Love Life with Matthew Hussey - The Classy Way to Have “The STD Talk”

Episode Date: July 20, 2016

When you’re having sex with someone, one of the least sexy things to talk about is STDs. But it could be the most important conversation you’ll ever have in a relationship. So when is the best time to bring it up? And what should you say to make sure you’re comfortable enough to trust your partner? In today’s episode, I help our caller, Jasmine, navigate this tricky situation and give her a script she can use that will allow her to look after her health, stand her ground, and get more respect from her partner in the process.

This is Love Life and I'm your host, Matthew Hussey. It's so exciting to hear feedback from women who say things like, Matt, I tried the advice from your podcast and I met someone incredible that same night. But occasionally, I'll hear something like, when something finally starts to go right in my life, I have trouble trusting that it's real and I just can't enjoy it. If you can relate, I want you to stay tuned until the end of today's show because there's something really exciting I want to share with you

that has the power to change your way of thinking forever. But first, let's get to the episode. We have a caller and her name is Jasmine. Jasmine, are you there? Yes, hi. What was your question, Jasmine? Um, so I was actually wondering, um, what is the best way to, uh, talk to a guy about, you know, STD testing if they're clean, how to really like touch on that subject without scaring him off or seeing like seeming hypersensitive about it

and just you know how to not like kill the mood almost because that's very serious right you know you're trying to like flirt and be cute and that's not something cute so is it the case that you're you don't want to have uh any intimacy until you find that out? Not necessarily, no. But if you know you're going to be regular with someone, you want to make sure that you know where they are. Okay. So I think, firstly, the time to do it is not necessarily in the middle of the act, right?

That's going to drive both of you crazy i think and also it's also the time you're most likely to get the least honest answer right you when someone is uh when someone's hot and horny and ready to go and and you ask them they're going to be telling you no let's talk about it tomorrow. I'm fine. Um, so, so I would do it. And by the way, that doesn't mean that you, you have to do it in a very ultra serious moment either. You know, the opposite isn't you going out to dinner to talk about STDs. Right. So there's somewhere in the middle where you could be at home together or you could be, you know, uh, just, just sitting in bed together and whilst you're sitting at home together or you could be, you know, just sitting in bed together.

And whilst you're sitting in bed together, just bring up the subject. You know, I'm crazy attracted to you. And since we're having sex on a regular basis or since, you know, things seem to be moving that way a little more, I wanted to ask the question, you know, have you been tested recently? Right. You know, I guess. Yeah. Specifically, well, this situation actually happened last week where we did get on to

the topic and he could tell that it was something that was bothering me. The date went amazing. We had amazing connection. But after the conversation, it went cold. So how do I go about... Walk me through the conversation. How did it go? Well, I asked him, he was tested and he said he wasn't, but he was tested like eight months ago and he was only with one girl and that girl was tested about a month ago. But he could tell that, obviously, I was bothered by it,

and that, you know, I was kind of like, you know, I would really appreciate if he could get tested. So I'm interested in, like, pursuing it, but at the same time, I could tell that, you know, he probably thinks, like, I'm some kind of, like, condom Nazi or something or you know super sensitive to it a new term in my vocabulary the condom Nazi this is uh this is great you brought something to my world today so okay so does he does he not want to use a condom he doesn't know that we have. Okay. I mean, here's my view on this, Jasmine.

Firstly, I'm always suspicious of men who are too quick to go without a condom. I always find, personally, and this is a personal thing, right? Because I'm the other extreme. I am my own form of a condom Nazi but in the male form for me I never want to put that trust in somebody else's hands to me I take my own responsibility for my situation now of course people change that view once they're in committed relationships they change their views of if they really trust someone

if a man trusts a woman on the pill, then, you know, he may decide to stop using a condom and so on. But I know that I'd be suspicious of someone who, not knowing you all that well right now, but only just starting out with you, is already the one who's saying he doesn't want to use a condom i i for me if if nothing else fear should drive a guy to not want to do that so i i don't quite understand that position um but for this guy right now i would be first questioning why he's so eager to to not use a condom because that to me suggests bad judgment from the beginning. Then I would say, okay, if he really doesn't want to use a condom, fair enough, that's his position.

But your position is that you really need him to be tested newly in order for you to go there with him. At the same time, if he likes you and he really does want unprotected sex with you, it's one thing if he said look i'll keep using a condom but really i'm i know i'm fine so i don't want to get tested but i i'll keep using a condom that's that's the deal fair enough um but if he's the one who's saying i really don't want to use a condom and i don't want to get tested uh then i would uh i don't think you're in the wrong and and i think that you should stand your ground and let him know in a very classy and elegant way.

You know that it would feel wonderful and intimate to be able to do that with you, but I really have to value myself and my health. And that's not that I don't trust you, it's just that things happen and I can't put that in somebody else's hands. So I don't think the onus is on you to trust him. I think the onus is on him to show you that he's trustworthy and to go out of

his way for you if he likes you. And I think he'll respect you more for standing your ground on it in a classy way, not in an aggressive way, but I think he'll respect you more for standing your ground on it rather than caving just to be in rapport with him and to make him happy. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. You're so welcome. You're so welcome.

Thank you for bringing such an interesting issue to light. I actually really appreciate you bringing this to the show because we haven't had something like this before. And I love when we get a new topic and a big message to all of you out there listening to me and Jasmine right now, if have a new topic bring it forward it's so cool when someone does and Jasmine I thank you for that. Oh you're very welcome. All right wonderful for taking the time. Well we'll speak to you soon all right have a great day and you're doing the right thing. Thank you. All right, bye-bye. Bye.

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