Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): Was Breaking Up With Him The Right Decision?

Episode Date: September 16, 2022

You decided it’s time to break up. And now you’re single again. But for some reason you don’t feel at peace. You’re still haunted by that eternal question: Did I make a HUGE mistake? Even if it was YOU who decided to call off a relationship, at some point you’re always going to get that horrible feeling inside of you that questions your decision to dump someone. Your friends and family say it’s for the best. But maybe they don’t really know. Plus, there was that one friend who advised you to give things another try with this guy and now you’re even more lost and confused! In this clip, I’m going to show you an easy way to tell whether you made the right choice, and personally guide you out of this anxiety and indecision with simple but powerful change in mindset, so that you feel confident in your feelings and can let a relationship go in peace. Believe me, I know myself how easy it is to get stuck in this place for months only to come out of it and wonder why you wasted so much of your precious time worrying. --- My 30-Day Confidence Challenge is back by popular demand! There's still time to claim your place on this FREE training taking place September 27th. Simply visit MHChallenge.com to sign up. --- Email us! You can get in touch with the show and give your feedback/thoughts at [e-mail]

It's perfectly possible to feel an enormous amount of pain after the relationship, but that pain doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. Welcome to the Love Life Podcast. It's me, Matthew Hussey. Enjoy this classic clip from our archives. And if you want to let me know what you think or how this podcast is helping you, don't forget to leave me a review on iTunes under the Love Life podcast. Enjoy. For anyone out there who has let someone go, who has ended a relationship and is questioning whether they have made the right decision, the first thing I'll say is this. There are usually 20 reasons we could list about why someone might be wrong for us. We could list out their bad habits. We could list out things that are frustrating us in the relationship. But normally,

the reason we're leaving someone boils down to one or two simple truths. And focusing on those truths is what will allow us to be reassured in our decision. For example, I was talking to a woman recently and she could probably list many reasons that she wasn't gonna be with this person long term, but the fundamental one was that she felt like she was giving a lot more to the relationship than he was. The problem is that when we do end it, there's so much fear that enters our body at that moment.

And in the following weeks and months we begin to question our decision. Not because the reasons for breaking up with that person were wrong but the fear begins to overshadow those reasons and we begin to question ourselves and say, did I really make the right decision? Maybe I should have given them another chance. Maybe I ended it prematurely. Maybe I'm being too fussy and I shouldn't be expecting that person to change that thing. But if you knew at the time

Fundamentally, there was a reason you had to end it in that relationship Understand that it's perfectly possible to feel an enormous amount of pain after the relationship But that pain doesn't mean you made the wrong decision it can trick us sometimes when we get lonely enough and when we get scared enough of Being alone of not finding anyone better not finding that person that we said we'd find who would ultimately meet our standards That's when we begin saying maybe I was wrong. Because our logic fades and what happens is we begin to put a halo around the relationship. We begin to glamorize or romanticize the relationship and we forget our reasons, our fundamental reasons that were there at the time.

The reasons that were a big enough impetus for us to leave in the first place, which is no small thing. Now there's also the noise of the people around us, because there's internal noise, there's all of my fear, but then there's what people say. There are plenty of people around you who when you're really suffering after a breakup, when you're crying and questioning whether you've done the right thing and you're in a really bad place, those people, even the ones that care about you they don't want you to be this upset they don't want you to be sad in this way it won't be long before they start questioning well you don't have to do this you know maybe you could give it

another go you know you sure that you do want to leave they won't say in the beginning because most of the time our friends and family They start by honoring or validating the decision we've made But if they see us really really upset their fear of us being even more upset over time can leave them to say well you know, you don't have to leave. You could go back. And it's at that moment where we get really confused

because now we really start to question ourselves. Beware the noise that comes from within, the internal fears that make you question yourself that have nothing to do with whether that person was right for you are just primal fears that we feel after a breakup and be wary of the external confusion the noise that comes from without from the people that care about us who just want us to be happy and sometimes think the easiest route for us to be happy is just to be back with that

person it's the comfortable route to go back to beware of both that internal and external confusion because very often it's not real. It's not real. It's not coming from a place of this person is actually right for me and I've made a terrible mistake. It's coming from fear and from scarcity. And knowing that is very, very important. See, I can't take away the pain of missing someone overnight. I can't stop you being sad that there's someone in your life that meant something to you that you've decided to walk away from. But if there's one thing that makes that pain worse, it's questioning our decision at the same time. Not just missing someone, but saying, did I actually do the right thing?

And if I can do one thing for you in this video uh it's reassure you that if you knew that your reasons or your reason your main reason for leaving was that important and that fundamental to what you want which i find very often it is then i can at least help you be at peace with that decision and not continuously question it. You can be in pain, you can be afraid, you can be hurt, you can miss that person like crazy, you can be crazy jealous of them being with somebody else,

you can feel all of those things. It doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. Pain isn't always a sign that we did something wrong It can just be a sign that this is a period where we need to grow and we need to overcome a few obstacles So don't let it confuse you Don't let it deter you from the path that you know is right and always at all costs Resist the path that's most comfortable But leads you somewhere ultimately that you don't

want to go and is going to end in far more pain than if you just choose the path of growth right now. I hope you enjoyed that episode. Before you go, feel free to join me for live coaching on your biggest dating questions by going to askmh.com. This is where you can sign up for a 14-day free trial to my members club, the Love Life Club. If you want coaching from me, if you want to be in an exclusive group of people that works with me every month on their confidence and their love lives, this is the place where we do it. Go to askmh.com to become a part of it. Bye.