Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): Long-Distance Relationships: The Brutal Truth About How To Make Them Work

Episode Date: December 9, 2022

For a long time I thought it was crazy how many women asked me to talk about this topic. But now, I realize the reason is obvious: In 2022, more of us are doing long-distance relationships than ever. You meet a great guy on Instagram who doesn’t live in the same country... You start dating the perfect man in your city, only to find out he’s been offered a new job 1000 miles away… And suddenly, you find yourself having “Skype dates”, and you now spend half your work day sending silly photos to each other on Whatsapp. You feel like you’re falling in love with this guy – but can it actually work long term?? Should you follow your heart and go for it, or should you listen to your head and call it quits? What’s the answer? These are big questions, so I decided this it was time to be super honest about long-distance and my thoughts on it. --- Here’s what you really need to know... ►► FREE download: “9 Texts to Get Any Man” → http://www.9texts.com ►► FREE download: “5 Compliments to Get Him Addicted to You” → http://www.SayThisToHim.com

Now, you may respond to this, well, Matt, that just depends on how much you really like the person. But how much can you trust how much you think you like the person? Should you follow your heart and go for it when faced with a long distance relationship or are they more trouble than they're worth? In this clip, I get into this tricky subject and I give you the honest truth about whether long distance can really work. I asked you, our audience, what you thought about long distance relationships. What I've learned from long distance relationships is that you're not always satisfied and you miss out on a lot. I mean, the hardest part of it all is trying to be there without actually being there. Think again, really, because it sucks. When you can't reach a man, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's naked somewhere

with somebody else. Not necessarily. I think long distance is really rewarding when people are doing it correctly and both investing equal amounts of effort and sending a lot of nudes. In my opinion, I call them geographically undesirable relationships. Geographically undesirable relationships.

I think that in today's world, we are more likely to get into a long distance relationship than maybe we have ever been before. Many of us are meeting people on online dating, social media, dating apps, which give us access to people that are not simply within our local area. Then there's the mobility of us these days. We travel, we work in all different places. Many of us move cities several times in our lifetime. So we're more likely to begin something that then turns out to be long distance because they move or we move. My big question for today is, are long distance relationships worth it? Now, you may respond

to this, well, Matt, that just depends on how much you really like the person. But how much can you trust how much you think you like the person? There is a term that Jameson, in his infinite wisdom, came up with that I think perfectly describes the trap many of us fall into when the person we're attracted to lives far away. Cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance. Liking someone more because they're far away whilst being blinded to their negative qualities and the problems the relationship would present if you were actually together every day instead of sharing intermittent honeymoons. And of course this notion of putting a premium on a relationship simply because you can't have it, because there's a barrier, doesn't just apply to distance.

It applies to any barrier. Think Romeo and Juliet. How much can Juliet really trust how much she likes Romeo? Did she really like him because they had the most amazing rapport and connection? Or was it the case that she thought he's a nice lad and then when she heard he's also part of the wrong gang and you can't have him, she went, can't have him? We'll see about that. And why is it so important to assess how grounded in reality your feelings for a person really are? Because in a long distance relationship,

you are playing with a resource that is impossibly finite. Your time. They've been plane rides away and it really just feels like you only know them for two weeks when you've been dating a year and so much time invested. You can fritter away months or years in a long distance relationship that never pans out. And the reality of a long distance relationship is they're incredibly easy to slip into. You start talking to someone, you flirt,

you realize that you find them charming, that you want to speak to them more, that you enjoy telling them about your day. And before you know it, what started as harmless and fun leads to an exclusive relationship where you are now committed to somebody that you can rarely, if ever, have sex with. And I know that sounds abrupt. Why did I jump to sex so specifically all of a sudden? Because what separates a deep friendship from an intimate relationship? Intimacy.

What I've learned from a previous long distance relationship is that intimacy is not a matter of proximity. Okay, so some of our audience might argue that intimacy can be created from afar. But this is where I think it's so important to follow those sage words, that ultimate philosophical advice, know thyself. You have to know how important physical intimacy is to you going in. If like me, physical intimacy is so important to you, it's something you need on a regular basis in your relationship, then you know going into a long distance relationship is something that will be its own form of torture for you. Which makes it so important that if you get into one and you know it's that important to you, that you actually have a plan to be together.

A long distance relationship is figuring things out for a means to an end. Do you guys like each other enough for one of you to move to be with the other person? Yes, Jonathan. Do you like each other enough for one of you to move to actually be with the other person? Not we're doing Skype calls because it's fun and we miss each other. And when are we going to do our next holiday? You can't live for a holiday. You have to live for real life. And real life is, is someone committed enough to make the investment

to actually leave where they are to be with you or vice versa. If that's not going to happen or it's not going to happen anytime soon, you may want to seriously consider whether an exclusive, committed relationship with this person is worth it. I'm not saying that if you meet the love of your life, you should just throw it out of the window because they're not, as Amanda puts it, geographically desirable. What I am saying is, be honest with yourself. Are you being lazy? Are you just comfortable getting your fix at night, talking to someone who you like, talking to about your day instead of going out there and taking a risk to meet someone new? Do you have a scarcity mindset that there's

no one who's going to come along on your doorstep so that you have to go for this person who's miles away? And is there an actual plan? Because if there's not, no matter how perfect you think you are for each other, neither of you are really taking the relationship seriously. Ladies, gentlemen, Jonathan, I will see you soon. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. If you haven't already, there's a program I wanted to highlight for you called Attraction to Commitment, which is an amazing program for anybody looking for a serious relationship who is sick of the casual dating culture. And the good news is there is a free module that I'm giving away from this program right now. So you can just go and try it for

yourself. Go to getthefreetraining.com to watch the free module. There's no pressure. You don't have to get the whole program. Just watch it. If you love it, grab the program. If not, it's just a free video for you. All right. I'll see you over there at getthefreetraining.com. Outro Music