Love Life with Matthew Hussey - The Most Attractive Way to Initiate (and Exit) a Conversation

Episode Date: February 26, 2016

When you’re out socially, one of the worst feelings is to be approached and feel like you’re “trapped” in a conversation. Today, I have some great tips, both for body language and what you can actually say, to gracefully enter and politely exit a conversation. I’ll even share a trick that allows you to approach a group of guys and then turn the tables, leaving them wanting more so they are desperate to reengage with you!

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. Have you ever wondered whether you should date more than one guy at a time? Every dating expert seems to have a different opinion on this. But what do guys really think about a woman who keeps her options open? Well, I'll tell you how to get the answer at the end of the show. First, let's get into today's episode. This episode is about people who stay in conversations for too long. I was out with a couple of friends and we were standing in a bar and we were talking and having a very in-depth conversation about something.

And two women came over and started talking to us. But what happened over the next 15 to 20 minutes is these people, well, even when they first came over, they began by standing there and completing our circle. You know, when you stand in a kind of crescent moon, they came and completed it. Now, when that happens, I know ladies, you're listening to this. I know guys do this to you too. They'll come over. They'll stand there in a certain stance that says, I'm here for a while.

I'm not planning on going anywhere. And I know when that happens to you, you lose your ability to enjoy the conversation itself with him because you're too busy analyzing whether you're going to be able to get away or not. And this is key in conversation. You never want to make someone feel like you're never going to leave because then they can't enjoy the conversation in the moment. When you go over, you want to turn your body language out slightly. Not so much that it looks ridiculous, but you're not facing directly at them, looking at them. You're slightly angled away. And you can still turn your head to look at them. But what it says is, I'm not necessarily so invested in this right now that I won't leave.

A nice thing to do, by the way, is to speak to someone for 30 seconds or a minute and then turn a little bit and keep talking to your friend in a conversation between the two of you. Because at that point, these people are standing there near you. They have proximity, but they also feel that you're not in it with them at that point. That gives them a chance to reinitiate. By the way, one of the key factors in attraction, if you feel someone reinitiating with you, then you know that you have some level of interest. The hard part about going over to talk to somebody and then never leaving is that you don't have any idea, or at least you have less of an idea, depending on how perceptive you are, of how attracted they are to you.

Because you're standing there talking, talking, talking, but you're never giving them a chance to show their interest. If you can turn away and talk to your friend, or even by the way, God forbid, talk to another stranger around them that can only help you. They will feel like, oh, okay, maybe I need to do a little bit of work here. And if they like you at that point, they will. Then you can obviously say, because women are always asking me, how do I tell if a guy likes me? If he reinitiates. I love this. I think it's really, really great. And by the way, guys, if you are listening, I have a little tip for you as well. If you go over to a table of women or a group of women, if you feel like they're in conversation and you don't want to be that guy who suddenly pulls up a chair at a table of women and says, I'm in this with you now, which immediately, even if a couple of them appreciate it and like you, you can find that the rest of them are going, why is this guy suddenly sitting in our conversation? If you don't want to be that guy, you walk over, pay someone a compliment or

pay the group a compliment. By the way, you guys all look great tonight. I just wanted to tell you, you guys look beautiful. And then maybe you leave by saying, anyway, we're over here having a drink. If you want to come join us when you're done, I don't want to intrude on your conversation, but you want to come and join us, come join us for a drink. We're only over here. That's a very nice way of going in, approaching, and then stepping out again afterwards. These women have now made a couple of decisions that A, you're friendly, warm, and confident because you came over in the first place and B, that you're high value and non-needy because you didn't feel the need to stay.

You just gave them a casual invite to come and join you at some point and then you left. So they feel you leaving. They feel that sense of abandon you at some point and then you left. So they feel you leaving. They feel that sense of abandonment, which makes someone want you more. So they're now far more likely to come and talk to you at some point during that evening. It may not be in five minutes. It may not be in 10. It may be in an hour, but they're far more likely to come and talk to you after that than if you go over there and stick in it and don't leave. Then they're just wondering when you're going to leave and they lose their ability to enjoy the conversation in the first place. So that's it.

I will see you in the next episode of Love Life. If you want to follow me on Facebook, come join the conversation. I put all of my new stuff up on there. It's facebook.com forward slash coach Matthew Husson. Okay, so what do men really think about a woman who dates more than one guy at a time? I'm going to tell you and reveal the three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild

in a free video that I've created for you. You're going to get exclusive access to a Q&A session from a live seminar where I coach real women on how to deal with hot and cold men, how to find out if a guy is single, how to be strong and confident in a relationship, and much more. To get your free access to the three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.