Love Life with Matthew Hussey - So You’re an Introvert? Don’t Let a Label Define You

Episode Date: July 27, 2016

In today’s episode of LOVE Life I take a great call from a listener named Sarah who wants to know if certain types of men are attracted to introverted women, or if being introverted is something that she needs to overcome. I turn this question on its head and challenge Sarah: Is she really JUST an introvert? Or might there be more to her than just that label? If you consider yourself shy or not a “people person,” you’ll definitely want to tune in today to discover how appreciating all the facets of who you are can open a world of dating possibilities to you.

I'm Matthew Hussey and this is Love Life. If you've ever felt like you didn't know the right words to say to a man to create attraction and chemistry, then you can't afford to miss what I have for you at the end of today's episode. Stay tuned because I'm going to hand you five phrases that are so simple yet so powerful with men that you're going to be furious at me for not giving this to you years ago. We have another caller on the line today. That caller is Sarah. Sarah, are you there? Yes, I'm here. Hi, it's good to speak to you. How are you? Good. How are you? I'm great. I'm great. I'm all the better for you having called in. Awesome. What question Do you, uh,

what question did you have today? I would love to know. Um, so I listened to your, like your show and then your YouTube and I read your book and all of that. Um, you're always talking about ways to put yourself out there, be more outgoing,

um, you know, overcome more introverted qualities and in order to attract men. But my question is, are there any men out there that are attracted to maybe more introverted women? Is there a way to work with being introverted or being just naturally more private, reserved, introverted, just undesirable in general? Well, I think being introverted can actually be an extraordinarily beautiful quality. You wouldn't want, you know, I think we all want light and shade in life, don't we? Sometimes we want someone who's introverted, who is a little, you know, has their quieter

moments and can sit with us and do something that doesn't involve being out there and being around people all the time. But other times we want that person who will pull us out of our shell a little bit. So I think the reality is, I mean, when you think of the type of man you want, Sarah, what is it you want? Describe to me the man that you want. What I look for personally is just that best friend connection. Like, you're just connected with that person.

They bring out the best in you. Mm-hmm. Anything else? Like, what I look for is someone who's reliable, someone who's always there. Mm-hmm. What else? I mean, I guess that's it.

Like, that's it. That's what I look for. It's usually just a connection. So he's just connected to you? Does he have to have any level of excitement or spontaneity? Or does he need to be adventurous at all? What else does he have to have? Because right now he sounds like a really boring friend. He should, yeah, definitely.

He should want to try new things and have hobbies and be excited about what he does, be passionate about what he does in life. Be not someone who's a downer. So here's the thing. You want many different things in the guy that you're looking for. The guy you're looking for also wants many different things in you. And he wants you to be more than one thing. Right. And I believe you're much more than just someone who's reserved and

introverted and shy. By the way, shy and introverted, two very different things. Yeah. Shy implies some level of insecurity. Being introvert, it is someone who feels more replenished being in their own company than being around other people. They're people who look inward with their thoughts instead of having to share them and connect with them all the time. But that doesn't have to define you. I would have called myself an introvert for much of my life. I'm someone who is very comfortable in my own space. I didn't really love to go to places where there were tons of crowds and it was loud. An introvert always sees everything, every loud environment feels obnoxious to an introvert, right? But the truth is there are times in your life where you've enjoyed those types of environments, right? It may

not have been all of your life, but you can think of some instances where you've enjoyed more extroverted moments. Yeah, definitely. So you can't just define yourself as an introvert because that then you're in danger of just giving into all of your fears and insecurities and things that hold you back from the world now does that mean that there are guys who don't like quieter women of course not there are you know we match up with people who uh who like us because we're either like them or in some ways different to them you might have a guy who says i really really like Sarah because I'm kind of loud and she's a little more quiet, but we just somehow connect on that. She eases me and

I bring out that loud part of her and it just works. Or you might have a guy who's also quiet and you both connect because you both enjoy doing the exact same introverted things. You're not going to know that until you get out there and meet these guys. Here's the danger for you. If you label yourself an introvert and say, I have to find a guy who's into introverts, how are you going to meet those guys in the first place? I'm not sure. Are you going to meet them at home being an introvert? No. No, in order to meet these guys in the first place, you're actually going to have to go out there and be an extrovert for a moment. You can be the introvert that you are and at the same time have those moments of light and shade where you say, you know what?

I can, you know, tonight I do feel like going out or tonight, you know, today I do feel like doing something a little more extroverted or today I feel more playful or louder than I normally am. You, you have to allow yourself that flexibility to be different parts of yourself. Otherwise you label yourself in too narrow a way. And I tell you what ends up happening. You use the label of introvert as an excuse not to do anything you're scared of. Yeah. And that's not okay. It's okay to go with your nature, but it's not okay to start avoiding things you're scared of because of that nature.

Yeah, I understand completely. Look, let's be honest. There are guys out there that look at that woman who's always loud and crazy and go, oh my God, she drives me nuts. I couldn't be with that woman. Right? So we're looking for someone who can do both. That's the person that's really exciting.

And of course you'll find someone who loves you for who you are. Of course you will. But you have to become who you are in order for that to happen. You can't sit there and give in to all of your insecurities and expect someone to love you for who you are when it's hidden behind all of those fears. Right. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Beautiful. Sarah, thank you so much for calling in. What a pleasure. Come back to us sometime, okay? Of course. Thank you. All right. Take care.

Now, before you get too mad at me for not giving you the five phrases years ago that could have saved you all that high this guide is based on years and years of studying the exact words to say to trigger deep chemistry with men i'm happy to say that all of my effort was worth it because these five phrases work so incredibly well with men. So let's not wait another minute to download these five phrases. Just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash compliments.