Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Single in a New City? How to Make the Most of It

Episode Date: August 1, 2016

Moving to a new city can be daunting, especially when you’re single. But with the right attitude it can be the perfect opportunity to create an exciting life filled with interesting new friends, fun activities and, yes, amazing new dating prospects. I take a call today from Sarah, who is interested in a guy in her new area and wants to know what comes first: building her social circle or pursuing her love life? My answer to her may surprise you…

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. Do you ever feel like you keep attracting the wrong kinds of men? I can understand how frustrated and hopeless this must make you feel at times. All you want is a good guy who appreciates you and treats you well. Someone who's a partner in all of life's ups and downs. But instead, you end up with jerks. Well or you're not alone. So many women can relate. I want you to smile right now because today I'm going to give you a simple way to get rid of the jerks and only attract quality men into your life. Before I give that to you, let's get into today's episode. We have a caller on the line today. So, Sarah, let's do this. What's your question?

Well, the reason I called in today, it's because I need to seek your advice in something. I recently moved into a new town, and all of my friends there graduated, and they have moved to other states. So, and coincidentally, there is this guy I've had a crush on for a long time. graduated and they have moved to other states. So, and coincidentally, there is this guy I've had a crush on for a long time. He also moved into the same town.

But right now, I don't have anything fun to invite him to. Should I just wait until I find or I make more friends and just invite him to like a group event or just be direct about it and just tell him, okay, let's go out for drinks or grab a bite. So what do you think? He's a shy type, very egoistic, if you call it. And he's a type that never approaches girls. And I know that he likes me because he has hit on me in the past and we have hooked up once. So what do I do about this situation? I know you have an answer for me. Well, I will attempt to be slightly more epigrammatical than the question.

The question you asked, firstly, you've moved back to a new city, haven't you? Or to your old city, I should say. It's my old city, yes. Okay, so you have an advantage. Now, if you were someone just calling me to say, I've just landed in a new city, I now need to know how to navigate my way through it and meet new people and have interesting things to do. My first piece of advice to you would be to go out and become a regular in certain places. If you, for example, are regular in a coffee shop and you keep going there and you keep meeting the person behind the counter and having a little conversation with them,

eventually you'll get to know them. You'll get to know other customers and people who frequent that venue and eventually you'll build connections that might lead to going somewhere. The same applies in your favorite bar. The same applies in the gym. So as a very easy step, it gives you a reason to go and socialize with people instead of feeling like you're just going out on your own to a place.

So that's a nice thing to do as well. Now, the point of all that is to meet people and to build connections that could take you further. Now, I always say to people, empower other people to help you. Tell them that you, you know, you're new in the city. And again, let's stick with the person who's new in a city. And I'm going to come to you in a moment with your situation. If you were new in a city, you would empower other people to say, look, I'm new in this city. I'm trying to find new places. If you have any recommendations or anything going on, let me know. I'd love to join. Because people like to help that person who's new in a city.

It makes them feel important and confident in their city. So that's the first thing I would say. Now you have an added advantage. All of that still applies to you, except you're not going to say, you know, I'm new in this city. You're going to say, I haven't been in this city in years. You know, I honestly, I want to meet some new people and make some new friends. I'm, you know, I'm building my life here again after years of being away. That will do this. That will have the same effect. But the other benefit you have is there probably are some people you do still know from that place is that right? Yes yes I still know but only I'm left only with my married friends. That's okay because what you can do every now and again is invite your married friends over for drinks or

a little bit of food have a little it doesn't even have to be a dinner party just a little gathering at your house get some drinks and and tell everyone, look, bring more people. I want to meet people now that I'm back in town. So everyone bring somebody. That way you'll meet their friends who won't necessarily be married. Now that doesn't mean you're going to meet someone you're really attracted to. It just means you're going to start expanding your circle. So those two separate acts are going to do two things. One, you're going to get out your circle. So those two separate acts are going to do two things. One, you're going to get out there, join new classes, have your favorite bar or your favorite coffee shop,

and try different places. Don't go back to the places that you always knew. Try different places and meet new people through the existing friends you have. Now, to the guy that you were talking about, what you're really talking about is being able to be confident in that place and in your social life so that you can bring him into your world. Correct? Yeah. So the quicker you begin going and trying out new places, the quicker you can say, oh, come to this place.

I just tried it the other day. It's really nice. So let's go eat here. Or, by the way, involve him in the experience. I really want to go and try this place. I just moved back to town. Let's go try this sushi spot. It looks amazing.

So you involve him in your rediscovery of the city. That can be fun too. So you can do it both ways. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. So your recommendation is just try to make my social circle first and then approach him, right? Well, I think you can do both at the same time. But, you know, there's no harm in building up your life in the process while you're talking to him.

Because what that's going to do is it's going to give you options. You're also going to realize, by the way, that he's not the only guy in the city. That's going to realize, by the way, that he's not the only guy in the city. That's going to help. It's going to make you less inclined to focus only on him, which is a recipe for disaster, especially when you're trying to find your feet in a new city. So you don't have to avoid contact with him until this special time when you're ready in your social life. You'll never be fully ready. But I would say do both simultaneously.

Go and build your life independently of him. Try new places, meet new friends, meet new guys. And at the same time, you can be talking to him and involving him in little parts of that discovery process. Okay, okay, I'll make sure to do that. Yeah, I think you answered my question. And I have to thank you for your advice, your positive energy. And I have to say that it's not really relevant, but I'm in your impact program and I think it's awesome.

And everybody should get on it, too. Thank you so much. That means the world to me. I just released that. And in fact, I think you're one of the first callers I've had since the program released. So you can't imagine how much that means to me. So thank you. Well, I'm glad to have you, Matthew. I'm sure in the future I will call for more advice. But it was great talking to you.

We hope you do. Thank you, Sarah. And thank you all for listening. This has been Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey. That was Sarah, the lovely Sarah. If you're not following me on This has been Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey. That was Sarah, the lovely Sarah. If you're not following me on Facebook right now, go there and do that. All the latest information, news, articles, videos from moi. I will see you there. It's Coach Matthew

Hussey is the Facebook name. I'll see you soon. Okay, so we started off today talking about how you want to finally stop attracting the wrong men. I told you I have something for you that will show you how to make a quick shift that will bring the right kind of men into your life. Well, I've created a powerful training video for you called The Three Mindsets That Drive Men Wild, and it guides you through the simple steps that you can take to attract the kind of men you truly want. To get your free access to three mindsets that drive men wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.