Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): Why You’re Attracted to People Who Don’t Want You

Episode Date: May 20, 2022

Do you ever find yourself getting attracted to people who are unavailable (emotionally or otherwise)? Treat you poorly? Or simply aren’t interested in you? Why does this happen? Why do we conveniently keep getting attracted to the least convenient people? It can be deeply frustrating, especially when there might be someone who does like us but who we just don’t want. In this video, I explain two fundamental reasons why this keeps happening. At the end of this video, I give you a practical “mind trick” you can do on yourself to change this... Learn the 2 mistakes that keep you from meeting the right person... --- Let's Create Magic in Your Life, Together. Join Me In-Person for the Return of The Matthew Hussey Retreat (May 30th - June 5th) → http://www.MHRetreat.com --- Email us! You can get in touch with the show and give your feedback/thoughts at [e-mail] --- ►► FREE guide to download: “3 Secrets To Love” → 3SecretsToLove.com

They treat it like, well, if you want me, there must be something wrong with you. You don't want me? Then you must be on to something. Hey everyone, it's Matthew Hussey with the Love Life Podcast. I wanted to share this important idea with you today. I think you're really going to love it. So check it out and let me know what you think. Have you ever found yourself attracted to the wrong person? What is the wrong person what is the wrong person well the wrong person could be someone who doesn't notice us or frankly doesn't

even care that we exist it could be someone who is treating us badly someone who's toxic it could be someone who's simply not prepared to invest on the level that we are but why do we fall for this kind of person? There are two answers to this. One is perspective, the other is self-esteem. Let's start with perspective. Sometimes we find someone who appears to be hard to get, uniquely challenging. And because they're uniquely challenging, we immediately attribute a value to them based on a kind of cerebral supply and demand economics. If they're not available, they must be worth more. And that's why when people come to me and say, Matt, why am I always attracted to the people I can't have, but the people that want me, I'm never attracted to.

Very often when someone wants us we think they're abundant. Oh they'll always be there. When someone doesn't want us we think I must have them. They're rare and valuable. This is a fallacy. We should honor the fact that someone likes us. That's not enough reason for us to be with them but we shouldn't take it for granted that someone is both available and interested in us because they may not be interested in us three months from now when they start crushing on somebody else. Also on the issue of perspective, when someone is mysterious or difficult to get, we often assign qualities to them that they don't really have. It's kind of like going to a VIP nightclub

and being rejected at the door because your name isn't on the important list of people. We suddenly imagine all of the bacchanalian delights that must be going on inside that venue. What are they doing in there? It must be amazing. They must be very important when in fact it's a lot of try-hard people drinking overpriced vodka at tables this is what a false sense of scarcity does it predisposes us to the illusion now let's deal with self-esteem groucho marx once said i wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member now this is funny but when applied to our love lives, it's deeply tragic. Many people don't want to belong to a relationship that would have them as a member.

They treat it like, well if you want me, there must be something wrong with you. You don't want me? Then you must be on to something. This of course is predicated on the idea that we ourselves are not worthy. So we chase after people that we think are out of our league or hard to get or not paying us any attention because if we could just get them and align ourselves with that person, then maybe we'll be enough by being with them. And in pursuit of this person,

we allow all manner of bad behavior towards ourselves because we're playing a serf who's trying to please some imagined God. Anytime you find yourself either being attracted to someone who doesn't want you or somebody who's treating you poorly, here's a simple practical self-love technique you can do for your own mind. Imagine someone that you truly love. Your sister, your brother, your mother, your child, your best friend, and think about what treatment they deserve. How would you allow someone to treat them? Once you have your answer, turn that inward and make a decision not to accept any less than that treatment for yourself.

Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Before you go, if you have even 30 seconds, I would so appreciate if you could leave me a review on iTunes so that more people can find out about this podcast. If you enjoy it, spread the word and I'll see you next time.