of things this reminds me steve of an episode

of sabrina the teenage witch okay i'm listening there's a moment where a friend i forget her friend's name but her friends her friend gets cuts her hair too short jenny her friend's name is jenny why do i know i don't know why i still know that so her mate jenny gets her hair cut off too short and Clarissa no Sabrina has a she's got powers obviously but I think there's something in this episode where she's like always saying the right thing or she's got the power to make everyone feel good okay and so her friend gets a haircut off and she's Jenny's mortified that her hair's all gone. And Sabrina comes along and just says two words to her.

She just says, hair grows. And Jenny just looks at her and she's like, hair grows. And you see in that moment, she walks away and she's fine. It's just like she realizes that it's all all right, that hair grows. And you see in that, she walks away and she's fine. She's like, it's just like she realizes that it's all all right, that hair grows. Two words like that can change your life. Anyone who's at the apex of the awfulness of grieving over somebody, I would say emotions change. They just, they don't stay the same. So even when you're in the lowest low, you are, you know, is it Jonah in the belly of the whale? Yes.

That was an episode of Sabrina. Right. We're going right. So in Jonah's in the belly of the whale, it's like, that's the worst of the worst. How can it get any worse? And the thought is, it's always going to be like this. I am in the worst possible place and I can't survive this. If this stays this way, I can't survive this. Yeah. survive this. If this stays this way, I can't survive this. Emotions change. This terrible feeling you have right now about losing this person. They're the love of my life. I'm never going to get over this. I'm going to miss them like this forever. When I see them with someone else, I'm going to have a full breakdown. I'm never going to meet anyone like them again. Emotions change. They just don't stay the same. And that much you can rely on. You're actually not going to feel like this forever. It can't be. It cannot be. There is just no way. You are going to get better.

And your emotions about this situation are going to change. Your feelings towards this person are going to change. They're not going to stay the same. Your feelings towards other people are going to change. Someone else is going to come on your radar and they're going to be interesting. And you'll like something else about them or love something else about them and and so everything it will all change none of this is going to stay the way that it is right now so those two words if nothing else if you're at the worst moment of your breakup if nothing else just remember emotions change well you're absolutely right you have to have like a degree of faith and and well it's rational as well but it's a rational understanding of this pain cannot this isn't going to be my life people don't just stay in this shock forever but um i think it's so important as well that you engage in a procedure of emotional,

for lack of a less cliche word, self-care. Like you have to start, that you have to put yourself on the right path to not prolonging it. You know, you've got a wound and now you've got to start applying the right antiseptic the right balms anointments wrap the wound you kind of have to do the right things now do you have to go okay i'm going to start building the ladder of self-esteem again i'm gonna stop turn self-hatred into self-love i'm gonna start treating myself like someone i care about. And if I was just looking at this person

from the outside, I would be like, okay, let's just get you out for a walk today. Let's get you to go and have a chat to a friend who brings you a bit of joy or someone who you know, like, makes you laugh a bit and just like gently, like do a phone call, do one phone call. And I think these things, if you just start that little upward spiral, you can, you know, things start to get a bit better each day. I agree. You know, the word gently is kind of interesting because there's certain parts of it you're just not going to outrun. Like when you're truly heartbroken, you're not just going to like gym your way out of that. Do you know what I mean?

You're not just going to nights with friends out your way out of that. You're not going to party through it until like, yeah. Or even, you know, self-help your way out of it through, you know, it's listening to so many podcasts in a day or a week or whatever. Those things are things that realign your focus. They build other muscles, you know. We've talked before about it. If you imagine it's like one part of your body is injured, right? Let's say your heart, your heart is injured. So you're training other parts of your body. You want to

keep doing that because you don't want to wake up when you feel better. Being heartbroken is one problem, but you don't want to wake up in six months with six problems because you being heartbroken meant that you didn't do any, you didn't work any of the other muscles. You don't, if you injure your, your shoulder, you've got a problem, but you don't want to wake up six months from now with weak legs or a weak core or a bunch of problems that have come from eating badly or, you know, those things don't have to be problems alongside it. So it's like, sometimes I think we're so focused on trying to make the injured muscle feel better. Instead of being like, that thing's going to be injured for a minute. That's okay. Don't,

you don't have to try to speed that up to an unnatural rate of healing because when we do that, typically we're lying to ourselves in some way. You know, we're telling ourselves everything's all right and making ourselves so absurdly busy that we have zero time to even think. But the moment you have downtime, the moment it gets to 11 o'clock at night and your head hits the pillow again, that stuff's all coming rushing back in anyway. At some point it catches up and you still have to go through the hellish part of it. You can make it, reduce it, but you're still going to go through the tough part. But you want to make sure that you accept that you have a problem, an issue. And by the way, it's not in a sense, it is a real problem, but it's also a real problem that's a real opportunity. It's a real opportunity for growth.

It's a real opportunity for healing. It's a real opportunity for self-care. It's a real opportunity to build your relationship with yourself, self-love. It's a real opportunity to show yourself that you can deal with very difficult things in life. It's a real opportunity to build your kind of toughness and your resilience and the invincibility that comes from knowing you can get over anything, which is going to make you really valuable to the next person. I'm more valuable to people because of my heartbreak. There is no question about it. I am more valuable because of heartbreak in my life. I would be less valuable in this conversation right now if I didn't have heartbreak. And anyone who has been through

heartbreak, you may not be out there coaching tons of people or making videos, but if you're out, if you've just got a friend or a family member or someone in your life who comes to you for help, you're going to be more helpful as a result of this heartbreak. It's going to make you a better, more useful person in the world. Your suffering will make you more useful in the world. So it's only a problem to the extent that it hurts. It's not a problem in the sense of your growth. But right now you have an issue. But you don't want to wake up with six more issues six months from now

because you didn't take care of the other things. Accept that there's going to be a tough period. That's okay. If you are struggling between the dichotomy of whether to try to get someone back or move on for good, I have a video for you to watch right now. It is at moveonstrong. strong.com is totally free and it will help you. If you are in this position that just makes you feel trapped in not knowing what to do to get that video, go to move on strong.com. I'll see you over there. Thank you.