Love Life with Matthew Hussey - The Do’s and Don’ts of Breaking Up

Episode Date: June 20, 2016

There’s really no such thing as a “good” breakup, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to make it a little smoother and less painful for both of you. I’m going to give you my 3 Do’s and 3 Don’ts to help you make your case, prevent an argument, and keep you from losing your nerve and going back to a relationship that isn’t right for you.

I'm Matthew Hussey and this is Love Life. If you've ever felt like you didn't know the right words to say to a man to create attraction and chemistry, then you can't afford to miss what I have for you at the end of today's episode. Stay tuned, because I'm going to hand you five phrases that are so simple yet so powerful with men that you're going to be furious at me for not giving this to you years ago. Let's talk about a difficult subject. How do you break up with someone? First, don't have 10 different reasons for the breakup. One of the mistakes we fall into is we feel like we have to stack our case. And in doing so, we end up muddying some of our stronger cases,

some of our stronger arguments with the weaker arguments that we use to support our case. And of course, when you give someone a bunch of arguments and some of them are strong and some of them are weak, you know from arguments in the past, what does someone focus on? They start focusing on the weak arguments in your case and they use them to justify why your decision is the wrong one. And you may, during the conversation, need to be repetitive. Don't think that just because somebody keeps talking to you about it and keeps prying that you need to come up with new arguments. If you know your reason, don't be afraid of stating it multiple times. At least it's the real reason and you're not searching for other reasons to bolster your

case. Next, be kind. You know, you don't want to go into this trying to attack the person for what they're going wrong. You're already potentially breaking their heart. They don't need a whole bunch of complexes and insecurities on top of it. So don't let it turn into an argument and understand that they might try to turn it into an argument. They might try and make this something that's antagonistic so that they can feel better about it. If they do, don't take the bait. Just be kind, understand that they're angry and that perhaps if it were the other way round, you would be angry and hurt and upset too, or your hurt would manifest itself as anger and understand that that's their position right now. And you don't, this is the next tip, by the way,

do not try to be the good guy. Our own narcissism, our own ego has us often trying to break up with someone and also be the saint in the situation. We still want to be liked even when we're breaking up with someone. And that's not fair. That's not fair because in an effort to be liked, you will start saying things that perhaps are disingenuous. You'll start giving someone hope where there is none. And you'll make the other person feel worse in the long term, because all you're really doing is trying to stay connected to them through this thing that actually in reality creates a disconnect. And you have to allow there to be a disconnect instead of trying to break up with them and have

them love you and want you as much as they always have. That's not fair to the other person. That's your own ego talking when you try and do that. Next, stay firm and remember your reasons. After the breakup, something that is likely to happen is firstly, they will come back to you wanting you back. And they will say things that do play with your emotions. And they may not be consciously trying to play games with you, but they will say things that target your heartstrings. And in those moments, it's essential to go back to your reasons for why you did it. What were the reasons why it was so important at the time? Because when you move away from someone and you get lonely and you're on your own,

the temptation will be to go back to the comfort. But with the kind of relationship amnesia that happens after a breakup where you start to forget about the wrong and the reasons you left and you start to amplify the good and and the reasons you left and you start to amplify the good and the things that you loved about the relationship, the relationship becomes disproportionately sentimental and romantic and you start wondering why you left in the first

place. This is why I always encourage writing down your fundamental reasons in a place where you can always come back to them so that if you need to remind yourself why it was important for you to do at one stage or another or at the time of the breakup, you can go back to those reasons and remind yourself of your logic at the time. So that's it for today, my friends. I know if you're thinking about doing this, I know you're going through a tough time and I'm there with you. I'm in your corner. I know how hard it is, but stay strong, be brave and do what you know is the right thing to do. I'll see you soon. Come join me on facebook.com forward slash coach Matthew Hussey. That's my Facebook name, coach Matthew Hussey.

Join in the conversation, read the articles that are on there, watch the videos and keep listening to Love Life. Now before you get too mad at me for not giving you the five phrases years ago that could have saved you all that high, this guide is based on years and years of studying the exact words to say to trigger deep chemistry with men. I'm happy to say that all of my effort was worth it because these five phrases work so incredibly well with men. So let's not wait another minute to download these five phrases. Just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash compliments.