Love Life with Matthew Hussey - The Formula to Transform Friendship Into Desire

Episode Date: October 7, 2016

You’ve been friends with a guy for a while now, but you want more. So how can you cross over from “one of the guys” to “girlfriend material” without risking rejection? It’s a simple formula: Femininity + Sexuality + Challenge = Desire. I’ll show you exactly how to put these elements into place in today’s episode of LOVE Life, plus give you a sneaky bonus tip that will drive him crazy wanting you and give you your pick of other men in the process!

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. Quick question for you. Do you know the nine words that you can text a man that will make you completely irresistible to him? No, I'm not talking about sexting. This is much more intelligent because it allows you to keep your standard and drive him crazy with desire at the same time.

Think you can guess what it is? I'll come back to this at the end of the show today. So make sure not to miss a minute. I had a question recently, which was how do you transition from friendship to love? I'll start by saying, I think the grammar of the question is wrong because you can have friendship and love at the same time.

The real point that people miss is that you have to go from friendship to desire. That's the thing that's going to make the difference because, of course, many of us can name people who are great friends and they love each other, but the real problem is they don't have attraction. They don't desire each other in that way. Many of us are terrified that if we have a friend and we want to go after them in that sense, we're going to get the knockback. We're going to get rejected and it stops us from ever doing anything. It keeps us in a very platonic place. And most of the women that I meet who are friends with a guy, they tend to go down one of two routes or

both. They are very caring and loving and just, they're just a good person to that guy all the time. That's one way of going. And the other way of going is to be more alpha and male and have banter and almost be one of the guys with that person. Now, this is a problem in two respects. Firstly, if you're just going down the loving route all the time, in that sense, you end up being this person who cares for them, but you become almost more like a mom to that person instead of being someone that they're attracted to. Now, the other road of being more of one of the guys with that person and having banter and playing around often leads to the opposite of attraction. You start oversharing, you talk about sexual experiences, you talk about their sexual experiences, you don't say, excuse me, I need, you know,

excuse me for a minute, you say, I need to pee, right? And that person stops seeing you as a sexual being, just one of the guys. So we have to get out of these two modes. There are two things that you need to show in order to graduate from friendship. One is femininity and the other one is sexuality. Now, if you couple those two things with an element of challenge, you'll start to get desire. Now, I had a friend actually very recently, Edward Whitehead, I should give him his due credit. He came up with this great analogy for what it takes to convert a friendship into something more. And he likened it to reversing into a parking bay. And he said, imagine three parking bays. One is for a one night stand, One is for a friendship and one is for a relationship.

He said, if you're reversing, sometimes the wheel goes too far over into one of those categories and you end up somewhere you don't want to be. But the only way to correct course and to get into the parking bay that you want to be in is actually to pull out first and then go back in. In other words, you need to create space in order to actually create the dynamic that you want. Now, you may be wondering, well, how do I create this? Firstly, it will never hurt you to take a bit of space from somebody so that you can come back with a new dynamic. And secondly, when you are with them again, find opportunities to graduate just by a couple of millimeters from where you were before. I always think a good way

to do this is to go out with that person, even if it's with your friends as well, go dancing. Because when you're on the dance floor, you get to dance with somebody and you kind of get away with murder because it's within the context of you're all dancing together. So he feels you dancing. He feels your body in ways that he doesn't normally feel your body. And he senses that there's something different. So you're finding ways to graduate from where you are. And by the way, this is kind of risk-free because you're not coming out and saying, I like you, let's make something happen. What you're doing is just dancing for a moment. And you're constantly gauging whether you're getting something back from that person. So you don't have to go crazy all at once. Just find little ways to start treating them like you would treat other people in your life that you were flirting with. And by

the way, when you go out with them, dress like you would dress on a date. Be pretty, smell good, do all of the things that you'd normally do for somebody else. Don't talk about going to the bathroom to pee. Just say, I have to excuse myself for a minute. Start behaving in the way that you would around someone that you actually wanted more with. You wouldn't talk about past sexual experiences and you wouldn't overly indulge theirs either. You wouldn't want to hear about it. So start treating them with that frame of reference. And by the way, bonus points, if at the same time as doing all of this, you can go out and meet other people and make friends with other guys or create attraction with other guys. Because guess what? When you invite that

old friend out with a bunch of guys that you've met who are also attracted to you, he starts to see, ah, this woman is sexy. Because no matter what anyone says about game playing, there is something primal for a guy about seeing that some other guy thinks you're hot. Because when he sees another guy who finds you attractive, he says, oh, maybe, wow, maybe she's attractive. I never realized that before. These guys are chasing her. What am I missing? And then he starts to question himself and his own logic and he can start to see you as attractive. So it won't hurt you to get other guys attracted at the same time. And then of course, if he doesn't ever get attracted, you have other guys lined up waiting for you. Why wouldn't you do that anyway? So that's it for today. How to turn a friendship, not into love,

because that's a misnomer, how to turn a friendship into desire. Love can come later. Thank you for listening, my friends. If you're not following me on Facebook right now, go to facebook.com forward slash coach Matthew Hussey. I will see you there. So have you guessed what those nine words are that will make you irresistible to men? No? Well, I've included that and eight other equally effective scripts in a free guide i've created for you called nine magic texts no man can resist the text i was talking about at the top of the show is number two of nine just copy and paste it or any of the nine texts tonight and he'll be eating out of the palm of your hand to get your free guide just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash Texas.