Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): When You Feel Alone After Heartbreak (3 Secrets To Moving On)

Episode Date: December 20, 2024

When you get your heart broken, who do you turn to for advice? Family? Friends? Trawling around Reddit forums to see what other fellow sufferers have to say about your pain? All of this may help. Maybe. It struck me recently how we’re never really taught how to move on from the agony of losing someone we love. And if we’re not careful, following the behavior of the people around us can make us feel even worse. So. . . let’s pause. Take a breath. Get our s**t together again. It’s nearly 2025. Maybe you’re missing someone right now as the holidays roll around. But now is not the time to mourn. Now is the time to truly begin your healing and put yourself back together before next year begins. Here’s what you need to know to finally move on. . . --- ►► Ask Matthew AI Your Biggest Dating Question for Free Now at. . . → http://www.AskMH.com ►► Order My New Book, "Love Life" at → http://www.LoveLifeBook.com ►► FREE Video Training: “Dating With Results” → http://www.DatingWithResults.com

There isn't one person who is solely capable of fulfilling the role of the one in your life. Hey everybody, it's Matthew Hussey with the Love Life Podcast. I am excited to share this clip with you today. Let's get into it. We are at a time of year where it can be particularly painful to be alone and it can be really painful to be alone when we've lost someone that somewhere in our mind we had as the person we were supposed to be with. That pain can be made even worse if we think that the reason the relationship didn't work was because of something we did. Maybe we were too anxious, maybe we were too insecure, too controlling, too jealous, too stressed. When you feel like that,

it's dangerous because now you can torture yourself with guilt, shame, constant self-judgment, self-blame, self-loathing, and that puts you on a loop. And the loop is if I'd only done it this way, I still would have that person. If I'd only been this way, if I'd only stopped doing that thing, that person would still be in my life. And I am to blame for the fact that I am now alone and missing the person I was supposed to be with.

It's a circle. It doesn't go anywhere. It doesn't take you anywhere practical or productive. It doesn't get someone back. It doesn't help you do the work to move on, to be better, to eradicate some of our negative behaviors, to become stronger, more empowered, more confident.

It just keeps you exactly where you are, going crazy inside your own mind. I have three things that I want to say to you today that I'm hoping can be a pressure valve for those horrible toxic feelings that keep you in that place. The first thing I want to say is don't assume that if you had only done things differently, that relationship would have been perfect and would have lasted forever. Because that's an assumption. You don't always know the real reasons why someone has decided to break up with you. They give you their reasons, but we can't always take those at face value. They often give us the most convenient reasons, the reasons that are easy for them to say. Meanwhile, we go away thinking that

was 100% of why they broke up with us. And we think for the rest of our lives, that's the thing we have to focus on and change, but they don't give us the whole picture. So very often we're basing all of our assumptions around a convenient truth for them. We also have to remember that if we had been better in the relationship, if we had been stronger, that would have changed the dynamic of the relationship. And sometimes when you get stronger, when you get more confident, when you bring more to the relationship, it reveals more weaknesses in the other person. Maybe they become intimidated. Maybe they become afraid of your personal power. Maybe you start demanding more because you feel more confident and you feel entitled to more in the relationship and that exposes how little they're really willing to give.

So we have to be very careful in thinking that had I been different, everything would have been wonderful. That's not necessarily true. Number two, what if that relationship needed to go wrong for you to fulfill your full potential? Because we do not change when we're comfortable. We change when we feel genuine stakes, genuine consequences. This relationship, this pain that you're feeling, as difficult as it may be to hear, could be one of the greatest gifts you've ever received. Not just for yourself, but for your future relationship. Because the person you ultimately end up with is going to benefit from this suffering that you're going through now because you're gonna bring a kinder, more compassionate, more confident you to the table next time if this pain gets you to do the work.

And look, before that makes you feel too much like you had to sacrifice this incredible thing in your life in order to get the change that you want. Let me make point number three. There isn't one person who is solely capable of fulfilling the role of the one in your life. There are 7 billion people on this planet. You were fortunate to have met one of the people that you created a deep bond with and a relationship that was good enough that you can grieve over it in this way. But that doesn't mean there aren't many more of them out there. They are waiting for you. And the only way to guarantee that you never experience any of those

other lifetimes available to you is to stay in that loop of self blame and judgment and shame and guilt look there are two skills that I see over and over again in people that lead happy and successful lives. And that is not that they avoid pain. It's because everyone goes through pain. Everyone goes through suffering. It's that they have this ability to forgive themselves for things that they've done wrong, for weaknesses, for mistakes they've made,

and the ability to reframe any situation and turn it into a gift, turn it into something positive. I hope, especially in this holiday season, that you will find time to look back on this year and forgive yourself for the ways that you screwed up this year, the weak moments, the mistakes, and that even if you fucked up this year in a whole bunch of ways, even if you fucked the whole year up, you're able to look back on it and say, you know what? Even that's a good thing. That's reframing. Even that's a good thing because me screwing that up, me making all those mistakes, that's the foundation of what I'm about to do next. That's the motivation for what I'm about to do next. Forgive and reframe.

Two valuable, valuable skills and they are an art form and the more we practice it, the better we get. Thanks for listening, everybody. Before you go, if you haven't already watched my masterclass, my free masterclass, Dating With Results, go check it out. It is a one-hour free training, my most popular free training of all time. Over a million people have now been through this. That's literally over a million people have now been through this. That's literally

over a million people have now been through this. And if you haven't seen it, it is packed with advice on how you can start making real progress in your love life this year. Go over to dating with results.com to watch that right now. As I said, it's completely free. You can be watching it in the next 30 seconds and you're missing out if you don't see it. So go to datingwithresults.com. I'll see you in the next episode. Be well and love life. Thank you.