Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): One of the MOST Important Qualities For Any Relationship To Last

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

There are many qualities that help keep a long-term relationship. When people typically think of things that matter in a relationship, they often list traits or things they like in an ideal partner: sexual chemistry, a sense of humor, intelligence, and kindness. But there are also essential qualities that pertain to how we actually relate to the person in front of us on a day-to-day level. In this clip, Matthew and Stephen explain one of the most underrated things you need that keeps a relationship working even when things get tough.  --- ►► Transform Your Relationship With Life in Just 6 Days Learn More About the Matthew Hussey Retreat at. . . → http://www.MHRetreat.com

It could be someone's little finger that they don't normally put that out there and it's just a little finger stroke and you go could this be a peace offering? Welcome everybody to the Love Life Podcast. I am Matthew Hussey and I believe today's episode is really going to help you accelerate your love life today. Check it out and I'll speak to you at the end of the episode. You know, there's that piece of relationship research that says that relationships need at least like a 5 or a 6 to 1, or it might be even more, positive to negative interactions.

Explain that real quick. You need at least 5 or 6 positive interactions for every one that might be negative. Because if you have too many negatives, deck stacked, and you just all you're feeling is like annoyance frustration pain what I find related to that is if there is a bad moment if there is someone is in a bad mood someone is having a bad day someone had a stressful

day you know they're not feeling great I'm all down with being supportive on that and that's great. But the recovery to me is very important that we can recover out of it in a good amount of time and that this isn't now the weekend that we had a little bit of a disagreement on Friday and now the weekend is the fallout. I've got a new concept for a video. Oh, go on. Let's make this video. Okay. Maybe, well, this could be the video.

So are you going to respond to that point or are you just hand-waving it? No, it's I'm listening. I'm listening to you. Okay. And it's giving me an idea. Right. All right. Here's a great relationship tip everyone want to know whether you're seeing someone right now or you're in a

relationship the same way that when we're trying to get fit for something what how do we measure cardiovascular fitness one of the ways is recovery time right we want to improve our recovery time improve your recovery time after arguments in a relationship work on your recovery time you know we why we always we talk about how do how do you stop arguments from happening and that's great but you can also improve your recovery time how quickly could we snap out of this right after we've had it because like you said a form of protest behavior is the silent treatment you've upset me now i'm gonna go quiet yeah and if it's like that's the whole weekend now we've now had three days fall out from one

little disagreement or you know a little bit of an argument now it's three days fallout from one little disagreement or, you know, a little bit of an argument. Now it's three days gone. That's a three-day recovery time. Right. Too much. All right. We normally have a three-day recovery time. Let's get it down to a day.

We have a day-long recovery time. Let's get it down. What if we could get it down to an hour? What if we could get our recovery time down to five minutes? And someone just said, how do you improve your recovery time? You break the normal pattern. What's the normal pattern of the aftermath of your arguments? Are you in bed together and you both roll over and turn the other way?

Right, you know that one. Oh, yeah. You both just roll over in the opposite direction i mean by the way not that i'm always in relationships with arguments just that if you've been in relationships you you know what you know what that is but in that moment you could say what do i normally do well i normally roll over so do they and there's now distance between us in bed well what's a modest think of recovery time in terms of, yes, you can, you want to break the pattern, do something different than what you normally do, but make

it a micro thing. Because here's the thing, rolling over and putting your arm around that person and saying, I love you. I'm sorry. Let's not argue. You can do that. That's a great pattern break, but it could feel like a lot. So maybe create a great pattern break but it's it could feel like a lot so maybe create a micro pattern break in that moment you reach over and you just put your hand on their shoulder and give them a little stroke or just stroke their hair and then and then they go what no i'm thinking back to a relationship where i've actually like it like we're just like i'll touch the back of each other's hand yeah just like that that was like the mildest form of making up but we just like white flag oh we touch back a little bit and it's like that's

what we're gonna get tonight we're gonna be okay it could be someone's little finger that they don't normally put that out there and it's just a little finger stroke and you go could this be a peace offering right but if we can be the one to offer that little peace offering just a tiny thing because here's the thing that millimeter shift can prompt a millimeter shift from them right they might may not all of a sudden roll over and and say oh my god i'm'm so glad that you're back with it. No, but they might just squeeze your hand back. And then you have a moment, a moment, and you keep building on those. That's how you increase your recovery time. Don't focus on making up. Focus on a micro pattern break that gives a one millimeter shift that gives them permission to make a one millimeter shift. Because if you get 10 of those, you're back in business again.

Improve your recovery time with everybody. If you're having a fight with your mom right now, or in general, improve your recovery time. If you're having a fight with your mum right now or in general improve your recovery time if you're having a fight with your sister your brother a colleague improve your recovery time how how many hours or days or minutes could you shave off of your recovery time yeah wouldn't we all live better lives if we could do that before you go today i have something for you if this year is the year you want to meet your person it is a free training i did called dating with results that shows you how to avoid the early mistakes that people make in dating finally meet your person and get the safety and the commitment that you deserve with them. Go to Dating With Results to watch that free training right now. I'll see you next time. Bye.