Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): If You're Not Where You Want To Be By Now, Listen To This...

Episode Date: February 10, 2023

We all long for financial independence, relationship bliss, greater familial connection, and a generally peaceful life with fewer hardships. But as it happens, life doesn’t care about the straight-line trajectory we've planned for ourselves. It will capriciously take a person from us at a time we weren’t prepared for. It will injure us when we need to be active. It will rob us of our finances in a bad business deal we thought was a sure thing. It will take away a relationship we thought would last forever. And when these things inevitably happen, it can feel like we’re grieving the loss of some future that’s now no longer available to us . . . But life is cyclical and doesn’t trend in just one direction. This is why it is imperative for us to take our focus off of where we feel we “ought to be” and make peace with life as it is today. Because the truth is, there’s always time to reinvent ourselves, meet somebody new, or fix something broken in our lives. And it is our job to cherish and learn from the wisdom gained from our past experiences instead of wishing things had gone a different way. --- Get Real Results in your Love Life This Year... Reserve Your FREE Spot on My Live Virtual Event → http://www.DatingWithResults.com

You know, so many of us have this line that we're drawing between now and the end of our days, and life does not care about that line. Matthew here. Welcome to another episode of Love Life. If you're somebody who feels like your friends, maybe people in your family are all getting ahead and you're not, if you feel like they're moving on and you're stuck where you are and you thought you'd be way further ahead in your life than you are right now, this is for you. I want to give you the gift of a clean slate today. Check it out. Life doesn't care about the straight line trajectory you have planned for yourself that just is all about an

ever upwards trend towards financial independence towards relationship bliss towards familial connection and bliss toward more peace toward less problems toward a less cluttered set of cupboards in your house it's it you know so many of us have this this line that we're drawing between now and the end of our days that's just all of these things are getting better and life does not care about that line it will capriciously take people from us that we didn't intend to lose at the time they were taken it will clutter up new drawers while you clean out old ones. It will injure you at a time when you were really excited about getting yourself in shape and then you can't. It will rob you of your finances in a bad business deal that you thought was a sure thing.

It will rob you of a relationship that you thought was forever life is constantly disrupting these plans we have and it makes me think about how often in life, well, two things really. One, we can always feel like we're grieving the loss of some future because we've already crossed over. We've crossed the line of being able to ever do that thing. But life is long, especially when you give yourself the opportunity to do lots of things or enjoy lots of things. Life can be quite long and there are always chances to reinvent ourselves. There are always chances to have a growth spurt. There's always chances to learn something new or to get better at something.

It's interesting, Jameson. I heard the average age for successful startup founders is, or the peak age for successful startup founders is 45. Peak age? It was either peak or average. Maybe it was the, no, I don't think it was average. I think it was saying, the statistic was saying that people who start at 45

are disproportionately successful at creating startups. The reason being that by that time, they have experience, they have contacts, they have wisdom from failures, they've done it wrong, they've been unprofessional, they've screwed it up, they've done all those things. And when they start later in life, they have all of that under their belt. And that should be really encouraging to a lot of young people who feel like they're not on track

to be where they want to be. I was always deeply inspired by Anthony Bourdain. You know, I beat myself up sometimes because I'm doing jujitsu and I'm about to cross over shortly into blue belt. And that's taken me a while.'s taken me years and it's like oh my god like you know there's all these guys that started before me and they're already at purple belt and they're younger than me and they know you get into that game again but then i look at bourdain and he was 58 when he started when he started and realize, oh, life is really long. It is a marathon. It is not a sprint. And not only is it a marathon, it doesn't just trend in one direction. Life is cyclical. It's cyclical. We can be having a phase where we're doing really well at taking care of ourselves at the same time as someone we used to know who used to take really good care of themselves

is going through a phase where they don't feel good about their body. And that could be reversed in five years. Life is cyclical, which is why we have to take our focus off of other people and put it back on ourselves. But it's also why we have to, because life is a marathon, because it's so easy to undo progress, because progress over the long term is difficult with lots of setbacks along the way, we may as well settle in because it's going to be a long road. Whatever it is we do, whether it's with our bodies, whether it's with our finances, whether it's with our careers, whether it's with our relationship, it's going to be a long road. So we may as well settle in and get comfy and just say okay firstly i'm not going to be any happier once i get there most likely um the the results of us either being made much happier or much sadder by what happens are not that exciting that we tend to have a baseline

we return to regardless of what happens to us so as sam harris puts it the good or the bad isn't going to affect us nearly as much as we hope or we fear and if that's the case, then really the focus is on how much can I, A, make the process sustainable, because I'm never going to achieve my goals if my process isn't sustainable. So how can I do this in a way that I'm going to do it for a long time? And B, how can I learn to enjoy the process more? Which doesn't, I'm not just talking in very direct terms about enjoying what we're doing. Like you have to work every day, so try to enjoy working. I'm not just saying that. I'm even saying build things in that make the overall picture enjoyable as you do it there's a bit of a you know there's been for a while now this cultural thing of this real like indulgence over pain and this feeling of making everything as difficult as

possible because that means that it somehow makes it more meaningful, or it's somehow, you know, that's part of the sprint of getting to where you want to go is just enduring the pain. But the people that I've seen that are really successful long term, are the people that can keep doing it. They're the people that can keep going. And the people that can keep going tend to be the people who make the process more enjoyable. They find time for friends. They find time to do things that they really love outside of this thing that they do every day. They find time to actually build in checkpoints or breaks or relief.

And that's what allows them to keep going. And it's a very short-sighted thing that we do in the name of trying to get ahead, in the name of success, in the name of making things happen, is we sprint at a rate that we cannot possibly maintain. And then the periods of burnout and the moments where life forces us to take a giant pause because of the way we've done it, the way we've worked ourselves, we've burnt out in dating, we've burnt out in our careers, we've burnt out with our gym routine. Those setbacks, those take us out of the game altogether so the game in life is longevity

and longevity comes from recognizing that it is a marathon and that enjoying the way we live now without ever relying on the achievement of our goals to be happy which won't work anyway is the name of the game thanks for listening everybody And before you go, if you really are taking this concept of giving yourself a fresh start seriously this year, I'd love you to consider coming to the virtual retreat in June. It's from the 2nd to the 4th. We do three days of immersion

coaching together with me live. And it is one of the most powerful ways I know to start a fresh chapter in your life. It gives you amazing tools, amazing insight, and a blueprint for how to change things going forward. Come to mhvirtualretreat.com to learn more.