Love Life with Matthew Hussey - Stop Being a Date Crammer!

Episode Date: July 18, 2016

Do you cram for dates like you used to cram for exams? Pulling all-nighters beforehand, stressing about where to go, what to do, and what to say? Well no wonder you’re overwhelmed! Today I’m going to get you to stop this counterproductive behavior and give you 5 tips you can use now to bring real (not superficial) change that will make sure you ace any date.

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. I am super excited about today's show because we have a great topic to discuss. But first, I have a question for you. If I told you there were five things you could say to get a man positively addicted to you, would you try them? If the answer is yes, then be sure to listen until the end of today's show because I'm going to tell you how you can get your hands on those five magic phrases. Now let's get to the episode. I want to talk today about what I have come to call date cramming. I think that we often

associate the idea of cramming with an exam or with a test. You know, we cram the night before, we pull an all-nighter to try and get everything done. I think that people also go through a cramming process with their dates. You know, they get to the day before a date and all of a sudden they're trying to think, ring around and find out what are some cool restaurants to go to? What are some cool bars that we could hang out at? Where is the best atmosphere? Because they don't go to anywhere cool normally. They're trying to figure out what it is they're going to actually say on a date. How can I be interesting? Because they haven't done anything recently. It's not like they've actually expanded their mind, read any books, done anything to create great conversation outside of

themselves and their own past. So they're left cramming at the last minute for a date. And that cramming leads to overwhelm. In fact, it's the kind of overwhelm that leads most people to not want to date. So we have to get out of this cramming mindset. And one of the ways to do this is to take a longer term perspective on our dating lives. And so you know what, what I'm doing right now this week, it's not preparing me for a date this weekend what, what I'm doing right now this week, it's not preparing me for a date this weekend. If I do well on a date this weekend, that's a bonus. But what I do this week is not preparing me for this week's date. It's preparing me for the date I'm going to have in six months. If you start thinking like that, you'll feel, you'll find that

it's a pressure valve. It takes all of the pressure off and starts to actually focus you on things that sustainably will improve you as a person, make you feel better when you go on a date and really make you feel like your life is in gear at the point where that happens. What you do, by the way, when you cram, you start going for superficial change instead of real change. So stop focusing on the date you're going to have this week. You're going to have many dates, right? You're going to have one next month, the month after the month after that. Focus on who it is you want to have become by six months time. And you'll find that all of those feelings of dread about what's happening right now leave you because you realize you're not training

for the game tomorrow.'re not training for the game tomorrow. You're training for the game that's coming later in the year. But that also means, by the way, you have to have the discipline to actually start now and to do the things that sustainably that will help. And look, let me name you a few. What makes you a more interesting date? Reading. Read stuff. Read books. Take in new ideas so that when topics come up, you can actually talk about them. There's nothing worse on a date than watching someone glaze over because they have no idea what you're talking about. So be someone who's interested in life and what's going on around us. Develop a passion. One of the sexiest things is not what someone's passionate about, it's that

they're passionate. So find something that you can be passionate about. By the way, little clue, be passionate about everything in life, wherever you can be. Work out, go to the gym, go take up a sport, do something that gets your body energized, that makes you feel good in your body so that by the time it happens, you're not feeling out of shape and like you're playing catch up. Develop a great circle of friends. Developing a great circle of friends is the buffer for any type of dating disaster. You have a good peer group around you. You have good friends, good contacts. You'll find that no breakup, no bad date ever stings as bad because you have great people around you. Go to cool places so that when you do go on a date, you have places that you can recommend

because you know what? You went there last month. Someone says, where should we go tonight? And you say, oh my God, there's this amazing exhibit going on because you went there last week or you found out about it at another exhibit you were at. You're someone who's in some way clued into what's going on around you. And by the way, that doesn't mean you have to become a socialite in your city. It just means that you have to have some things that you know you can do or have done recently that give you a slightly more diverse range of interests than watching Game of Thrones every Sunday night. So, which by the way, I love, so I'm not knocking it. Just there's, there's more time. There's more hours in a day. Game of Thrones is just one hour.

Um, so that's it for today, my friends, um, take the longterm approach and not only will you alleviate your panic, but you'll start to get real change instead of superficial change. I'll see you soon. Follow me on Facebook, Coach Matthew Hussey, and keep listening to Love Life. Well, I made you a promise at the top of the show that I would reveal five things you could say to get a man addicted to you, and it's time to deliver. These are actually five compliments, and I've put them together in a free guide that you can go download right now. To get your free guide, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash compliments.