Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): Top 5 Reasons Why They Disappear On You

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

It’s so annoying. You finally decide you like someone. You tell your friends how excited you are. You even allow yourself to imagine them as “future life partner” material. And then suddenly...they start fading out. They stops calling… They become colder in conversation… They don’t step up and commit… It’s like the universe knows when you’ve met an amazing person, and decides to dangle them just out of reach. Whyyyyy? In this week’s episode, I reveal the top 5 reasons why they disappear so you never have to wonder why someone pulls away again... ►► Pre-Order My New Book, "Love Life" at → http://www.LoveLifeBook.com   ►► Deep down, if you know there’s something missing in your love life, your career, or your personal life. GOOD NEWS - I have a proven method to transform your life in just 6 short days with me → http://www.MHRetreat.com

Just because somebody's ideal on paper, it doesn't mean they're ideal for you. Those are very different things. It's a non sequitur. He has great qualities. He's right for me. No, that's a huge jump. I know what happens. You go for months, maybe even years, without meeting someone you're truly attracted to. And then out of nowhere, a guy comes along who you find yourself drawn to on every level. But after an initial attraction, this guy disappears. He stops being

responsive, he goes cold and you're left wondering why this depressing scenario took place. Why isn't the guy you want interested in you? Here are five possible reasons. Number one, instead of falling for the real person, you've fallen for an ideal. This means that you have a guy in front of you who has great qualities. Maybe you bond intellectually. Maybe he likes art and you like art. You like the same movies. You find him very attractive. And because he has a few qualities you really like, you start to paint this picture of him as being ideal. And it's one of the most dangerous things you can do. Because just because somebody's ideal on paper, it doesn't mean they're

ideal for you. Those are very different things. It's a non sequitur. He has great qualities. He's right for me. No, that's a huge jump. In the middle there is the whole part where he chooses you, where he says, yes, I want a relationship with you. I know what I want in life and it's you. When that part isn't there, he cannot be ideal. Number two, you don't keep up your standards with the guys you like. Look, it's easy to have standards when you don't care if somebody leaves. But when you really want someone, that's when you start bending over backwards to please them. And I see women everywhere giving extenuating circumstances to guys that they like. We have to maintain our standards around the people we want.

Especially around the people we want. Because when a guy sees you maintaining standards around him, that's what makes you attractive. That's what makes you desirable. He knows that around you, he has to raise his game. So I want you to remember something that my boxing trainer, Martin Snow, told me. Five plus five is always 10. Boxing is called the sweet science, and for a reason. All right, there's logic to it, there's rules to it,

there's a science to it. Five plus five always equals 10. It never varies. Five plus five does not equal 11. No matter how good looking a guy may be, stick to your game plan, execute the game plan, you'll be a success. So however a guy behaves, five plus five is always 10.

A guy's abusive, five plus five is 10. You don't need to sit there analyzing it and dissecting it, you leave. When a guy tells you he's not sure what he wants or he doesn't want a relationship with you, five plus five is always 10. It's never 11. It doesn't matter if the guy's good looking.

It doesn't matter if you really connect with him on the deepest level. It doesn't matter if on paper he's everything you want. Five plus five is always ten. When he does this, you do this. Number three, you obsess over your behavior too much. I know women that constantly analyze what they did on a date, what they're doing now, what they should text a guy.

Now, I'm big into reading situations. I'm big into reading situations. I'm big into human dynamics. My entire career is built on understanding people and the ways that we should react. But once we know how to react, that's when to put the problem down. I'm here to help you replace your instincts with training because that's a really important thing to do in life. Think about how a riptide works. When you're out to sea and you get caught in a riptide, your instinct is to swim against it to try and get back to shore. But if you do that, it's more powerful than you. You'll lose your energy and you'll get swept out further. Instead, you have to swim parallel. You have to go sideways until you get out of it. And then you can swim back to the shore.

We have to rely not on instincts, but on training. And the same is true in dating. When I give you scripts to text messages, when I tell you the exact thing to say back to a guy, I don't do that so that you obsess for the rest of your life about every little text message you send. I say it so you can stop obsessing. I say it so that you know the answer to five plus five. Hey, it's 10. Now stop thinking about this shit. Send the text and go and live your life. Number four, you move too quickly. Another problematic side effect of liking someone too much is that you want to rush through the stages to get closer to

them. But that doesn't allow courtship to take place. I'm not talking about how quickly you sleep with someone or any of that stuff. All I'm talking about is how much you invest and how soon. When you over invest too quickly, a guy worries that he hasn't actually earned his place in your life. And if someone doesn't feel like they earned something, they don't value it the same way. And lastly, number five, because you're choosing unavailable men. Now I get it. Short term, there are rewards to choosing unavailable men. It could be fun.

It could be exciting. You can even have a beautiful love story with someone in the short term. But it doesn't mean long-term happiness is coming your way if deep inside you know that these people are unavailable. I want you to choose long-term happiness with someone who's going to give you the world, not short-term gratification with someone

who just sees you as a chapter in their life. No amount of effort with the wrong man is going to lead to your happiness. And when you do find someone who's right for you, you need to go against certain instincts, follow the stages of attraction and allow it to unfold and create itself in an organic way or you could end up suffocating something before it's even begun thanks for listening and before you go if it is a priority for you this year to find your person.

I have a practical roadmap for you in a free training I did called Dating With Results. It's a 60-minute training. It is helping so many people right now who are going through it. And you can be one of them by going to datingwithresults.com. I'll see you over there and enjoy the training you