Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Should You Tell Him You’re Dating Other Guys?

Episode Date: November 16, 2016

You’re really into this new guy you’re seeing, but as much as you’d like to take things to the next level, he hasn’t even mentioned commitment. So like the smart Get the Guy student you are ;), you keep your options open and continue to go out with other guys. Now you have a dilemma: Do you tell Mr. Maybe-Right you’re dating other men? And, if so, how will that impact your budding relationship? In today’s episode, I show you how to handle yourself in a graceful way that doesn’t use the situation as an ultimatum, yet still shows him how much you’re in demand.

I'm Matthew Hussey and this is Love Life. If you've ever felt like you didn't know the right words to say to a man to create attraction and chemistry, then you can't afford to miss what I have for you at the end of today's episode. Stay tuned, because I'm going to hand you five phrases that are so simple yet so powerful with men that you're going to be furious at me for not giving this to you years ago. We have a caller on the line today. Christina, are you there? Hi, I'm here. Hi, Matthew. Hello, how are you?

I'm good. I'm really excited to be able to ask you this question because I haven't found the answer on all of your videos. Really? Mm-hmm. And we've done a lot of videos, so this must be a wonderful question. Yes. So I am taking your advice, and I'm dating multiple guys,

and I'm keeping my options open. And I have no problem telling the guy maybe that I am not into that I'm dating multiple guys, and there's other people. But when it comes to the guy that I'm interested in, I have a hard time you know being as honest what brings on the conversation about dating guys so I was dating a

guy um and another guy came back in the picture who I hadn't seen for a couple years and um where normally I tell a guy oh you, I'm seeing other guys and this is fine. I'm looking for the right one. But with this particular one, I didn't want him to know because I thought it would be kind of an intimidation or an ultimatum. Hey, you know, you're not the only one right now and you better treat me well. And so I struggle between whether to tell them or not to tell them. I'm curious. If you weren't exclusive with anyone, why would you need to tell him that you're dating other people? Because that's what I get.

I feel that. Maybe they don't need to know. It's none of their business. But then when you're setting your standards, sometimes I think, do I need to say, hey, look, you know, I'm dating other guys. I'm looking for the right one. And I should just kind of keep that standard across the board. Well, I think there's a difference between setting a standard and making sure that every guy you're dating knows you're dating other guys. He's going to know that if he asks, you know,

or he's going to know it by the amount of time that you have available. He can come to those conclusions on his own. It's not important for your standard that a guy know you're dating other guys. It's just important that he know you're busy and that you have a life outside of him. And that unless he decides to make things exclusive, you're going to have other things going on. Whether those are guys, hobbies, passions, work, family, friends is really not that important. What's important is that you have other things going on that you show that you're in demand in your life. And I'm not sure it's, I'm not sure it's anyone else's business,

what you're doing, if they haven't made that commitment to you to take it a step further. Now you may say, well, but isn't it implicit sometimes that, that we're only with each other and that we're not with other people? And I would say, yes, it becomes implicit based on someone else's investment. If someone else is spending more and more time with you, bringing you gifts or being kind to you or looking at ways they can establish themselves more in your life and vice versa. If that's the case, then naturally you won't feel the need to date multiple guys, presumably. Am I right?

Oh, yeah, of course. If they're treating me the way I deserve to be treated, then, you know, absolutely. I think sometimes I wonder if I want to tell them as an ultimatum, like, well, you need to treat me well because I am seeing other guys. And then that becomes a manipulation in some way I don't I don't think that telling a guy you're dating other guys is is the appropriate way or the best way to give him that kind of ultimatum I'm not a big believer in ultimatums anyway because I think they just force people's hand into something even if they wanted to do it people's hand into something. Even if they wanted

to do it, it pressures them into something that maybe now they feel like they were sold instead of buying into. Um, but, but even if you were going to give someone an ultimatum, I don't think telling them you're already dating other guys is the best way to do that. I think the idea that you could soon be dating other guys if he didn't move closer to you and actually make it more official, that's enough. The problem with guys is if the hint of potential competition will often get a guy to take some form of action, but existing competition where they actually think you're with other people right now, that doesn't tend to have that effect on most guys. Most guys will actually back away from existing competition because they don't want to be in that sort of a

situation. They want to feel like there's something special about what they have with you. I totally get that. That makes so much sense to me. Perfect. So my advice to you is don't mention it unless they come to you and ask you the question point blank, at which point you can say, well, yeah, you know, I'm dating and so on. But, you know, when, when, for me, if something ever becomes more official with someone I really like, um, I'm the most intensely loyal person you'll ever meet. But, you know, right now, you know, I, I'm just out there having fun and, and, and seeing different people that you can say, if he comes to you and asks, if he doesn't ask, I see no value to you in telling him that you're dating other people any more than I see

the value in him saying to you, by the way, I happen to be sleeping with four other people right now, just so you know. I don't see that as important either, unless you are actually asking him the question, you know, are we exclusive? Or the two of you really are spending so much time and energy on each other that it becomes implicit and obvious that the two of you are becoming monogamous. If it's not, don't worry about it.

Okay. Well, great, Matthew. That's awesome. It's a pleasure. What a pleasure to speak to you. And I hope you call in again. Please do. Thank you. And I have another question. I will. Okay, fantastic. Thank you, Christina. And thank you all for listening. I hope that I'm sure that

cleared something up for a lot of you, because I know so many people have questions of that nature when it comes to dating multiple people. It's not easy out there these days when you feel like you're both trying to keep your options open and stay high value by having options and at the same time showing respect to the person you're with. It's a tricky compromise, but it's something that we can make simple. It doesn't have to be too complex. So thank you, everyone. I love you all. I will speak to you soon. Now, before you get too mad at me for not giving you the five

phrases years ago that could have saved you all that heartache, this guide is based on years and years of studying the exact words to say to trigger deep chemistry with men. I'm happy to say that all of my effort was worth it because these five phrases work so incredibly well with men. I'm happy to say that all of my effort was worth it because these five phrases work so incredibly well with men. So let's not wait another minute to download these five phrases. Just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash compliments.