Love Life with Matthew Hussey - The One Thing that Keeps Your Relationship Going Strong

Episode Date: June 6, 2016

You may relate to today’s caller, Diana. She doesn’t have much trouble dating, but then she can’t seem to get past the first few months where she officially becomes the “girlfriend.”  I reveal the ONE thing that keeps relationships moving forward (hint: it ISN’T love), and two quick tips anyone can use to keep men coming back for more. 

Welcome to Love Life, I'm Matthew Hussey. Now do you ever feel like you're stuck in a rut? We all do from time to time. The problem is just going through the motions cuts off our ability to grow and increase our happiness in life. Now what would happen if you actually began living each and every day with purpose? Let me tell you, it is possible to transform your life from ordinary to extraordinary. And it doesn't have to take months or years, but just a matter of days. Stick with me till the end of the show and I'll tell you exactly how to do it.

We have a caller on the line today. Diana, are you there? I am. How are you? How are you? I'm good. How are you? How are you? I'm good. I'm good. How are you? I'm good.

What's happening? Anything interesting happening in your life this week? Well, let's see. I was wondering if you could give me two to three pointers on how to keep the guy. I know you write a lot about this, but once the five months like rolls around, you feel something's got to give in one direction or another, it seems to go in the direction I don't necessarily want it to. I make sure all those times spent together are top notch. It seems that way. I'm witty, hilarious, I'm cool until they stand you up for dinner or fake their own death when you

mention a family function. So I was wondering like a couple of pointers that you could give to take it to the next level without being that girl to have that conversation. So, okay, wait. So are you exclusive? You're in a relationship? No. I'm totally single. This is just a general question that seems to happen to me a lot. But with people that you're monogamous with

or with people that you're just kind of casually dating for that time? I'd say monogamous, but haven't gotten to the girlfriend title yet. Okay. So my big thing with this is I don't think you need to think about how do I take my game up a notch? Because of course, if you, if you have that view over your whole life, that in itself can kind of be exhausting, um, is how do I keep upping and upping and upping and upping my game every, every year? I think for me, the big challenge of any relationship, uh, even slightly old, five months down the line,

is how do I show this person that I am not someone that is always predictable, that I grow, that I am evolving? And that's not necessarily about doing more and more for that person. Because hopefully, you know, once you decide you want to invest in someone, you're giving them a lot in month five already anyway, in year one and year two. You're not necessarily 20 years later giving them more than you were giving them in the first year or two years. But what you are doing is, what can be sustainable over the course of a life is the extent to which you evolve and grow. The two things that, look, there's a difference between love and desire. Love is the coming together of two people,

the oneness of it all. You and I are becoming one and nurturing each other and loving each other and caring for each other. Desire is that thing that makes us want what we don't have. And the challenge, of course, of any relationship is how do you continue to want someone that you have already? That's a tough part of a relationship. And that's the riddle we're always trying to solve, especially in longterm relationships where we're trying to continue to have desire for this person attraction where this guy wants to see me just as much now as he did three months ago, as he did in the week we first met. The two ways to do that are one, keep developing yourself, i.e. learn new things, develop new skill sets. Think about it. What do

you want to do? What do you want to learn? What are the things you want to get better at? Dedicate time to those things because the ways you evolve and change will keep someone guessing about you. They make you less than predictable. They make someone constantly wonder, well, who is this person? What are they going to be tomorrow that I don't even know about today? That's the first thing. And the second thing is be prepared to spend some time apart. This is something that a lot of people are not prepared to do when they really like someone

is actually spend time apart, is actually say, you go with your friends tonight. I'll go with my friends or you go on holiday with your people. I'll go on holiday with my people. They don't do this because they're very afraid that if they do, they'll create space, which will turn that other person in the other direction. So they say, well, if we're together all the time, they haven't got room to think about anyone else or a different life without me, and they'll stay with me. Well, actually, the opposite is true. The more they're with you, the more they lose that sense of themselves and their own space.

The more you lose desire, because desire is created in the space between two people. And they start to wonder why it is that this person starts to pull away from them. If you want to create desire, create some space, space creates mystery, mystery creates desire. Uh, and now you have two people that are very excited to come back together, not because they have to, but because they want to. So I think at the five month mark, if you want to keep a guy guessing, if you want to keep him excited about you, do your thing, learn new skills, evolve as a person and take space for you where you need it to be with your friends to go away. And secondly, encourage him to take space. That usually freaks a guy out, by the way, when you do that. When you actually

tell a guy, you should go out with your friends this week. You should go on that weekend trip with your friends. You should do this. You should do that. When you encourage a guy to do those things, it's usually quite surprising to him. And it becomes attractive, even though he probably won't know what's going on, because most women he's ever dated have never done that before. Does that make sense? Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Thank you so much. You're so welcome, Diana.

Thank you so much for calling in. Really appreciate the question. Thank you. Have a great day. I'm ecstatic to talk to you. All right. Well, I'm so glad that you did call in, and what a pleasure to talk to you. Will you call us again sometime, Diana? Definitely. Okay. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day. You too. Okay. Bye-bye. Bye, Matt.

So earlier we were talking about being stuck in a rut. If you want to discover the secret to living a life of purpose and experiencing a level of joy that most people don't even dare to dream about, I have an invitation for you. I want you to apply for my Matthew Hussey retreat. Now I say apply because this is an exclusive program. There are a limited number of spots and I handpick the women who I think are ready for this radical transformation. I can promise you this, if you are accepted, I'll take you by the hand and lead you through a life-changing experience that will give you every tool you need to quickly achieve the things that you want most in life. To claim your spot for a phone interview with one of my expert mentors,

just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash retreat.