Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): Want Them To Open Up? Use These Words…

Episode Date: February 3, 2023

Find it annoying when your partner doesn't open up and share with you? Then check out this short clip where I show you the simple but amazing power of "pre-framing" to get more of the behavior you wan...t them (or anyone!) to show.  --- >> ​Learn The 5 Heartfelt Techniques That Help Men Open Up To You. Go to MatthewHussey.co/GetHimToTalk

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Starting point is 00:00:01 And what guy doesn't want to feel sexy? If I can relate sexy to vulnerability for you, then I'm going to make vulnerability much easier for you. what's up guys matthew here have you ever been really close to someone but you feel like they don't open up to you in this clip i share a technique that you can use to help someone else get more vulnerable and show more of their inner self to you in conversation. Check it out. Use a technique called pre-framing. If you wanted to have someone take you to see a movie, pre-framing would be, this is a very simple example, but pre-framing would be saying to someone,
Starting point is 00:01:03 I just love when someone offers to take me to the movies because movies are my joy. That's my home. That's my place that I go to feel happy. Now someone knows, okay, if I want to take you to a happy place, I need to ask you to see a movie. Very simple example, but let's now take it into the world of vulnerability You can pre frame by letting a guy know that When either people in general open up you find it incredibly attractive or even more specifically when men feel like they can
Starting point is 00:01:43 When men are brave enough or confident enough to talk about language you're framing it in terms that he wants to see himself as he wants to see himself as brave he wants to see himself as confident so you're now framing up vulnerability as brave and confident when men are confident enough to be honest about a vulnerability they have an you don't even need to use the word vulnerability when they're brave enough to show they're insecure about something and to just be open about that, I think that is one of the most courageous things
Starting point is 00:02:32 in the world. Like to me, that's even sexy. You know, that's actually a sexy thing when a guy can do that, because guys don't do that. Now you're even adding the word sexy, right? And what guy doesn't want to feel sexy? If I can relate sexy
Starting point is 00:02:45 to vulnerability for you, then I'm going to make vulnerability much easier for you. And by the way, this has to be real. Like this is, this is the part that, you know, some people listening to this will be saying, oh, but I don't want to manipulate someone. It's not a negative form of manipulation if it's true, if it's authentic, but it has to be true for you. Ladies, you have to get there first. You have to actually believe that it is attractive for a guy to do that. And I'll deal with that, the psychology of that in a moment. Of course, men, if you're making space for other guys to do this, you're not going to necessarily say, I find it sexy when you do that. Unless you do find it sexy when another guy does that, but you're not going to say that. You're simply going to make space by saying when men
Starting point is 00:03:36 can do that, like when us guys can do that, that's true confidence. That's true courage. The second technique is simply to reverse the time period of this so that you're not future projecting it and pre-framing it in that way, but you're actually past referencing. You reference a moment where he has done it in the past. I love when you open up to me. That to me is one of the most attractive parts of you. I actually find it sexy.
Starting point is 00:04:08 You know, I remember when you opened up to me about very specific, insert very specific situation here, that moment when you felt insecure about this and you told me about that, that was, that made me feel so close to you. That made me feel so connected to you. That's like a reminder that you're my man because I get let into a world that other people don't. Like that's so attractive to me. Like that's what makes you my man is that I get to know those things about you.
Starting point is 00:04:40 I've just find that, I found that such an attractive moment. Now you're past referencing something that's already happened and using that as a way to create more of it in the future. Now, technique number three is about the energy that you bring when someone does tell you something that is, breaks the rhythm of the depth they normally operate at. Maybe just a moment of frustration where they feel like they're not heard and then finally they say something that they haven't said before. It's really important in those moments the level of calm that you bring to the situation. In coaching, I've been coaching now for 13 years, one of the most important things I've learned
Starting point is 00:05:30 is that when someone comes with emotion, to strike the right balance between being very much present with them in that moment, in that emotion, being absolutely there, but not, firstly, not showing fear. Fear is a dangerous thing to bring to someone in that moment because I'm not, now I'm not creating a safe environment for you to be vulnerable. I'm showing that now this is, oh my God, I didn't, that scares me that you feel that way. That scares me that you're dealing with that.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Now someone doesn't feel safe to do that because they can't trust that you can handle their truth, if you want to call it that, or their emotion, what's going on in their mind. They can't trust that you're strong enough to hold that space. And imagine if someone was in an event with me and one of my audience stood up and began crying,
Starting point is 00:06:27 and immediately I showed that I was startled by that and didn't quite know how to handle it, that the confidence of that audience in me would be lost. They now wouldn't be able to trust that I can safely hold this space for their vulnerability. So now they're far less likely as an audience to keep moving into that vulnerable territory. I have to show how confident and in control I am in that moment.
Starting point is 00:06:57 Thanks for listening, everyone. And if you want a free chapter from one of my programs, go to getthefreechapter.com. I'll see you next time.

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