Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): Why Men “Love Bomb” and What You Can Do About It

Episode Date: December 15, 2023

Have you ever had someone come into your life, dazzle you with their initial investment and attention, only to disappear as fast as they came? This phenomenon has been nicknamed “Love Bombing,” and it can be very painful, especially when you were led to believe it was going somewhere. You may be asking yourself why someone would do this. In this week’s rewind episode I’ll show you… My hope is that this episode will not only give you a sense of closure, but also help you to move past the heartache you are feeling right now if this has happened to you. I also show you how to avoid it in the future. ►► Try My Love Life VIP Coaching for FREE. To Learn More and Ask Me Your Question… → JoinLoveLife.com

They say a lot of lovely things, they're very charming, they make a lot of promises and then can't live up to those promises because it was never about building something, it was always about feeling something. Hey everybody, Matthew Hussey here with the Love Life Podcast. Excited for you to hear the episode today. Let's get into it. Why do men love bomb? I got asked this question on one of our recent Love Life webinars. Why do guys come in, get you attracted, make you fall in love, give you compliments, make promises, and then ghost you? Love bombing is an interesting concept and it's one that's

worth understanding more about. Why do guys do this? Well, firstly, they do it because they're insecure, right? Because they don't feel enough unless they're making someone fall in love with them. That they need someone to have an image of them that's so wonderful and reflected back to them so that they can feel like, oh, okay, I can breathe. Look, someone's falling in love with me. Someone thinks I'm amazing. Now I guess I am amazing. Someone thinks it.

And of course, in order to make you feel this, they say a lot of lovely things. They're very charming. They make a lot of promises and then can't live up to those promises because it was never about building something. It was always about feeling something. Of course, the person on the receiving end

becomes the collateral damage for this need that a person has. Now, firstly, don't beat yourself up because you feel all of this for this person. This person actually sold you on that image. They said things and did things to lead you down a certain path to make you feel something and then disappeared. You're not crazy for feeling something. And you're

not crazy for feeling something really intense because what the love bomber does is present the most intensely fantastic picture of themselves. They put forward a version of themselves that is kind of like the version of themselves that people put out on Instagram. You know, you see these Instagram profiles where people look perfect in every single photograph. How is that? They're choosing a certain filter or a certain angle or certain lighting that always makes them look a certain way. People do that in their love lives when they love bomb people. But in order to reduce our pain in this moment when someone disappears, we have to walk back the image that we have of that person. We have to begin to create a more sober image of a person, a person that we are looking

back on and convincing ourselves was the great love we lost when really that feeling, the intensity of that feeling is based on an image that would be extraordinarily difficult for someone to live up to over a longer period of time. I even think there's not just in the case of someone who maybe love bombed you after a few weeks or months, but let's say someone who was with you for nine months or a year in a kind of honeymoon phase of a relationship and then they left.

We're in danger of forever comparing every long-term relationship we have with that person that we were with for nine months and seemed incredible. But what we didn't see is what that person that we were with for nine months and seemed incredible. But what we didn't see is what that person was like over two years or five years or a lifetime of marriage. So it actually becomes incredibly unfair to compare someone that we're with for many years to the glamour and the shine of someone that we were with for nine months. What can we do about this? Firstly, be aware of anyone who seems to be giving you

an unjustified amount of love, attention, compliments, making promises that don't seem earned in a very short period of time. It doesn't mean that someone doesn't mean them. It just means that those things are very much unproven right now. It could be that it turns out to be real and that that's the person you end up with.

But what we have to do is even when someone else is trying to go at this rapid pace, and even if we're enjoying that rapid pace, at the very least, internally, we have to modify our expectations until time proves those things to be real. Because someone delivering on those intentions through their actions over time is what lends gravitas to those early compliments and promises. If you're enjoying this and you want to go deeper and you're like, this is the material I need. This is the content I need to start to really help me in my love life. And if

you want to do that with me, the Love Life Club is where I do it. We have masterclasses, interviews with other experts, not just me, live sessions every month where I actually coach you and answer questions live in real time. It's an incredible space to be. You also get an amazing community of people that are on the journey with you. You can sign up to a free trial by going to joinlovelife.com and come join us in something that can actually really move you forward in a structured way.