Love Life with Matthew Hussey - The #1 Mistake Everyone Makes in Conversation (and How YOU Can Avoid It)

Episode Date: April 1, 2016

You: “How are you?” Him: “I’m good… How are you?” You: “Good.” Have you ever gotten stuck in a boring conversation like this? We all have. But guess what? You are just as much to blame for this dead-end dialogue as the other person is. But I’m going to help you fix it. In today’s episode, I’m going to teach you the difference between “conversational tennis” and “conversational basketball,” and three quick tricks that will make you a confident, fascinating, and charismatic conversationalist in 30 seconds or less. 

Welcome to Love Life. I'm your host, Matthew Hussey. Now, here's a secret about men that most women don't realize. Men really want to feel manly around you. If you know how to make him feel like a man, he'll want to be around you day and night. So how do you do this? I'm going to give you my five most powerful phrases for making him feel manly around you right after we get into today's topic. I want to talk about conversation today and more specifically how to be seen as an incredible conversationalist within 30 seconds or less. First, I'll start with one of the biggest mistakes that people make when they first engage people in conversation. They put the ball in the other person's court and expect that

other person to have great answers to their questions. Most people, let it be said here, are terrible conversationalists. They have no idea what to say or how to contribute. So as soon as you put the pressure on them, they perceive you to be a bad conversationalist. Now think of it like this. Bad conversation is played like a game of tennis. You hit the ball into their court. They then hit it back. You then hit it back. Sometimes you don't even let the ball bounce before you hit it back. You just volley it straight back. That's bad conversation. Great conversation is like a basketball game. You dribble the ball down the court. You hold onto it for a little while. You decide where you're going to pass it. Maybe you pass, maybe you take a shot, but what you do

is you hold onto it and assess first, or you do a trick or two. You take the reins. That's great conversation. So when you next go into a business meeting or you're out on a first date or you meet someone for the first time, do not fall into the trap of asking that, how are you question? And then hoping they're going to have a great answer. Instead, prepare a great answer to the how are you question. Have a great answer in the sense that you're almost going to go on a little rant. So imagine this, someone says, how are you? And you say, do you know what? I'm so great. I've been speaking all day to people about this movie that I just saw. And you tell people about a movie you saw the night before. So now you get to talk about what you loved about it and why it was so amazing. You say, you have to go and see this

thing. It's incredible. You're now taking the reins and you're also doing what we call creating a conversational hook point. You give them something that they can actually latch onto. And the great thing about this is when you rant for a little bit, someone takes license to give you more lengthy answers in return as well. So here are some quick ways you can do this. Firstly, I'm going to give you three right now. First, pick from your day. Don't ever think you have to answer the question you got asked. That's the big myth of conversation. Do what politicians do, say what you were going to say anyway. So when they say, how are you, talk about the thing you want to talk about anyway, whether it's that movie, that theater production, your girlfriend,

whatever, just talk about that. Secondly, observe what's around you. So if you walk into someone's office and you see a book on their coffee table that you've been reading, for example, talk about it. Do you know what? I've been reading that recently. Did you find when you got to this part that blah, blah, blah? Because when I was reading it, I was like, and then go into that. You'll notice I'm ranting a little bit for a space of 10, 15 seconds, which immediately puts the other person at ease. The third one is make it about them. So here's where you're going to get an opinion from them. You're going to talk about something that relates to them. It may be that you know they just ran a marathon, either because you see the picture on their wall or because someone told you

and you suddenly bring that up and you say, you know what? I envy you and I admire you because I don't feel like I could ever do a marathon. But anyone that does it, I completely admire because it seems to me that's like the hardest thing in the world. Did you enjoy running when you started or did you actually become a lover of running? As soon as you do that, you're now getting their opinion. But again, you've given them space and you've given them that hook point to hang the conversation on. If you walk in and you say, hey, how are you doing? They say, great, how are you? Now you're into that tennis game again. And that's exactly what crappy conversation is. So my tip for you is this. The next time you get asked a question, even if it's the most obvious,

basic question in the world, go on a little rant. Give them some space and time and show that you're a leader in that dynamic. You'll be seen as much more confident, interesting, and charismatic. All right, my friends. So make sure you do this this week. Share this with someone on Twitter or Facebook if you enjoyed it and send us a tweet, hashtag love life, and also visit my website. Why not? There's really good stuff there. Howtogettheguide.com. I will see you there, my website. Why not? There's really good stuff there. Howtogettheguide.com. I will see you there, my friends. Take care.

See you in the next episode. So we started off today talking about the power of making a man feel manly around you. But how do you do this? It can be challenging to strike the balance so that you don't sound patronizing when you do this, which is why I've carefully crafted five perfect phrases that you can say to any man that will make him feel like his best self around you. To download these five phrases, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash compliments.