Love Life with Matthew Hussey - The Only Mindset You Need to Overcome Rejection

Episode Date: August 10, 2016

On this episode of LOVE Life, our caller, Getty, says it best: “Rejection sucks.” Yet it’s inevitable that we’ll all face it in our lives from time to time. So the question becomes: How can we move on from the grief and heartache of knowing: I’m not the one they chose? I break down my (somewhat surprising) theory about insecurity, and explain why taking small risks every day is actually a privilege to seize rather than a chore to dread. With this new mindset firmly in place, you’ll be ready to get back “out there” in no time.

Welcome to Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey, and I have an amazing show for you today. But first, let me ask you, did you know that there are three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild? Okay, you're right. Confidence is one, but can you guess the other two? I'll give you a minute to think about it, and we'll come back to this at the end of the show. But first, let's get into today's episode. We have a caller on the line today with a very interesting question. Getty, are you there? Yes, I am.

Talk to me about your question. All right. So I read your tweet yesterday about rejection and I agreed with it 100%. But let's be honest rejection really sucks so how can I move on from it? What sucks about rejection? Well, just the feeling that you get afterwards knowing that you weren't the one that that person chose

so just moving on after the grieving process that's what really really is petrifying to me Yeah, it's really hard isn't it? Absolutely Yeah, it's really hard, isn't it? Absolutely. Yeah, it's really hard. I've thought a lot about this, and it's really interesting because there's almost a fine line between insecurity and narcissism.

Insecurity can be where we say, no one will ever love me. Narcissism could be, everyone has to love me. And I know that those two sounds so opposite, but think about it for a moment. Sometimes when we get upset because someone said they didn't want us, and then we say, say well i'm now afraid to go back out there again in case the next person doesn't want me it we can come dangerously close to essentially putting out the message that everyone is supposed to want us like if we want somebody and then that person didn't want us back uh well now that now that's going to turn us

off because uh everyone should have wanted me and the next person might not want me either well the truth is there are many many many many many people who aren't going to want us um just as look i consider myself to be a good public speaker i I also know that I have a certain audience that I'm not for everybody and that there will be certain audiences that will never come to my seminars. It doesn't change how good of a public speaker I am. I still think I'm a good public speaker. I, you know, I, I, I would, I would not base how good I am on whether people want to coming to my shows or not. There are certain types of people that will come and see me live because they like the work that I do. But just because some people don't like the work that I do, it doesn't mean I'm not a good public speaker.

It doesn't mean I don't have good things to say. Do you understand what I mean by that? Yes, I do. You're just,'re just you you you have to know that not everyone is your audience that is true I guess what my biggest concern is um the fact that sometimes I just make myself so unapproachable because I'm afraid of getting hurt again. So how do you want to live your life? Carefree, like I've always been. I'm just fearful of getting rejected again, I guess. But what are you more fearful of, getting rejected again or living your life in a cave? I guess being in a cave.

Isn't that worse if you picture the rest of your life cowering I guess being in a cave. go and give people compliments in case she doesn't get one back. Is that an image that excites you for your life? No, it sounds pretty boring. It sounds pretty worse, I think. I think if you were honest, you would say it was worse than boring. It's kind of a gross image, isn't it, of your life? This idea that you'll constantly be cowering in a corner while other people go and have fun and talk to each other and have relationships. You're cowering in a corner because of a couple of rejections you've had. Yeah, you're absolutely right.

You know, that I think is scarier. You tell me. You have to be the expert in your life. You tell me, which is scarier? The possible rejection from another guy or living your whole life as somebody that you don't like well i would hate being somebody that i don't like i want to be comfortable in my own skin so i guess i just have to move on from this funk how old do

you know i'm 25 25 so so here's the thing right, you have the benefit of being at an age where it feels like you have all the time in the world. And the luxury of feeling like you have all the time in the world is that you feel like you have all the time in the world to waste on bad beliefs and bad ideas and insecurities. And I can guarantee you that people don't feel that when they're about to die. When people are about to die, they don't suddenly freak out about a possible rejection. That's not what's on their mind. What's on their mind is, I wish I was around to be rejected. I wish I was around to have the possibility of someone rejecting me, to have the possibility of feeling something. And I'm not going to be here. And what a tragic, unbearable thought that is.

The luxury, and I'm like you, Getty. I'm young enough to have the luxury of thinking I have time to waste. And it's a false luxury because the reality is A, none of us know how much time we have. And B, even if we have as much time as we think we have, it's not nearly as long as we think it is. And it goes so incredibly quickly. And that being the case, make no mistake, you will 10 years from now be 35 and saying, I wasted 10 years avoiding situations because of a guy that I made so important that I threw away a decade of my potential on him. Life is so unbearably short and the biggest waste of life is life wasted on these kinds of negative ideas that stop you doing things.

But if you decide rejection is the scariest thing to you, you'll always avoid guys. If you decide that regret is the scariest thing to you, then you'll go out there and you'll talk to everybody and you'll have an amazing time doing it because you'll know no rejection could be as painful as the regret you will feel later on. Wow. That was really powerful. So Getty, go out there, have fun, small risks every day. That's all it is. Small risks every day and always remind yourself that you can sleep at night knowing you tried, but the thing that will keep you up at night is knowing that you didn't even put yourself out there. And I look forward to speaking to you soon. All right. Thank you so much, Matthew. All right. Lovely. Look after yourself. All right. Bye. Thank you everybody for listening in. I so appreciate you listening into a show like this

and being brave enough to take the advice and go and use it. Most people will never will. But I think we're different here. I think we have a unique little community here of people that really want to go out and try things and put themselves out there. And I appreciate you for that. Because you give me strength as well. And you make me excited about it as well. And I will speak to you on the next episode of Love Life. Well, did you guess what the other two mindsets are that drive men wild? Good news, you don't have to rack your brain forever for the answer. I'm giving you free, exclusive access to a Q&A session from my live seminar where I coach real women on how to deal with hot and cold men,

how to find out if a guy is single, how to be strong and confident in a relationship, and more. To get your free access to three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com forward slash mindsets.