Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Short-Term Dating, Long-Distance Love?

Episode Date: August 12, 2016

What happens when you meet a guy you’re really into, you have a few amazing dates, and then he has to move away due to circumstances beyond both of your control? You haven’t had time to build a solid foundation yet, but you don’t want to throw away a great connection either. In this episode of LOVE Life, I’ll explore this tricky situation and give you an elegant way to test the waters to see where your guy stands on the issue. In the end, you’ll know whether it’s worth pursuing something more, or keeping your options open for love that’s closer to home.

Welcome to Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey and I am really excited about today's show. But before we jump into it, I want to ask you a question. Have you ever been texting with a guy, maybe you've been on a few dates, when suddenly his texts stop cold? One minute you're flirting back and forth late into the night and the next minute he disappears into thin air. It's not your fault. Guys do this all the time. The question is, what can you do about it? Well, I can tell you exactly what to say to reignite his interest after he's gone cold. Stay with me until the end of the show and I will tell you.

We have a caller on the line today. Caller, are you there? Yes, I am. Hello. What's your name? Mary. Mary, tell me, I want to know, because you called us with a question. Yes. Tell me what you wanted to know today. So I've been seeing this guy for about a week now, and we've hung out three times in the last week. But he moved to Montana for a three-month work contract. And I want to know if, you know, is it a right time to start a relationship being long distance? And I know he's coming back.

So I just would like your advice as to how to proceed and what I'm supposed to say to do. When does he leave or is he already gone? He left on Saturday. He left on Saturday. And have you been speaking to him since? Yes, just to check up and make sure that he arrived there safely. And we spoke for a brief moment, but I kind of cut it short so that he could spend some time with his family and friends

since he's been gone for so long. Well, you seem very sweet and thoughtful. I love that. Has he tried to reach out to you since then? No, he hasn't. He told me to text him or keep in contact with him. He just let me know that he was going to be really busy with his family and friends for the next couple

of days. Okay. So here's what I would do, because I think that the tough part is in the simple answer to your question, should you have a long distance relationship with somebody that maybe you've been on three dates within a week? I think you can. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, especially if he's going for four months. It's not a long period of time in that sense. But of course, you want to make sure you're both in the same place, because the real danger of any situation like this is where one person is operating under a misapprehension. It's really dangerous to assume that the person is doing the same things you are. Yeah, we made plans to meet up in the end of July since I'll be there for work. And so, yeah, we made plans that we're going to meet up and that we would talk about it. I just want to know how to initiate the conversation without scaring him off or trying to understand how he's feeling. So why don't you ask him?

I'm afraid of his answer. So now, will you be more afraid if you find out his answer now or if he comes back or you meet him in July and find out that he's been with other people in between? Probably then. So it's probably, even though it's uncomfortable, it's probably less painful to just figure it out now, right? Yeah. But the problem is, and this is the hard part, I understand where you're coming from. If you've only been on three dates, you don't want to feel like you're pressuring him into a decision that's premature, right? So you don't want him to feel like, God, well,

it's three dates and she's already asking me to be in a relationship and we don't even know each other that well. And this is, this is all a bit much. So the reality of the situation is that it's a little difficult. Um, that's okay. Many relationships are difficult or slightly complex, but maybe you have the conversation with him and you say to him, listen, I, I, I like you from the three dates that we had. Um, I wanted to know what you, uh, felt and whether you felt like this had the potential to go anywhere. Um, obviously it's, uh, difficult with you being away, but, um, you know, know, I wanted to see if you feel the same way, if you feel like this has the potential to kind of go somewhere

and is worth pursuing. Okay. And see what he says. You're not immediately hitting him with, I think, you know, we should not see anyone else, I think we should be exclusive. Yeah. Because for him, he might be like, well, I'm trying to, you know, we should not see anyone else. I think we should be exclusive. Yeah. Because for him, he might be like, well, I'm trying to, you know,

I'm not even with you right now and we don't know each other that well and so on. But I would get a read on where he's at. Because often if a guy likes you and he's had a great time with you, he equally won't want you seeing other people, right? Now, if he comes back and says, well, you know, I'm not really sure either and it's kind of tough with me being away right now and so on, say that's fine.

You know, the reason I ask is because I have, you know, I have people asking me out and it's tough to know what to say because um I don't want to disrespect something that might be developing with you um now that's a really uh that's a very very elegant way of communicating that you are not someone who's disloyal you're someone who does like him but you're someone who is also in demand and has options and that there may also be a price for him to pay if he decides he wants to be very casual okay yeah does that make sense yeah with him being so far away and the nature of both of our jobs, us being so busy, mistake women make is they hold back too much.

They say, well, I'm just waiting for him to call and text me. I'm not going to be the first one to do it. But you also don't want to run the risk of over-investing and being the one calling and texting all the time. So it's fine to call him even if he doesn't answer and he sees it on his phone as a missed call. Even seeing someone's number as a missed call gives you a sign that, oh, they were trying to reach out. That's really sweet. You know, if you feel like calling him, give him a call and be chill about it. Be casual.

Hey, I wanted to see how you were and how you're getting on over there. Be sweet about it. You know that you want him to see your sweet side. But at the same time, you know, don't then the next day be the one to pick up the phone again. You know, let him then see how much he invests in return and if he if you find that day after day after day consistently he's not investing then it gives you some sense of where his priorities are right now yeah and make sure to have that conversation with him where you find out where his head's at because for guys it's very easy

to just ignore a situation if you don't bring it up but if you bring it up very often you'll get the truth yeah okay and thank you so much and and mary don't be don't be too afraid of the answer okay remember you you've been out on a couple of dates with a guy who you like um there are more of those out there you know you're not you're there there are more guys out there who you will go on three dates with and like and think it might be able to go somewhere with. He's not the only one. So if it goes somewhere with this guy, that's wonderful.

That's fantastic. I wish you both all the luck in the world. If it doesn't, don't worry. There are more out there, and you can have this feeling again, maybe one week from now, maybe a month from now, but you will feel it again. Okay. Thank you so much, Matthew. You're so welcome, Mary. Thank you for being so honest with me. I really appreciate it. And I know that so many women will have benefited from this. So call us again sometime. Okay. All right. Thank you so much. You have a wonderful day. Yeah,

you too, Mary. And thank you to everyone listening out there. I will speak to you soon, my friends. Okay, at the beginning of the show, I promised you that I would tell you what you could say to reignite a man's interest after he's pulled away. I've actually put together an entire free guide for you called Nine Magic Texts No Man Can Resist. Just copy and paste any of the nine texts and you'll instantly be right back in the forefront of his mind. So ask yourself first, is this guy worthy of me?

And if the answer is yes, try one of these texts out and let me know what happens. To get your free guide, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash texts.