Love Life with Matthew Hussey - (Rewind): "You Need To Be Happy Alone Before You Date"...Truth or Myth?

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

I don’t like it when I hear people say, “You need to be happy first before you find a relationship.” It’s not that the sentiment is a bad one, but saying to someone who is facing challenges in life that they need to be happy before they can be with someone seems highly unproductive to me. As if it’s not hard enough being alone when we want to find a partner . . . we now also have to achieve this elusive feeling of happiness before we do?! I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to be happy before you find a relationship . . . You just need to be “happy enough.” --- If you want to spend 3 days with me creating the conditions for your own happiness, then my next Virtual Retreat of 2023 is coming up fast! Head to MHVirtualRetreat.com to book your complimentary call with my Retreat Specialists who are on hand to hear your story (Special offer! $100 off the price if you get your spot booked before March 12th!)

We are going to do an awful lot of healing with the right person. In fact, I would argue that the right person is partly defined by the person that is the greatest catalyst for that healing. what's up everybody matthew hussey here welcome back to the love life podcast i wanted to talk today about this concept that you need to be happy alone before you date is this a truth or is it a myth? Check it out in this clip. Do you think it's possible to start healthy relationships while working on yourself as an individual? Like what are your thoughts and advice on that? 100%. 100%. I actually, I really don't like the idea that we have to be completely happy and enlightened and have everything figured out. And that's when the right person comes along. I think that's nonsense. I, you know, who is that? Who is that? And by the way, half the time, when it's someone

saying you need to be happy with you first, When it's someone saying that, half the time it's a person who's married who definitely wasn't in that place when they met their spouse. So there's something deeply hypocritical about it. We are always working on something. We're always going through some new problem, some new stage in our life that we weren't ready for. And we are going to do an awful lot of healing with the right person. In fact, I would argue that the right person is partly defined by the person that is the greatest catalyst for that healing. Someone who, when they come along, to use that word again, or your insecurities or your, hmm, the things that you normally struggle with are not unnecessarily aggravated by that person. But actually, you can begin to heal with that person. You can be soothed with that person in a way that maybe you haven't been

able to be in the past. And because you're with someone where there's a real safe environment that's created for growth and for healing, you kind of relax, you drop your shoulders, you're not holding on so tight and you start to start to become more of, of who you can be. So I, I, I prefer rather than thinking we have to be happy before we find someone, I prefer the idea that we have to get to a, we have to be happy enough before we meet someone. Happy enough is a much better phrase and it's a much more attainable goal. You know, way less intimidating than being happy. You know, happy is hard and I know it can be simple. It can sometimes feel easy, but often happy feels really, really hard. What I prefer to think is when you, when you're happy enough, it means I'm happy enough. I'm not, my life's not perfect and I might not be truly happy all the time, but I'm happy enough with the way my life is today and with who I am today

that if someone comes along and they don't treat me right and they don't make me happy, I can walk away. I know how to say no to the wrong thing. Happy enough also means that when I find the right thing, I am happy enough to enjoy it without living in constant existential anxiety that it's going to go away. And if it goes away, I'll die. I won't be able to survive. Happy enough means that we are robust as ourselves in our life today in a way that allows us to go and meet the world in our love lives in a strong way that means we're not constantly about to go to pieces or say yes to something that's going to be bad for us long-term.

I hope you enjoyed the episode and a quick note before you go, the virtual retreat is coming up from the 2nd to the 4th of June. If you want to do three days of coaching with me, go to mhvirtualretreat.com. Thank you.