Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Should You Offer to Pay on a Date?

Episode Date: February 24, 2016

It’s a delicate dance… You’ve had a romantic dinner with the guy you really like and then the check comes to the table. Do you reach for it? Feign searching in your handbag for your wallet? Let him pick up the tab so you don’t bruise his ego? And if you’ve been dating for a while, does this change the dynamic? I’ll share the secret thoughts men have on this issue that they would never tell you, and give you specific advice of when and how you should “treat” your man.

Welcome to Love Life, I'm Matthew Hussey. Now do you ever feel like you're stuck in a rut? We all do from time to time. The problem is just going through the motions cuts off our ability to grow and increase our happiness in life. Now what would happen if you actually began living each and every day with purpose? Let me tell you, it is possible to transform your life from ordinary to extraordinary. And it doesn't have to take months or years, but just a matter of days. Stick with me till the end of the show and I'll tell you exactly how to do it.

We are getting into the habit of taking some questions now. We want to hear from some people live and find out what they want to know. And I believe we have Rachel on the line today. Rachel, are you there? I am here. Hi. Hello. It's such a pleasure to have you on the show. Thank you for having me. You're very welcome. What's your question? Well, I want to know, so I've been dating this guy for a few weeks now, and there's always that awkward moment when the girl feels like they

should start paying so I just want to know at what point do we start insisting on paying for the guy have you offered to pay so far not yet not yet and how long have you been dating did you say it's been a few weeks a few weeks okay so you haven't really offered yet but you what what feeling is it in you that means you'd like to start? I just feel like I want to treat him to something. You know, he's been so nice at the beginning and I feel like I should start to treat him. Okay. I think that's really lovely and really commendable because I know a lot of people don't do that. So here's the thing. You can always offer even in the beginning, just because you offer it doesn't mean you have to insist. So now that you're a few weeks in,

I'm sure he would really appreciate it if you started offering in certain situations, because one of the big fears for a guy, which truthfully we're incredibly insecure to admit, is that in the beginning, if the woman isn't offering at all, we start worrying that she'll never offer. Okay. Now that doesn't mean that we're not prepared to pay and it doesn't mean we don't get enjoyment from paying, but if we're concerned that she never offers, we might start thinking that we're living for two forever now and that there's kind of a part of this that's taken for granted. Now, the fact that you're even asking this question means I know that with you, it's not taken for granted.

But it's one thing to feel it and appreciate it. It's another thing to show it. Now, part of showing it, of course, is saying, oh my God, that's so sweet. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Part of it is just verbal appreciation. Part of it is affection, you know, an arm around him, a kiss.

All of those things also can show appreciation when he does something for you. But another way to show appreciation is to show that you sometimes feel uncomfortable letting him pay for everything. You know, you love it because you're, you know, because you're a woman and there's part of you that loves the fact that he likes taking care of you. That's so sweet. It is nice. Yeah, absolutely. And you can say that to him out loud. You can say, I love the fact that you try and take care of me and that you do things for me. It's so sweet of you. And, you know, you're such a man in that way. But, you know, to tell you the truth, I would love to be able to do things for you as well. And you can say that out loud. You can also show it. You know, if you went to the cinema or the movies, I say, people in America don't normally say cinema, do they? If you went to the movies.

Sounds much nicer that way. Well, sometimes we have our elegant moments, the English. So if you go to the movies and he, for example, buys the tickets, you could buy the popcorn. Okay, that's sort of nice. That's a nice way of balancing it out because he still gets to feel like a man and there's that very sweet, nurturing part of you that says, I'm going to get the food.

So he now says that this is a genuine team. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. But is there a point where you have to start insisting or you just like, just offering is enough? It depends to what extent it's a need for you. Now, here's the thing. Let's just break it down from the guy's point of view.

In the beginning, because he's going to feel uncomfortable. He's he's right now he's paying for everything because I, he may be that kind of guy and B because he wants to impress you. Right? So when you initially say, Oh, let me get that. His instinct is not going to be to say yes.

First time you're going to say, let me get that. And he's going to go, no, no, no, it's okay. Secretly in his head, he might be going, please please pay for this like this one would be really nice if you

did it so sometimes it's nice to to put your foot down not in a like menacing way where you suddenly become the guy in the relationship but in a way where you go no no i insist this is my i want to treat you for once and trust me any sane will, that will be music to his ears because what he'll be hearing, even if he's the type of guy that wants to pay for everything, because that's where he gets some validation. He will so appreciate the teamwork that you're bringing to the table and that you're not seeing this as a one-sided arrangement where he has to pay for your company. Well, thank you. That's very good advice. Yeah, did you enjoy it? I did.

Thank you very much. You were great, actually. I love your contribution and I think your head's in the right place. So go do what you've got to do. I think you're going to do an amazing job. Thank you so much. All right, take care, Rachel.

You too, bye. So earlier we were talking about being stuck in a rut. If you want to discover the secret to living a life of purpose and experiencing a level of joy that most people don't even dare to dream about i have an invitation for you i want you to apply for my matthew hussey retreat now i say apply because this is an exclusive program there are a limited number of spots and I handpick the women who I think are ready for this radical transformation. But I can promise you this, if you are accepted, I'll take you by the hand and lead you through a life-changing experience that will give you every tool you need to quickly achieve the things that you want most in life.

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