Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): The Thing You Must Do When You Meet Someone You Like...

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

Don't "jump the gun" and get ahead of yourself just because you meet someone you like. If you fall hard for people too early, this message from Matt is for you... --- Join our Love Life Club and become a VIP member where you'll get access to live coaching sessions and our community of thousands of amazing women. Go to ASKMH.com and sign up today. --- Email us! You can get in touch with the show and give your feedback/thoughts at [e-mail] --- ►► FREE guide to download: “3 Secrets To Love” → 3SecretsToLove.com

People aren't even enjoying the thing when it's in front of them because they're so afraid it's going to go away and if it does go away I could spend another year or years waiting for the next great thing to come along because there's so few of them out there. what's up everybody it's matthew hussey here with the love life podcast if you get stuck in your own head and can't relax when you meet someone you like, this episode is for you. Check it out and don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes. All right, let's get into the episode. I think we have a slight problem right now of a scarcity mindset. I read these comments from people talking about their level of disillusionment, feelings that even if they did leave the house to go and meet people, you know, there's no good people out there anyway, or living in

this place of either numbness or fear, this sense that nothing good is going to happen. There's a side effect to this scarcity. Even when we meet someone we like, that's the crazy part. You would think that, you know, this scarcity is just about never meeting anyone you like, but it's actually worse than that. Because now I feel like when people do meet someone they like, they can't even enjoy it because they're so afraid it's going to go away. And if it does go away, I could spend another year or years waiting for the next great thing to come along because there's so few of them out there. People aren't even enjoying the thing when it's in front of them because they're terrified.

We get these feelings of desperation that we don't want it to go away. We don't want this person to now leave us or get unattracted to us. So we're now trying to say everything right and we're trying to make sure nothing goes wrong with it. We start to worry about, you know, controlling what they're doing. Where are they right now? Who are they with? Could they be with someone else? Should I be okay with them going on that boy's night or that weekend trip? We get competitive with that person because our egos can't take it. We're afraid of a good thing happening for them because what if that takes them away from me? You know, that job opportunity they've got, that exciting thing that's good for them. We're afraid to encourage it because we want to keep things safe. We don't want to lose them. This is a good thing. I have learned that it's precisely when the stakes are the highest that we have to be prepared to let go.

Letting go doesn't count when the stakes are low, but when the stakes are high, when it feels important, when you're more in love than you've ever been. When you like someone more than anyone you've liked in a really long time. It feels counterintuitive because when you find someone that you're like, God, this is the best person I've ever met. This is, you know, this feels like it could be the thing. It feels like that's the one we have to hang on to tightly. But it's precisely when the stakes are the highest that we have to be prepared to let go. Not trying, I'm not talking about not trying.

I'm talking about trying, but from a place of strength and confidence. Having the confidence to encourage space, having the confidence to say, you should go and do that thing. That job sounds like an amazing opportunity, you should take it. You may be asking how do you let go when something's that important to me? How do I have that faith? How do I let go?

The faith, for me at least, comes from knowing that you have a world of your own, that you have a center of gravity that lives with you, not with the relationship, not with the person, but with you. That you are fulfilled and happy and excited about life, independent of this person. That your life will not only survive, but thrive. That is where your power comes from. And the reason that I've spent now 10 years running a retreat program alongside all of my love life programs is because I understand how powerful that center of gravity is when it comes to your love life. Because if you don't have it, anyone can come along and rock you. And they for sure will, especially when it's someone you really fall for. It will rock you.

And it will either do it in a good way or it will do it in a horrible, tortuous, anxious way where you are constantly fearful, constantly looking over your shoulder at what's going to happen. Fear of abandonment, jealousy, competitiveness, overanalyzing. Now you have to be honest with yourself because if you feel great when something like that happens and you feel that sense of I'm able to let go, I feel powerful, I feel confident, I feel happy in every way, none of these things affect me, then good for you, more power to you. But if you are honest with yourself

and you look at that situation and you go, I know there is a kind of internal suffering. I may not show it to him, but there's a kind of internal suffering that I experience in these situations because I haven't figured this piece out for myself, then I want you to amazing in your own skin. I have an amazing community of women in my Love Life Club, which you can join for a 14-day free trial by going to askmh.com.

We have live coaching, masterminds, amazing guests, and an incredible community of women. Come join us for a free trial at askmh.com.