Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind) What It Takes To Have Romance In Your Relationship

Episode Date: October 6, 2023

 It's time to talk romance. What it is, and how to get it. Is it something you're born with? Or something you can learn?  Join us as we talk about the kind of romance that matters in relationships and holds them together long-term.  --- Follow Matt: @thematthewhussey Follow Stephen: @stephenhhussey --- ►► Transform Your Relationship With Life in 6 Magical Days. Learn More About The Matthew Hussey Retreat at. . . . → http://www.MHRetreat.com

Ask yourself, like, have I created a moment with someone this week? Just make a moment, because those are the things you actually remember. You don't remember the majority of every day. hey everybody matthew hussey here with the love life podcast excited for you to hear the episode today let's get into it i think of romance as more of something this doesn't sound romantic as i say it but you can almost think of it as a habit that you can cultivate like not something you just are like you're just being a chivalrous knight and i think this with a lot of traits really like flirtation or romance do you think they're they're just kind of practices we can learn?

Yeah. Well, yeah. It's just romance is really good. It's listening, isn't it? It's listening to what people like or want to experience or enjoy in life and then creating a world where they get more of that. And romance is just going out of your way to create a moment or an experience for someone. The reason why in that last video, the first one, and this was Jameson's suggestion, I should say, was surprise dessert delivery. And the reason I said, hey, don't just do that on a Friday night. Do it on a night where they wouldn't normally expect something like that. Do it on a Monday night where you've both cooked,

you're tired from work, and it's a moment. You're creating a moment. So much of life is about creating a moment. Always ask yourself, what could make this a moment? Because we're not remembering the average hour in the day. I mean, honestly, ask most people what they did last weekend. They can't tell you very quickly. They're like, oh, I mean, I'm not sure. So unless it doesn't mean you have to live your life trying to create moments every hour, but ask yourself, have I created a moment with someone this week? Whether it's a

partner, a family member, a friend, just make a moment because those are the things you actually remember. You don't remember the majority of every day. And romance to me is good listening because the kind of moments you create for someone are born out of listening to the kinds of things they really love or the things that they want to experience more of. And it's making a decision, a conscious decision that I'm going to create more moments. That part isn't always spontaneous. Spontaneity is born out of a decision to create more moments.

It looks spontaneous to the other person, but you've consciously decided I'm going to create more moments. It looks spontaneous to the other person, but you've consciously decided, I'm going to create more moments for us. Yeah. It makes me think of that study that came out a while ago that talked about how so many great relationships were a result of frequency of positive to negative interactions, and that great relationships had some frequency of something like five or six positive interactions to every one negative one like complaining or a disagreement and you know you can almost boil it down to it's not how we think of things it's almost like you know we there are there are peak moments that get a lot of attention in life, the big success, the big win, the time you got the job, the romantic trip.

But a relationship has a lot of moments and a lot of time in it. And it is almost really, really you want the chart to have these constant little spikes throughout the day, throughout the weeks, and that builds the connection, the feeling of affection, and keeps it at a constant. I agree. I feel like most people, in some cases, they go like, let it trail off and off and off and down, and then hope for a massive spike with some big gesture at some point. You can't rely on the spikes because it may not be enough to overcome whatever damage you do the rest of the time or however the relationship slowly meanders into mediocrity for the rest of the year. And then you think you're going to suddenly dwarf that by some grandiose moment.

But I don't see it like that. Great relationships are an accumulation of little efforts over time. And the more you do it, the more you don't have to do the big grand things are a nice bonus, but you don't have to do them because your partner or your friend or your lover or whatever is aware of what a lovely, kind, considerate, interesting person you are the rest of the time. It's the same as going to the gym. It's like how you think you're like, are we going to get a great body? Because one day we do a really hard gym session. No, it's just every day, do the reps, do the reps in your relationship.

Why is it that that is seen as a weird thing? Like anything to do with practice in your love life instantly has a connotation of that's something weird, that's too optimizing, that's too analytical. But people don't think about that about nearly anything else. I'll tell you why, Steve. None of us like to think that they are in some way programming our emotions or clinically designing our relationship with them. It doesn't fit the fairytale view of things are just amazing between us. And it also makes us question someone's motives. But if your motives are just to make something great and the reason that you're pouring attention

into a relationship into how i please my partner into how i can be a more attractive person if the reason is because you want to be your best for someone that's about as romantic as it gets i listen i actually truly understand both sides of the coin none of us want to be on the receiving end of someone we feel like is using a tactic on us. But that's just in all it is, is intention. That's all it is. It's all intention. And if your intentions are good and you get better at your people skills over time, then there's nothing wrong with that. It's just about being more effective. If your intentions are bad, that's on you. Yeah.

I put down three, just on this subject of romance, I put down three things, you know, if I thought like three things that make you more romantic in general. And I think it's like uninhibited is one, like being more willing to wear your heart on your sleeve and say the thing you're feeling in the moment. Make the moment, like you say, you're feeling something in the moment. Put it out there and say it.

Take the risk. I think second is paying attention. Like you say, a lot of your examples are about just being really not just a good listener, but then doing a bit of action based on that. That shows that extra level of, I listened and I've got you something really cool. I've done something thoughtful. And then the third is spontaneous giving, unexpected moments and not just waiting for the occasion. did called dating with results is a 60 minute training. It is helping so many people right now who are going through it. And you can be one of them by going to dating with results.com. When you sign up, you get a two day free pass to watch the training. So just make sure you diarize it so

you don't miss your window and go there. Now dating with results.com is the link. I'll see you over there and enjoy there now. Datingwithresults.com is the link. I'll see you over there and enjoy the training.